Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 10:42     Subject: Re:Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Um, it's not DH's money. It's both of yours. If DH and you together decided you would stop working to be a SAHM, it's just as much your money as is. Yes, he actually has the job but you two made a family decision that he would bring in outside income and you would take care of kids. He doesn't need to "pay" you - you two need to jointly decide how to spend your collective income. Now, that's not to say you won't argue about how to spend that income. It sounds like DH does not want to spend so much of it on your family. So maybe a good solution would be for each of you to have a set amount of money each month that neither partner gets any say in how it gets spent. Then you wouldn't have to debate this. But you have to first both start thinking of it as your money, your budget, your family, collectively and go from there. Perhaps marriage therapy would be helpful if this is causing a lot of marital stress. The biggest thing couples fight over is money, you certainly wouldn't be alone in that!
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 07:39     Subject: Re:Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
OP, honey - you are NOT down to earth. You actually sound a bit spacey.

It also sounds like, simply put, you are really comfy spending DH's money on things DH doesn't care for. Get a job to continue your brother's disability fraud or just sneak around and keep him giving him 10K McDonald's gift cards, but this post was ridiculous
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 06:54     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll, I'll bite. I am a SAHM with much more modest hhi and DH gives me $$ to do with what I want each month. This is not for regular items like clothes, but more for things like frivolous purses or spa days or travel with friends. I actually put a decent amount of it away into a savings account. NBD if I decided to give that $ to my brother -- it's already gone in DH's eyes.


OP here. I just brought up getting a set dollar amount per month. I said 5k. I did not bring up my family. I said I want to be able to save it or buy a purse or treat my friend on a trip.

It does not cause fights but I have a childhood friend who is recently divorced. I wanted to travel with her and DH did not want to cover her plane ticket. He was fine with paying for my hotel and my friend stay with me. When she first moved into an empty apartment with tears. I would have loved to gift her a couch or something. DH said no.

I think I am just more generous with others. DH will take turns treating friends to drinks or dinner but that is the extent of it.


You are irresponsible with money.



I'm guessing she's not and he's imaginary.

OP must be smokin hot to have had that job but think like this. I'm guessing OP is pharmacy sales rep and DH is a doctor (who notoriously are kind of squirrely with money, hence would notice the $100 gift card with a $1M salary).
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 03:43     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll, I'll bite. I am a SAHM with much more modest hhi and DH gives me $$ to do with what I want each month. This is not for regular items like clothes, but more for things like frivolous purses or spa days or travel with friends. I actually put a decent amount of it away into a savings account. NBD if I decided to give that $ to my brother -- it's already gone in DH's eyes.


OP here. I just brought up getting a set dollar amount per month. I said 5k. I did not bring up my family. I said I want to be able to save it or buy a purse or treat my friend on a trip.

It does not cause fights but I have a childhood friend who is recently divorced. I wanted to travel with her and DH did not want to cover her plane ticket. He was fine with paying for my hotel and my friend stay with me. When she first moved into an empty apartment with tears. I would have loved to gift her a couch or something. DH said no.

I think I am just more generous with others. DH will take turns treating friends to drinks or dinner but that is the extent of it.


You are irresponsible with money.


OP must be smokin hot to have had that job but think like this. I'm guessing OP is pharmacy sales rep and DH is a doctor (who notoriously are kind of squirrely with money, hence would notice the $100 gift card with a $1M salary).
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 00:12     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are too generous, and I don't mean that in a good way. Your friend who was recently divorced in an empty apartment - you want to buy her a couch?? How about being over takeout and a bottle of wine, and help her carry the Craig's list couch up the steps. I have a friend who is very wealthy, like 20 million in her trust fund, and I would not have appreciated such grandiose acts of generosity. And where does it stop? Your parents, brother, friend, what if a cousin loses a job, are you going to pay their rent for 2 months? It seems like your concept of giving is divorced from reality.


I do not want to turn this into a church topic. My parents worked at a church. My parents don't have money but they have a lot of friends. Our family friends have always been very generous with us.

Most of our friends are doing well financially minus my parents, brother and one childhood divorced friend. DH and I both went into lucrative professions so our friend circles do just fine financially. We know lots of trust fund babies. We mostly pay our share and that is fine. I do not think I am overly generous. My friend had a tough year. I wanted to do something nice for her. She is my oldest dearest friend. If I was earning 20k, 200k or 2 million, I would have wanted to do something for her.


