Sorry all, I had to step into a meeting.

If you're dressed like a woman and look like a woman I don't see how anyone even looks differently at you? Lots of women look manly.

Depending on how closely you pay attention and how much you care, some people can tell. I'm also nervous and anxious to begin with so I may just be paranoid that people are looking at me.

What can someone like me do in the future to make your life easier if I see you in a ladies room, besides smile and seem welcoming? If there is a line, should I offer you my place in it if I'm in front of you, or would it be better not to draw attention. And if there isn't really a line, would you like some friendly conversation about the weather, or not, or depends on the day?

Just be kind. I normally don't like to talk with strangers and am very quiet in general, so I like to be ignored. But I had somebody compliment me on my shoes and outfit and that made my entire day. We talked a little about fashion and a left with a recommendation for a shoe company that makes comfortable flats for larger feet. I knew that she knew but she never mentioned it.

OP help me understand - are you close to completing transition or still beginning phases? What kind of experiences have you had so far in women's bathrooms?

"Completing transition" is different for every trans person. I have not and will not have bottom surgery, but I have been on HRT for years.
I've had women scream at me and call me nasty things. I've had parents cover their children's eyes. I've also had a lot of absolutely non-story experiences where the women in the bathroom didn't care that I was in there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Op says she feels unsafe and everyone says welcome to the Ladies room! I say I don't feel safe and people say "Get over it or you are being transphobic"

I see the point that Op feels unsafe in the male restroom so why is it so difficult to see that other women may feel unsafe if a biological male is using the women's restrooms? Why not go for it and be unisex? Btw, I hate the fact that now we all have to be labeled. Since when did the term CIS come into fashion? I hate it!

Cis is not a real word. It is a made up word.

Neither are hubby, cray cray, and adorbs but people seem to have no trouble around here adapting to their (over)use. Try again.

I've never felt threatened by the oresence of a transgender person. It is the aggressive heterosexual males and homeless people who are cursing and paranoid that make me scared.

Yeah as long as you wash your hands I don't much care which bathroom you use.

You are welcome in any ladies room with me OP.

OP, just don't pee on the seats and wash your hands when you're finished. Other than that, I don't care at all. I live in SF - pretty sure there's been a law for the last three years here that trans people can use whichever bathroom they'd rather. I can't recall noticing a man who wants to be a woman in the women's bathrooms, but if I did, I wouldn't mind.

I hope the process gets easier for you soon. UTI's are terribly painful.

OP- as long as you wash your hands....we're good as far as I'm concerned....

I thought this was going to be "sit or stand" post.

My DH has long hair and isn't a large guy, and with all this talk of bathrooms, it turns out that he frequently gets double takes in the men's room. So it doesn't even take much for people to freak out. He doesn't let it bother him, though.

Anonymous wrote:Got damn y'all act like the fate of civilization hangs in the balance over all this - TAKE A PISS/SHIT AND EXIT what is the problem? Ain't like you in there for hours and if you are uncomfortable with a particular person then leave. WTF?!! Ladies - y'all telling me you ain't never been in a restroom and seen a crazy looking woman (a real woman) there that made you turn around and decide to piss later?

WTF

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but by forcing yourself in the women's restrooms you are saying your rights are more important. Because you will feel safe but we will not.

There are no cases of trans women attacking cis women in bathrooms. Your irrational fear of trans people just trying to use the toilet is not OPs problem.

I don't see where that was a transwoman -- you do know that, just because a man puts on a woman's suit, that doesn't make him a transwoman, right?

Also, that happened 6 years ago -- pretty sure these bathroom policies weren't in effect then. So I'm not sure how this makes you less safe?

Even though I complete support anybody coming into the woman's room who doesn't make a mess, I wish people would not make this ludicrous argument. When a male presenting as a woman walks into a woman's room, nobody can tell if they are trans or not. Of course, if it is a trans person you know, then you know. But if you are in a rural national park and some stranger presenting as a woman walks in, you have no idea if they are trans or just a creep. So, while there are many good arguements that transwomen should be allowed to use the woman's room, this is not one of them.

But how can you tell that it's a man presenting as a woman in the first place? Are you studying everyone who comes into the bathroom? Asking to see their genitalia?

And if you are attacked in a bathroom - whether it's by a man pretending to be a woman, a transgender, or a woman - it is a crime all the same. That can be prosecuted even without a bathroom law.

