Anonymous wrote:OP, I look at it from another perspective. I WOH, and DH is a SAHD. My work is not very stressful, and I chose to work a long time ago for a variety of reasons. Basically, I'm very much like you DH in that respect--married or single, I'd be doing what I'm doing.

Here is the kicker. I absolutely expect DH to do the chores. He is the chore mule, that is his job. I am putting in long hours these days (not by choice, but it is what it is now) and sometimes come home exhausted. If I do my dishes, it's a bonus. If I don't, I don't hear a squeak about this. He does it, I sincerely thank him for that. I do not shop, I do not clean. I spend time with DC, and I do volunteer to take over, because I know how tiring small children are. Again, it's a bonus. If I'm not up to it, tough shit, he'd better man up and feed the baby, bathe the baby and so on.

I think it is psychologically easier to think of a man as a chore mule. When it's a woman, such thoughts are tantamount to misogyny. But that's the only way this SAH things works. Tilt the scale either way, and it affects your relationship negatively. Yes, DH should appreciate what you do, it's not an easy job. And if he doesn't, I don't know how you can fix that. Counseling maybe? But it doesn't change the simple fact that you are an alma de casa and should live to the name.

Good luck working this out. It doesn't happen easily for everybody, you may be better off going back to work in a couple of years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a great idea that always works like a charm!!

Have him stay home for a week alone with your child. Call it a "Walk a Day in My Shoes."

Guaranteed by at least Day 3, he will be begging for work stress vs. stay at home stress. I promise.

Yep but if he did it for a month, things settle down and its not too bad of a job....you are not going to get fired if you forget an appointment, get the kids to school late, etc.

No kidding!

Not a SAHM, but keeping appointments/being on time is not the most stressful part of SAH...not even close. You don't need the risk of being fired to be stressed out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a great idea that always works like a charm!!

Have him stay home for a week alone with your child. Call it a "Walk a Day in My Shoes."

Guaranteed by at least Day 3, he will be begging for work stress vs. stay at home stress. I promise.

Yep but if he did it for a month, things settle down and its not too bad of a job....you are not going to get fired if you forget an appointment, get the kids to school late, etc.

No kidding!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a great idea that always works like a charm!!

Have him stay home for a week alone with your child. Call it a "Walk a Day in My Shoes."

Guaranteed by at least Day 3, he will be begging for work stress vs. stay at home stress. I promise.

Yep but if he did it for a month, things settle down and its not too bad of a job....you are not going to get fired if you forget an appointment, get the kids to school late, etc.

Anonymous wrote:I have a great idea that always works like a charm!!

Have him stay home for a week alone with your child. Call it a "Walk a Day in My Shoes."

Guaranteed by at least Day 3, he will be begging for work stress vs. stay at home stress. I promise.

Anonymous wrote:I'm SAH by default because we moved right after DS (1yr) was born, and I haven't found a job. We have a very low cost of living now, and few expenses. I also stockpiled a lot of cash before leavin my job, so we have decent savings for future expenses (bigger house etc) down the line when I start working again. So this isn't about money/financial pressure. DH has a stressful job, and a lot of responsibility gets piled onto him. But he's had this job for many years- it's not like he had to step up because he got married and had a baby. He would still have this job if he were single. Anyway, he's starting to resent me-he makes offhand comments about how he hates going to work and he's jealous of me. Lately, he's doing zero housework. He doesn't even bus his own plate after dinner. If I don't pick it up, it will sit there for eternity. The one delineated chore he's supposed to do is trash, but he hasn't done it in weeks. I don't want a fight, but this is becoming really irritating, and I feel like a chore mule. I feel like because of his resentment, if I say something, he's going to be a jerk about it and we'll get in a fight. Any advice or btdt?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You people are so confused about this thread. OP stated that she does the majority of the housechores. But, the DH can still bus his own plate, yet, he still expects her to even do that. It's a friggin plate. He seems to just refuse to do this because he is taking things out on her. Immature, selfish, and disrespectful.

**Yes it's a friggin plate, so she should not play into it or act like she notices his silly behavior. No attention is better then negative attention like any child, just wash ALL the dishes and ignore it. It's on him, he'll have to work through his job issues.