Then get a job to pay for it all. You are giving away and spending absurd amounts of money.


I admit I spend a lot of money. My first boyfriend was very rich and spoiled me rotten. I worked in finance and my spending habits were quite normal. I have friends. who spend insane amounts of money. I know it doesn't sound like it on an anonymous forum but I am the down to earth one.

I do not give away much. DH bought a property. The rental income from the other tenants cover my brother's expenses so DH is not really spending much on my brother at all. He drives my mom's old 10 year old car. We can absolutely afford to buy my brother a new car.


You can spend what you want so you are full of. Nothing wrong with a 10 year old car. You are not down to earth.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 23:58     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are too generous, and I don't mean that in a good way. Your friend who was recently divorced in an empty apartment - you want to buy her a couch?? How about being over takeout and a bottle of wine, and help her carry the Craig's list couch up the steps. I have a friend who is very wealthy, like 20 million in her trust fund, and I would not have appreciated such grandiose acts of generosity. And where does it stop? Your parents, brother, friend, what if a cousin loses a job, are you going to pay their rent for 2 months? It seems like your concept of giving is divorced from reality.


I do not want to turn this into a church topic. My parents worked at a church. My parents don't have money but they have a lot of friends. Our family friends have always been very generous with us.

Most of our friends are doing well financially minus my parents, brother and one childhood divorced friend. DH and I both went into lucrative professions so our friend circles do just fine financially. We know lots of trust fund babies. We mostly pay our share and that is fine. I do not think I am overly generous. My friend had a tough year. I wanted to do something nice for her. She is my oldest dearest friend. If I was earning 20k, 200k or 2 million, I would have wanted to do something for her.


Then get a job to pay for it all. You are giving away and spending absurd amounts of money.


I admit I spend a lot of money. My first boyfriend was very rich and spoiled me rotten. I worked in finance and my spending habits were quite normal. I have friends who spend insane amounts of money. I know it doesn't sound like it on an anonymous forum but I am the down to earth one.

I do not give away much. DH bought a property. The rental income from the other tenants cover my brother's expenses so DH is not really spending much on my brother at all. He drives my mom's old 10 year old car. We can absolutely afford to buy my brother a new car.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 23:42     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - Does your brother qualify for HEAP, Food Stamps, etc.? Do you and DH claim your brother as a dependent for tax purposes?


Yes, he collects food stamps (gets the EBT card filled per month) and a small housing stipend.


He gets a housing stipend when he has a fully paid for house? That sounds fraudulent.


Another Red Flag in this story.


My brother would be homeless without us. He used to live with my parents and my parents were struggling financially so a social worker helped my brother get disability benefits. The housing stipend was calculated based on his share of my parents' home expenses. It was causing my parents too much stress as they aged and had health problems of their own.

DH is technically my brother's landlord. There is a lease. We also have other tenants.

My brother would have been placed in a group home. This broke my heart so DH found a solution.


Your post makes no sense. NO housing stipend from a social worker/gov't is based off of estimated costs of living with your parents. He doesn't need a 20,000 car. He may have been better off in a group home with supervision and services.


Have you filled out social security disability paperwork before?

It asks if my brother works. My brother has never worked one day in his life. We pay for his car, phone, utilities, etc. None of these are under his name. He does not earn income.


Yes, I used to do it professionally and I did it for a close relative whom we care for as well, only we don't complain about it or make it a drama as you. Your post keeps making no sense. There are two types of disability, one with a work history and one without. Without the pay is very low, but you do get medicare. Given his disability, he should be getting medicaid, food stamps, utility assistance, rental assistance and more. Max benefit is $733. http://www.ssdrc.com/disabilityquestions3-69.html


He does get medicaid, EBT and a direct deposit of almost $900. He does live in a different state. He has no income and no assets.

Not sure why my post makes no sense. I gave up my job to stay home with our children so that DH could focus on his career. DH earns a high income and has no problems with my spending on myself and the kids. I would like some money set aside that I can spend as I wish. I would like to spend this money on my family.