The fact that it is a crime that can be prosecuted doesn't make the victim feel any better. Either there is no reason at all to have anything but unisex bathrooms, or there is and women can feel something (threatened? embarrassed? exposed?) when somebody they think is a man comes in. The fact that no transgender man has ever hurt a woman is irrelevent because the woman can not tell if the person is transgender or just a creep. Maybe this is just an argument for unisex bath rooms, but frankly, as a ciswoman, I think there is a non-negligile fractoin of men who are just messy, and I don't want to share with them. On the sitcom "Mozart in the jungle", the cismale conductor keeps trying to use the woman's room just because it is cleaner. I have to agree with him. I wouldn't want to share with men just because enough of them are messy to cause a problem.

This of course gets to the core of the argument. If a person got to the point where they were uncomfortable going into the men's room they likely look like a woman and would look much more strange going in to the men's room than the women's room. You would probably just think it was a masculine looking woman and have literally no idea the person was trans.

Why does it matter that OP is presenting as a woman? Why does that give her access to the ladies' room? If I put on a dress and makeup, I can go to the ladies' room too? What if I don't? Why can't a man go to the ladies room unless he puts on makeup and a dress? Isn't that discrimination?

OP, are you legally a man or a woman?

Either it is okay for society to provide separate facilities for men and women to do their business or not. If that's okay, then a person should have to be legally a woman to use the ladies room, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but by forcing yourself in the women's restrooms you are saying your rights are more important. Because you will feel safe but we will not.

There are no cases of trans women attacking cis women in bathrooms. Your irrational fear of trans people just trying to use the toilet is not OPs problem.

I don't see where that was a transwoman -- you do know that, just because a man puts on a woman's suit, that doesn't make him a transwoman, right?

Also, that happened 6 years ago -- pretty sure these bathroom policies weren't in effect then. So I'm not sure how this makes you less safe?

Even though I complete support anybody coming into the woman's room who doesn't make a mess, I wish people would not make this ludicrous argument. When a male presenting as a woman walks into a woman's room, nobody can tell if they are trans or not. Of course, if it is a trans person you know, then you know. But if you are in a rural national park and some stranger presenting as a woman walks in, you have no idea if they are trans or just a creep. So, while there are many good arguements that transwomen should be allowed to use the woman's room, this is not one of them.

But how can you tell that it's a man presenting as a woman in the first place? Are you studying everyone who comes into the bathroom? Asking to see their genitalia?

And if you are attacked in a bathroom - whether it's by a man pretending to be a woman, a transgender, or a woman - it is a crime all the same. That can be prosecuted even without a bathroom law.

The fact that it is a crime that can be prosecuted doesn't make the victim feel any better. Either there is no reason at all to have anything but unisex bathrooms, or there is and women can feel something (threatened? embarrassed? exposed?) when somebody they think is a man comes in. The fact that no transgender man has ever hurt a woman is irrelevent because the woman can not tell if the person is transgender or just a creep. Maybe this is just an argument for unisex bath rooms, but frankly, as a ciswoman, I think there is a non-negligile fractoin of men who are just messy, and I don't want to share with them. On the sitcom "Mozart in the jungle", the cismale conductor keeps trying to use the woman's room just because it is cleaner. I have to agree with him. I wouldn't want to share with men just because enough of them are messy to cause a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Op says she feels unsafe and everyone says welcome to the Ladies room! I say I don't feel safe and people say "Get over it or you are being transphobic"

I see the point that Op feels unsafe in the male restroom so why is it so difficult to see that other women may feel unsafe if a biological male is using the women's restrooms? Why not go for it and be unisex? Btw, I hate the fact that now we all have to be labeled. Since when did the term CIS come into fashion? I hate it!

Cis is not a real word. It is a made up word.

Cis means "on this side of" in Latin, as trans means "on the other side of." They may be relatively new designations for people, but they've been used in chemistry for centuries.

Got damn y'all act like the fate of civilization hangs in the balance over all this - TAKE A PISS/SHIT AND EXIT what is the problem? Ain't like you in there for hours and if you are uncomfortable with a particular person then leave. WTF?!! Ladies - y'all telling me you ain't never been in a restroom and seen a crazy looking woman (a real woman) there that made you turn around and decide to piss later?