Anonymous
05/17/2016 23:17
Subject: SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why can't the uncle/brother be the one to acknowledge and buy the gifts? Its his nephew, not hers. She was actively grieving the child she'd never have. Cut her some slack.
I agree OP should cut her some slack but why would you assume her husband is less devastated that he won't have a child?
I don't but it is his nephew biologically, hers by marriage. Why is it her responsibility to remember all holidays, call and send gifts? His family, he can do it.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 22:40
Subject: SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:Why can't the uncle/brother be the one to acknowledge and buy the gifts? Its his nephew, not hers. She was actively grieving the child she'd never have. Cut her some slack.
I agree OP should cut her some slack but why would you assume her husband is less devastated that he won't have a child?
Anonymous
05/17/2016 21:36
Subject: SIL mean to my child
Why can't the uncle/brother be the one to acknowledge and buy the gifts? Its his nephew, not hers. She was actively grieving the child she'd never have. Cut her some slack.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 21:34
Subject: Re:SIL mean to my child
Neither your baby nor your nephew notices whether Aunt Whoever is into them.
Nobody was mean to your baby.
You, on the other hand, responded to someone else's grief with derision instead of compassion.
That's mean, immature, and self-absorbed.
Nobody was mean to your baby.
You, on the other hand, responded to someone else's grief with derision instead of compassion.
That's mean, immature, and self-absorbed.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 21:28
Subject: SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:
When I read your story, I thought: "poor SIL!", instead of "poor you", and of course not "poor baby" because your baby couldn't care less.
Your SIL did not welcome the birth of your child, and avoided seeing her because she had just found out she probably would not be able to conceive.
Is this too hard for you to understand?
Now be nice.
plus 1
Anonymous
05/17/2016 21:27
Subject: Re:SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:+1Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to work on your own narcissism.
Nah. She's perfected it.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 21:24
Subject: Re:SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what if my daughter was old enough to understand these things? My other brother has a 4 year old son and SIL skipped his birthday party the last two years, and barely acknowledges him. Didn't even wish him a happy birthday.
When your DD is old enough to understand, then you can post. Regarding your other brother's son. If he's got an issue with your SIL's behavior, he's the one who should address it with her. It's really not your business. Until then, you need to learn to regulate your own emotions and learn that most people, even relatives, will not find your children as interesting, adorable and amazing as you do.
You sound like a braindead douche. OP, disregard this turd's input. Only a nasty asshole would treat children as your SIL does. I would shun her.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 21:21
Subject: SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:And they lack empathy, compassion--after all the world revolves them and their spawn.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. She sounds immature.
Wow.
Some of you really are heartless.
Oh bullshit! The person who says she sounds immature is spot on.
Do women (and men) struggling with infertility deserve empathy and compassion? Absolutely, without a doubt, unequivocally, yes. But there are still *limits* to behavior that can be justified by suffering. If you read the thread more carefully you will note that the SIL has also ignored another older child over a period of years. This is not just about one time that she ran out the room crying when faced with a newborn (which none of us would find surprising under the circumstances). I doubt OP would have posted if it were only that. It's that she continued to behave coldly toward the baby for months after and has been cold to another child for years! Infertility and the very real grief that comes with it does not give someone the excuse to behave the way SIL has toward the children. And it doesn't matter if the baby and the 4 year old don't notice, all the other siblings and in-laws do. This woman is so selfish and immature, she thinks her suffering trumps all else and everything is all about her.
Yet, op thinks her happiness trumps everyone else's grief...
Oh, bullshit again. Read her posts. She was concerned for SIL at the hospital. She's more upset about the ongoing behavior than what happened at the hospital. She's fed up and has a right to be.
This x 100. OP's SIL sounds like a piece of work.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 21:19
Subject: SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:She didn't treat your daughter any way....she treated you that way. I don't see anywhere that you said she spoke sharply to your daughter, or treated her ill in any direct manner. Did she handle this gracefully? Definitely not, but that was directed towards you and your husband not towards your daughter. I think you need to re-frame your thoughts around this so that you can treat her child nicely. Maybe talk to her about how it made you feel- NICELY, and she might even apologize. Being in the throes of infertility brings out the worst in people sometimes.
This is no excuse. Sorry, you don't get to hide behind that to be an ass.
