Graduated COLLEGE?!!

Rules after college? You must be kidding, do you think you get to control your child for the rest of his or her life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I should have been more clear. This question is aimed at the people whose college was paid for by their parents, not those people who paid their own way through.

Parents paid for mine. I still did what I wanted, because by the time I graduated college I was an adult.

This

My kids never had a curfew, So they don't now. My kids rarely go out, so so when they do I don't care when they come home. They usually come home by 1, and always come in and say goodnite.
My poor parents! I had a curfew and was usually on time, unfortunately my younger sister was always about a half hour late and drove them crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I should have been more clear. This question is aimed at the people whose college was paid for by their parents, not those people who paid their own way through.

Parents paid for mine. I still did what I wanted, because by the time I graduated college I was an adult.

+1

I was at college for 4 years and left without a degree. I managed to get a full time job w/benefits and overtime. I had a boyfriend that they hated and I enjoyed going out at night. I ate dinner with my folks sometimes but often I went out and either ate something with my boyfriend or didn't eat.

My parents tried to establish a curfew with me (something like midnight on weekdays and 2am on weekends). I was not inclined to abide by it often coming home well past the established hour. One early morning I arrived home as my father headed at the door to work. There was a blow up and they informed me that they were going to start charging me rent.

I informed them that I had been saving my pennies, had bought myself a car and was prepared to move out. Which I did.

Anonymous wrote:This was years ago but the only rule we had, even in HS, was that if you lived under my parent's roof, you worked if you had free time. You could get a job for yourself, and we all did at one time or another, or my dad was a farmer/contractor and there was always work to do. Pretty much, we didn't get paid unless we got our own jobs for other people. My parents would pay for pretty much everything we asked them for until there wasn't enough money to go around. Then they said no. You never knew when they were going to say no so you learned to not ask for more than you needed. This worked through college and junker HS/college cars and insurance and such.

We had the part-time and summer time work rule as well.

When we got out of college the assumption is that we would have a job and move out, or go onto graduate school. My parents talked about making us pay rent, but none of us ever stayed home long enough for it to make any sense.

This was years ago but the only rule we had, even in HS, was that if you lived under my parent's roof, you worked if you had free time. You could get a job for yourself, and we all did at one time or another, or my dad was a farmer/contractor and there was always work to do. Pretty much, we didn't get paid unless we got our own jobs for other people. My parents would pay for pretty much everything we asked them for until there wasn't enough money to go around. Then they said no. You never knew when they were going to say no so you learned to not ask for more than you needed. This worked through college and junker HS/college cars and insurance and such.

My daughter is required to pay one bill. I don't cook for her and she buys much of her own food. She selected cable. No curfew but no overnight male guests. She will stay home through grad school.

For us, the rule was that we had to have a job if we were moving back home. Applying, actively looking, was also okay as long as we weren't turning down offers we thought were beneath us, holding out for something better to come along. That was more relevant for my younger brother than for me, as he was graduating in the recession.

Not a whole lot else - basic courtesy about busing our own plates, letting parents know whether to expect us for dinner or if we were going out of town for the weekend. We were considered adults though, so no asking for permission to go out, no curfew, etc. We all had gone away to college, so would have been odd to come back from graduating and be treated like a high schooler again.

Of all the kids, the only one who stayed home after graduation for more than a few months was the brother facing the recession economy, so that's understandable. I'd definitely let me kids stay with me for extended turns under such market conditions.

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Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I should have been more clear. This question is aimed at the people whose college was paid for by their parents, not those people who paid their own way through.

Op, you don't get to control your adult child just because you,paid for college

Np here I'm 33 my parents did pay for my college years ago but even if they hadn't I would still listen to them because Thats how I was raised. I'm not aloud outside after dark. Which can be difficult in the winter when it gets dark at 5pm. I do work from home so it works for me. I have to ask before I eat food or buy anything. I'm so used to it now it's second nature. My parents are across the country so timing is key.

Wut?

This may be a joke or the poster may have disabilities.

I don't have a disability and I'm not joking.

I'm the one who asked above. So you are saying you live across the country from them but aren't allowed outside after dark when you are on your own? Same with eating/buying food. Or is this just when you are visiting them,which is still weird but far less controlling?

I'm just very biblical . I believe in honoring my mother and father so I do as they say. Well as my mother says, my dad doesn't care what I do. Yes I listen everyday not just when I'm visiting.

If you have to ask before you eat food or buy anything, that must mean you call your mom several times a day. Is that right?

Yes call, text mostly and send pictures

Texting your mom at 7am (4am her time): "Mother, I am hungry. Can I get please eat this yogurt?"

Sounds like a healthy relationship.

Rule was once you are out of school if you needed money for rent etc, it was a loan that was recorded and had to be paid back.

Are you serious??? None!!!

The only rules we had

Clean up after yourself because if I have to it goes in the garbage. Mom doesn't do your laundry either.

If you're not coming home please call before 9 pm and let us know so I can lock up. Don't need to know why.

You're an adult, pay for your own entertainment.

If we see you wasting money you will pay rent.

Please ask if you want to borrow something. And if that something gets stolen, broken, left somewhere or lost, you will replace it.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I should have been more clear. This question is aimed at the people whose college was paid for by their parents, not those people who paid their own way through.

Op, you don't get to control your adult child just because you,paid for college

Np here I'm 33 my parents did pay for my college years ago but even if they hadn't I would still listen to them because Thats how I was raised. I'm not aloud outside after dark. Which can be difficult in the winter when it gets dark at 5pm. I do work from home so it works for me. I have to ask before I eat food or buy anything. I'm so used to it now it's second nature. My parents are across the country so timing is key.

Wut?

This may be a joke or the poster may have disabilities.

I don't have a disability and I'm not joking.

I'm the one who asked above. So you are saying you live across the country from them but aren't allowed outside after dark when you are on your own? Same with eating/buying food. Or is this just when you are visiting them,which is still weird but far less controlling?

I'm just very biblical . I believe in honoring my mother and father so I do as they say. Well as my mother says, my dad doesn't care what I do. Yes I listen everyday not just when I'm visiting.

If you have to ask before you eat food or buy anything, that must mean you call your mom several times a day. Is that right?

Yes call, text mostly and send pictures

Do you have any friends? A partner? This seems beyond honoring your mother and father. Did they do the same with their parents, even after they married? I guess YMMV.