OP, read some of the threads on here about
do people regret having kids or
is having kids as bad as people say or
things people know now about kids that they didn't before having them

Eye opening and good insight

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

You sound overly focused on yourself.

how is that overly focused on herself? she is living life on her terms. it is her life. she is not hurting anyone in the process.

Men don't like when women don't pay attention to them.

[b]

OP here- Ahhhhh!! That's what my brother said. He said he'd never date a woman like me, because I don't 'need' him. My mom says I'm independent to a fault. But that's why I thought maybe therapy as I'm willing to examine myself and change, if that's what's holding me back from meeting the right person.

Yes, I remember an acquaintance telling me that when I was your age. "You come off as too strong and not needing a man!" she said. (She was a lesbian, by the way - ha!) But I couldn't see how I was supposed to go around pretending to be a little weak needy woman, and plenty of strong women seemed to find husbands.

I never did, but I did adopt, and re-invented myself in my mid-40s. This is the life I've got, and I try to live it to the fullest.

Most men don't want a little weak needy woman. But just the same they don't want someone so fiercely independent that they don't feel as if they're important, any more than a woman doesn't want to feel important to her partner. I've known women who were full on ball busters who'd make it clear that they didn't need any man to be happy. Most of them needn't have worried about that as it turned out.

Yeah, I never could find that balance. Falling apart on the inside, but afraid to show it, so strong on the outside. Attracted Mr. Wrongs, not Mr. Rights.

Whatever. Too late for me now. Maybe with therapy, OP can get to the bottom of things in time.

Anonymous wrote:If I could magically go back in time, I'd never marry or have kids.

+1 I envy them, but when I was single and childless in my early 30s, I was so focused on what I didn't have, that I didn't give enough thought to if it was what I really wanted.

Lucky! As long as they are happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

You sound overly focused on yourself.

how is that overly focused on herself? she is living life on her terms. it is her life. she is not hurting anyone in the process.

Men don't like when women don't pay attention to them.

[b]

OP here- Ahhhhh!! That's what my brother said. He said he'd never date a woman like me, because I don't 'need' him. My mom says I'm independent to a fault. But that's why I thought maybe therapy as I'm willing to examine myself and change, if that's what's holding me back from meeting the right person.

Yes, I remember an acquaintance telling me that when I was your age. "You come off as too strong and not needing a man!" she said. (She was a lesbian, by the way - ha!) But I couldn't see how I was supposed to go around pretending to be a little weak needy woman, and plenty of strong women seemed to find husbands.

I never did, but I did adopt, and re-invented myself in my mid-40s. This is the life I've got, and I try to live it to the fullest.

Most men don't want a little weak needy woman. But just the same they don't want someone so fiercely independent that they don't feel as if they're important, any more than a woman doesn't want to feel important to her partner. I've known women who were full on ball busters who'd make it clear that they didn't need any man to be happy. Most of them needn't have worried about that as it turned out.

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

It's not weird to not be sad about not having kids. (Is that a triple negative??) Just because society says we should all want babies, doesn't make that true for you. F that noise. If you are happy, be happy and don't spend another second doubting yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

You sound overly focused on yourself.

how is that overly focused on herself? she is living life on her terms. it is her life. she is not hurting anyone in the process.

Men don't like when women don't pay attention to them.

[b]

OP here- Ahhhhh!! That's what my brother said. He said he'd never date a woman like me, because I don't 'need' him. My mom says I'm independent to a fault. But that's why I thought maybe therapy as I'm willing to examine myself and change, if that's what's holding me back from meeting the right person.

Yes, I remember an acquaintance telling me that when I was your age. "You come off as too strong and not needing a man!" she said. (She was a lesbian, by the way - ha!) But I couldn't see how I was supposed to go around pretending to be a little weak needy woman, and plenty of strong women seemed to find husbands.

I never did, but I did adopt, and re-invented myself in my mid-40s. This is the life I've got, and I try to live it to the fullest.

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

OP, you can find love at any age. Therapy might help I don't know I think it's more important that you examine what your definition of "Settling" means. Good luck to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

You sound overly focused on yourself.

how is that overly focused on herself? she is living life on her terms. it is her life. she is not hurting anyone in the process.

Men don't like when women don't pay attention to them.

[b]

OP here- Ahhhhh!! That's what my brother said. He said he'd never date a woman like me, because I don't 'need' him. My mom says I'm independent to a fault. But that's why I thought maybe therapy as I'm willing to examine myself and change, if that's what's holding me back from meeting the right person.

You don't need therapy. You sound awesome.

Have a kid and raise one on your own if you really want to. If not, just be happy being on your own and not having to clean up after a man baby!

Get it girl!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

You sound overly focused on yourself.

how is that overly focused on herself? she is living life on her terms. it is her life. she is not hurting anyone in the process.

The fact she wants to spend money to go and talk to someone about herself.

That is what you do in therapy-talk about yourself-millions of people do it!

I think it depends if the woman expresses a desire for settling down, marriage or kids. If so, I wonder if her parents were divorced and whether she spent time pursuing men that in their own way were unavailable and she was hoping they would change. I mention divorce because many of my friends are headed down this road and come from broken homes and absent or cheating "father figures" and they seem to pursue the men who ultimately will be emotionally unavailable whether not committing to marriage, kids etc. I try to support them through the impending heartbreak of coming to terms that the relationship will not change, as they are truly warm and caring women. I have also supported several who ended up pregnant and had the boyfriend not be supportive, be abusive/manipulative etc. I do support them in their pursuit of being a mother if they desire children even if due to biological constraints the circumstances are not what they envisioned for the path motherhood. My one friend who had a daughter as a single-parent faced a life-threatening post-birth complication and I knew how hard it was for her feeling alone so I stayed with her in the hospital throughout the night, even though I have multiple young children and family obligations at home, and was ready and willing to do whatever was needed to help take care of her daughter during her hospitalization and afterwards. My friends are like family and especially those that fit the criteria I outlined often need some reassurances that people care about them especially given the social stigma they sometimes face, esp. Re: unwed/pregnant

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

You sound overly focused on yourself.

how is that overly focused on herself? she is living life on her terms. it is her life. she is not hurting anyone in the process.

The fact she wants to spend money to go and talk to someone about herself.

[b]

PP probably needs to spend money on therapy IMO

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

You sound overly focused on yourself.

how is that overly focused on herself? she is living life on her terms. it is her life. she is not hurting anyone in the process.

Men don't like when women don't pay attention to them.

[b]

OP here- Ahhhhh!! That's what my brother said. He said he'd never date a woman like me, because I don't 'need' him. My mom says I'm independent to a fault. But that's why I thought maybe therapy as I'm willing to examine myself and change, if that's what's holding me back from meeting the right person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I agree that I was overly picky or looking for the wrong things until I was at least 37. I just didn't want to settle and I'm glad I didn't. But my choices also mean I probably won't ever have my own kids. Weird thing is that I don't feel too sad about that? Maybe the PPs are right that subconsciously maybe I've just wanted to be alone until now. I spent so many years travelling the world and living a kind of selfish life and I don't regret any of that. Maybe if I'd found the one earlier I'd be regretting not seeing the world. But now I'm ready to meet someone and hope it's still possible. Maybe therapy would help?

You sound overly focused on yourself.

how is that overly focused on herself? she is living life on her terms. it is her life. she is not hurting anyone in the process.

The fact she wants to spend money to go and talk to someone about herself.