I will say this: your DD will not have any clue this happened. But, you're upset and rightfully so. For me, I'd probably distance myself a little until I could CALMLY tell her how I felt. She'll pull the victim routine, is my bet. But, at least you'd have put it on the table.
I would not hold it against her child in any way.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 20:46
Subject: SIL mean to my child
I'm thinking back to my childhood, and I don't think my aunts & uncles ever acknowledged my birthday. One of my moms cousins did, but she was also my godmother.
We don't usually acknowledge my nieces' birthdays, either. Maybe a "like" on FB, now that they're teens & have FB accounts.
We don't usually acknowledge my nieces' birthdays, either. Maybe a "like" on FB, now that they're teens & have FB accounts.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 20:44
Subject: Re:SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what if my daughter was old enough to understand these things? My other brother has a 4 year old son and SIL skipped his birthday party the last two years, and barely acknowledges him. Didn't even wish him a happy birthday.
When your DD is old enough to understand, then you can post. Regarding your other brother's son. If he's got an issue with your SIL's behavior, he's the one who should address it with her. It's really not your business. Until then, you need to learn to regulate your own emotions and learn that most people, even relatives, will not find your children as interesting, adorable and amazing as you do.
So you only wish people happy birthday if you find them interesting, adorable, and amazing? You feel no need to be basically decent and polite to your relative's children?
How I interact with my relatives is irrelevant. Your SIL's behavior with her nephew is none of your business. It is between her, the boy and his parents. Any issues you have with your SIL's behavior towards your child should be addressed with your DH (her brother). It is his relationship to manage, not yours. You should focus your efforts on learning how to curb your gossiping and creating drama in the family.
You should reconsider hosting your SIL's baby shower. Your heart isn't in the right place, your feelings are not genuine and your SIL deserves better. You are neither decent nor polite.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 20:10
Subject: Re:SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what if my daughter was old enough to understand these things? My other brother has a 4 year old son and SIL skipped his birthday party the last two years, and barely acknowledges him. Didn't even wish him a happy birthday.
When your DD is old enough to understand, then you can post. Regarding your other brother's son. If he's got an issue with your SIL's behavior, he's the one who should address it with her. It's really not your business. Until then, you need to learn to regulate your own emotions and learn that most people, even relatives, will not find your children as interesting, adorable and amazing as you do.
So you only wish people happy birthday if you find them interesting, adorable, and amazing? You feel no need to be basically decent and polite to your relative's children?
Anonymous
05/17/2016 19:56
Subject: Re:SIL mean to my child
OP here. So what if my daughter was old enough to understand these things? My other brother has a 4 year old son and SIL skipped his birthday party the last two years, and barely acknowledges him. Didn't even wish him a happy birthday.
When your DD is old enough to understand, then you can post. Regarding your other brother's son. If he's got an issue with your SIL's behavior, he's the one who should address it with her. It's really not your business. Until then, you need to learn to regulate your own emotions and learn that most people, even relatives, will not find your children as interesting, adorable and amazing as you do.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 19:45
Subject: SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:And they lack empathy, compassion--after all the world revolves them and their spawn.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. She sounds immature.
Wow.
Some of you really are heartless.
Oh bullshit! The person who says she sounds immature is spot on.
Do women (and men) struggling with infertility deserve empathy and compassion? Absolutely, without a doubt, unequivocally, yes. But there are still *limits* to behavior that can be justified by suffering. If you read the thread more carefully you will note that the SIL has also ignored another older child over a period of years. This is not just about one time that she ran out the room crying when faced with a newborn (which none of us would find surprising under the circumstances). I doubt OP would have posted if it were only that. It's that she continued to behave coldly toward the baby for months after and has been cold to another child for years! Infertility and the very real grief that comes with it does not give someone the excuse to behave the way SIL has toward the children. And it doesn't matter if the baby and the 4 year old don't notice, all the other siblings and in-laws do. This woman is so selfish and immature, she thinks her suffering trumps all else and everything is all about her.
Yet, op thinks her happiness trumps everyone else's grief...
Oh, bullshit again. Read her posts. She was concerned for SIL at the hospital. She's more upset about the ongoing behavior than what happened at the hospital. She's fed up and has a right to be.
Anonymous
05/17/2016 19:36
Subject: SIL mean to my child
Anonymous wrote:She wasn't being mean to your daughter. Stop framing it that way in your mind.
Agree. OP sounds 12 or low IQ.