I wanted to know if SAHMs had money allocated to them. I already admitted that I should not have used the word paid.

I have working friends who have fun money accounts and/or separate savings accounts. Since I don't work anymore, I would like to have about 5k transferred to an account per month. Right before DH fell asleep, he said he is happy to give me his bonus. I think he meant I could do whatever I wanted but I did not mention my family at all today.

The post got derailed because of my brother's disability. Maybe I should have said my mom has cancer and can no longer work. I don't think that part matters. I am more interested in the financial arrangement of SAHMs. As of now, I have my retirement savings from when I worked. I have not added to my individual retirement after I quit my job.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 23:23     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are too generous, and I don't mean that in a good way. Your friend who was recently divorced in an empty apartment - you want to buy her a couch?? How about being over takeout and a bottle of wine, and help her carry the Craig's list couch up the steps. I have a friend who is very wealthy, like 20 million in her trust fund, and I would not have appreciated such grandiose acts of generosity. And where does it stop? Your parents, brother, friend, what if a cousin loses a job, are you going to pay their rent for 2 months? It seems like your concept of giving is divorced from reality.


I do not want to turn this into a church topic. My parents worked at a church. My parents don't have money but they have a lot of friends. Our family friends have always been very generous with us.

Most of our friends are doing well financially minus my parents, brother and one childhood divorced friend. DH and I both went into lucrative professions so our friend circles do just fine financially. We know lots of trust fund babies. We mostly pay our share and that is fine. I do not think I am overly generous. My friend had a tough year. I wanted to do something nice for her. She is my oldest dearest friend. If I was earning 20k, 200k or 2 million, I would have wanted to do something for her.


Then get a job to pay for it all. You are giving away and spending absurd amounts of money.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 23:21     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - Does your brother qualify for HEAP, Food Stamps, etc.? Do you and DH claim your brother as a dependent for tax purposes?


Yes, he collects food stamps (gets the EBT card filled per month) and a small housing stipend.


He gets a housing stipend when he has a fully paid for house? That sounds fraudulent.


Another Red Flag in this story.


My brother would be homeless without us. He used to live with my parents and my parents were struggling financially so a social worker helped my brother get disability benefits. The housing stipend was calculated based on his share of my parents' home expenses. It was causing my parents too much stress as they aged and had health problems of their own.

DH is technically my brother's landlord. There is a lease. We also have other tenants.

My brother would have been placed in a group home. This broke my heart so DH found a solution.


Your post makes no sense. NO housing stipend from a social worker/gov't is based off of estimated costs of living with your parents. He doesn't need a 20,000 car. He may have been better off in a group home with supervision and services.


Have you filled out social security disability paperwork before?

It asks if my brother works. My brother has never worked one day in his life. We pay for his car, phone, utilities, etc. None of these are under his name. He does not earn income.


Yes, I used to do it professionally and I did it for a close relative whom we care for as well, only we don't complain about it or make it a drama as you. Your post keeps making no sense. There are two types of disability, one with a work history and one without. Without the pay is very low, but you do get medicare. Given his disability, he should be getting medicaid, food stamps, utility assistance, rental assistance and more. Max benefit is $733. http://www.ssdrc.com/disabilityquestions3-69.html
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 23:14     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:You are too generous, and I don't mean that in a good way. Your friend who was recently divorced in an empty apartment - you want to buy her a couch?? How about being over takeout and a bottle of wine, and help her carry the Craig's list couch up the steps. I have a friend who is very wealthy, like 20 million in her trust fund, and I would not have appreciated such grandiose acts of generosity. And where does it stop? Your parents, brother, friend, what if a cousin loses a job, are you going to pay their rent for 2 months? It seems like your concept of giving is divorced from reality.


Also, I won't feel bad for caring about my loved ones. I believe in showing appreciation. I like to show gratitude to teachers, our housekeeper, our date night sitter and the bus driver. I'm a good tipper.

I have a lot of friends. I think I am a nice person. That is one of the main reasons DH married me.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 23:11     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:You are too generous, and I don't mean that in a good way. Your friend who was recently divorced in an empty apartment - you want to buy her a couch?? How about being over takeout and a bottle of wine, and help her carry the Craig's list couch up the steps. I have a friend who is very wealthy, like 20 million in her trust fund, and I would not have appreciated such grandiose acts of generosity. And where does it stop? Your parents, brother, friend, what if a cousin loses a job, are you going to pay their rent for 2 months? It seems like your concept of giving is divorced from reality.


