Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 17:49     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
PP again, I should add that mental illness was a factor. Bipolar disorder. We were married in our early 20's and there were no red flags at that time.

He refuses treatment. Should I really have stayed in a marriage like that?
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 17:48     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:I am 100% against divorce for ANY reason. Do I judge, no but I think what they did it wrong and I personally believe divorce should be against the law. You divorce, you die simple as that. You made a commitment in front of God. Till death do us part. If you choose to part fine but you both need to die.


I hope that you will stay married when your husband cheats on you, spends your combined life savings on hookers, and belittles you until you have no self esteem. That's what happened to me. My religion actually makes provisions for "not damning people to hell who's spouses committed adultery". You, however, may already be in a "hell" of your own making. If you really were a believer and followed the teachings of the bible, you would leave the judgement to God.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 17:32     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
There is no marriage where 100% of the problems are traceable to one person. I don't judge but do hope that the decision, which is always difficult and causes pain was well thought out and that both parties can move to a happier life.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 17:15     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Yes, assuming no abuse/addiction, I judge. I'll admit it. If I know it was against the wishes of one spouse, I only judge the leaving spouse. We have a dear friend with 3 kids and his wife just decided she didn't feel like being married anymore. He was so blindsided and heartbroken. High earning, super involved/helpful dad. Who does that??!?

Did she tell you this was the reason or did you just get his version of events? No one can ever know what goes on in someone else's house. That superinvolved husband may be putting on a show."

Yep. How are you so sure there was no abuse or addiction? About 6 people in the world knew what was going on in my marriage. Most think my ex was a nice guy, if a bit of a slacker.


He is my husband's very close friend. He is not an addict or an abuser. He got a big (almost 7 figure) payout from his previous company that sold and as soon as it hit their account, she ask for a divorce out of the clear blue sky. Her children were 5, 2, and 2 at the time. She did not ask for counseling. She did not suggest a trial separation. She could not even articulate to him what he "did wrong." She just said she didn't want to be married anymore.


You still only have one side of the story. Maybe she had been telling him what the problems were for years and he didn't listen or hear her. So when she got ready to leave she wasn't rehashing it. She had told him over and over and over again with no change. Sounds like HE thinks he's a catch and he assumed that was enough.

Even if all that's true (which I doubt) that's not reason enough to break up your children's home.



You don't know what the problems were so how can you make the judgment? Mind your own marriage before you find yourself in the wrong side of this equation.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 17:13     Subject: Re:s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:I don't judge but I am puzzled that my children's new private school full of 1%ers has a lot more divorce than my middle class neighborhood. I don't know why.


Divorce is expensive. You are now running two households with the same income that used to pay for 1.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 17:01     Subject: Re:s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:I don't judge but I am puzzled that my children's new private school full of 1%ers has a lot more divorce than my middle class neighborhood. I don't know why.


They can afford it.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 17:01     Subject: Re:s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:I don't judge but I am puzzled that my children's new private school full of 1%ers has a lot more divorce than my middle class neighborhood. I don't know why.


+1. When I attended my town's best private school a few decades ago, a friend pointed out that my parents and one other family were the only in tact marriages in the entire class.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 16:26     Subject: Re:s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
I don't judge but I am puzzled that my children's new private school full of 1%ers has a lot more divorce than my middle class neighborhood. I don't know why.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 16:02     Subject: Re:s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
My best friend twice divorced the same husband and the only thing I "judge" is that she should've done it sooner. He has severe mental health problems as well as addiction issues- emotionally and verbally abusive to her and her kids. He was fairly stable and on meds when they met/got married. She took him back because she felt guilty that her kids didn't have an intact family. He cheated on her and moved cross country to be with the other woman.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 15:53     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:I am 100% against divorce for ANY reason. Do I judge, no but I think what they did it wrong and I personally believe divorce should be against the law. You divorce, you die simple as that. You made a commitment in front of God. Till death do us part. If you choose to part fine but you both need to die.


Um, if you "think that what they did is wrong," and you think that people who divorce should die, then you are actually judging. You are also stupid.

Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 15:50     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:Don't underestimate the power of the nice guy passive aggressive spouse to earn a divorce.


+1

I've watched one person in a marriage basically drive the other person to divorce, but then claim the mantle of the "wronged spouse" because they didn't initiate the proceedings. I judge infidelity, and selfishness, and cruelty--I judge the behaviors, whether or not they result in divorce.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 15:05     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:I never had any close friends who divorced. However, I have in the past judged people for divorcing. And now look, here I am getting a divorce! Mine is from abuse though. And I do have another friend (male) who was abused by his wife and they got divorced.

I will take this as an opportunity to apologize to the random acquaintances I have judged for getting a divorce. I'm sorry, people. That was not nice of me at all.


+1 older and wiser.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 15:04     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:I am 100% against divorce for ANY reason. Do I judge, no but I think what they did it wrong and I personally believe divorce should be against the law. You divorce, you die simple as that. You made a commitment in front of God. Till death do us part. If you choose to part fine but you both need to die.


Yeah. No. Not everybody made a commitment in front of god. Most people don't believe in god.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2016 00:08     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:I am 100% against divorce for ANY reason. Do I judge, no but I think what they did it wrong and I personally believe divorce should be against the law. You divorce, you die simple as that. You made a commitment in front of God. Till death do us part. If you choose to part fine but you both need to die.


I hope you get a divorce.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2016 23:16     Subject: s/o do you judge your friends who divorce
Anonymous wrote:I am 100% against divorce for ANY reason. Do I judge, no but I think what they did it wrong and I personally believe divorce should be against the law. You divorce, you die simple as that. You made a commitment in front of God. Till death do us part. If you choose to part fine but you both need to die.


Well there was no god what so ever in my wedding, only that state of Virginia. Glad I'll be spared your wrath