I do not want to turn this into a church topic. My parents worked at a church. My parents don't have money but they have a lot of friends. Our family friends have always been very generous with us.

Most of our friends are doing well financially minus my parents, brother and one childhood divorced friend. DH and I both went into lucrative professions so our friend circles do just fine financially. We know lots of trust fund babies. We mostly pay our share and that is fine. I do not think I am overly generous. My friend had a tough year. I wanted to do something nice for her. She is my oldest dearest friend. If I was earning 20k, 200k or 2 million, I would have wanted to do something for her.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 23:01     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
You are too generous, and I don't mean that in a good way. Your friend who was recently divorced in an empty apartment - you want to buy her a couch?? How about being over takeout and a bottle of wine, and help her carry the Craig's list couch up the steps. I have a friend who is very wealthy, like 20 million in her trust fund, and I would not have appreciated such grandiose acts of generosity. And where does it stop? Your parents, brother, friend, what if a cousin loses a job, are you going to pay their rent for 2 months? It seems like your concept of giving is divorced from reality.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 22:52     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - Does your brother qualify for HEAP, Food Stamps, etc.? Do you and DH claim your brother as a dependent for tax purposes?


Yes, he collects food stamps (gets the EBT card filled per month) and a small housing stipend.


He gets a housing stipend when he has a fully paid for house? That sounds fraudulent.


Another Red Flag in this story.


My brother would be homeless without us. He used to live with my parents and my parents were struggling financially so a social worker helped my brother get disability benefits. The housing stipend was calculated based on his share of my parents' home expenses. It was causing my parents too much stress as they aged and had health problems of their own.

DH is technically my brother's landlord. There is a lease. We also have other tenants.

My brother would have been placed in a group home. This broke my heart so DH found a solution.


Your post makes no sense. NO housing stipend from a social worker/gov't is based off of estimated costs of living with your parents. He doesn't need a 20,000 car. He may have been better off in a group home with supervision and services.


http://www.disability-benefits-help.org/faq/accepting-financial-affect-eligibility-social-security-disability
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 22:49     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - Does your brother qualify for HEAP, Food Stamps, etc.? Do you and DH claim your brother as a dependent for tax purposes?


Yes, he collects food stamps (gets the EBT card filled per month) and a small housing stipend.


He gets a housing stipend when he has a fully paid for house? That sounds fraudulent.


Another Red Flag in this story.


My brother would be homeless without us. He used to live with my parents and my parents were struggling financially so a social worker helped my brother get disability benefits. The housing stipend was calculated based on his share of my parents' home expenses. It was causing my parents too much stress as they aged and had health problems of their own.

DH is technically my brother's landlord. There is a lease. We also have other tenants.

My brother would have been placed in a group home. This broke my heart so DH found a solution.


Your post makes no sense. NO housing stipend from a social worker/gov't is based off of estimated costs of living with your parents. He doesn't need a 20,000 car. He may have been better off in a group home with supervision and services.


Have you filled out social security disability paperwork before?

It asks if my brother works. My brother has never worked one day in his life. We pay for his car, phone, utilities, etc. None of these are under his name. He does not earn income.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 22:36     Subject: Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - Does your brother qualify for HEAP, Food Stamps, etc.? Do you and DH claim your brother as a dependent for tax purposes?


Yes, he collects food stamps (gets the EBT card filled per month) and a small housing stipend.


He gets a housing stipend when he has a fully paid for house? That sounds fraudulent.


Another Red Flag in this story.


My brother would be homeless without us. He used to live with my parents and my parents were struggling financially so a social worker helped my brother get disability benefits. The housing stipend was calculated based on his share of my parents' home expenses. It was causing my parents too much stress as they aged and had health problems of their own.

DH is technically my brother's landlord. There is a lease. We also have other tenants.

My brother would have been placed in a group home. This broke my heart so DH found a solution.


Your post makes no sense. NO housing stipend from a social worker/gov't is based off of estimated costs of living with your parents. He doesn't need a 20,000 car. He may have been better off in a group home with supervision and services.