Anonymous wrote:Eh, I can't say it's out and out tacky but it's not really gracious either. Then again, I think it's pretty tacky to stay at someone else's beach house when they aren't there. We're adults now, buy your own place or rent one but don't mooch off friends. I have a friend that bought a multimillion dollar beachfront property and I have another friend who comes right out and suggests a visit every chance she gets. That to me is so tacky! Just rent a room at a hotel if you want a night at the beach so badly! As an owner, when it gets to the point that you are feeling pinched by your own generosity, it's time to reevaluate. i think it's really easy to lose friends over vacation property. People get so weird and kind of stingy. It's easy for me to say though, my immediate family has vacation property in the places I want to go so I've never once felt like I wanted to use someone else's. When I stay at others homes, I always wish I hadn't because of sand drama. I'd rather just stay on my own and not feel indebted on my vacation.

PP I think you make some good points here. Human nature! Its tough to inherit a $1M beach house and then cry poverty.
We had friends who bought a second home -- they seemed to think that we were so into their home that we would do chores all weekend for them --we were only there for 24 hours. It was awkward -- they kept the heat down to save money, they bought food that was past the sell by date -- all this so they could buy even more. The whole time they talked about ever more improvements to spend money on. We were really not that interested in their house , or needing to vacation there -- we actually preferred their company. But we have chores of our own at home. So yes, it can get awkward. I would have preferred to just pay a cleaning service. Up and 9 and get scrubbing! We ended up just declining all offers.

Anonymous wrote:Nouveau riche problems

OP here. I 100% agree!

I'm reconsidering some people that I have let stay there for a number of reasons. I am going to track expenses and see what it is actually costing me, besides the cleaning team.
The posters that pointed out the wear and tears costs as well as the utilities (which I never considered would be that much greater than if we were there) made me think.
This is only going to be our second summer having this home so I'm still trying to figure out what to do.

I do feel some guilt? Sense of being humbled and wanting to share? More guilt? That I have this huge asset and a large inheritance and have just vaulted into a completely different situation than people I have commiserated with very recently about the high cost of plane tickets, hotel rooms and how we only do Disney for 2 days and camp because we can't afford the park, and I feel like I should be more generous.
Will work through this, thank you all.

We have a second home and people borrow it all the time. We ALWAYS ask that they pay the $100 cleaning fee. That way when we go to use it everything is ready for me. Your friends are tacky if they are leaving you aess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is tacky. If they stayed there without you for a week, of course they should pay for it to be cleaned. But staying there a day or two with you -- no. You are their guest. You can do the dishes or take the trash out, but other than that -- your house, your responsibility. When you start to make the condition of the house, the cleaning of the house, the maintenance of the house a priority, then the house seems more important that the guests. Next time you come over, could you bring a vacuum cleaner and do some deep cleaning ?? If having guests seems to make the house not work for you, have less guests over.

I don't think that they can truly be considered guests when OP is not there. It is a free paid vacation. I think it is perfectly fine to say. "We are happy to loan you the house for the week but weask that you help to pay the cleaning costs." $200 for a free 1 week beach vacation in a nice house is pretty cheap.

I agree. That's why I ask for it. If they had to pay for a hotel room for a week with an ocean view, they pay $2K or more. The least they can do is pay for the cleaning service. Why should I offer a free week and then have to pay for someone to clean up after guests?

OP, I would for sure pay cleaning fees & still leave you a gift for allowing my family to stay! Very reasonable, and any of your true friends will understand. (BTW, if you are looking for new friends then I am available!)

Nouveau riche problems

Anonymous wrote:I think it is tacky. If they stayed there without you for a week, of course they should pay for it to be cleaned. But staying there a day or two with you -- no. You are their guest. You can do the dishes or take the trash out, but other than that -- your house, your responsibility. When you start to make the condition of the house, the cleaning of the house, the maintenance of the house a priority, then the house seems more important that the guests. Next time you come over, could you bring a vacuum cleaner and do some deep cleaning ?? If having guests seems to make the house not work for you, have less guests over.

I don't think that they can truly be considered guests when OP is not there. It is a free paid vacation. I think it is perfectly fine to say. "We are happy to loan you the house for the week but weask that you help to pay the cleaning costs." $200 for a free 1 week beach vacation in a nice house is pretty cheap.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'd let a friend stay in my million-dollar beach house unless that friend knew me well enough to know my basic situation in life; that I'd inherited the place, and couldn't just routinely shell out hundreds of dollars for cleaners.

This. If you think they'd balk at paying for cleaning, why are you such good friends with them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we don't really encourage friends to use our beach house. It's a house that would rent for $4000 a week if we were to rent it. Between cleaning and utilities, along with wear and tear (broken glasses, etc) it costs us $500 week for someone else to use it. And based on this thread people think it's tacky to ask to cover the cleaning fee. We are delighted to have guests when we are there, and have friends nearly every weekend in summer.

+1

When my family is at the beach house - it is coveted family/vacation time. We have had people assume it is okay to use our beach house, or assume it is okay to crash our own vacation time. No effing way.

+2 I feel this way in general. Even at your beach house, its my vacation, too. No service, no saying there for me. Its just too much to clean an entire 4BR home after a vacation. Tidy it for a service yes, deep clean, no.

That's fine - but you should at least PAY FOR cleaning. If you are too much of a "taker", don't expect to be invited back. Ever. And inviting yourself on our vacation - NOT going to happen.

Anonymous wrote:Not tacky.

But, I think I'd consider turning it into a vacation rental when you aren't there and then you don't have to worry.

+1

Book it solid, so there is no question.

It's tacky to me that they're not offering! A week at a $1m beach house for free and they don't even say "We are of course giving you $300 toward cleaning once we leave, no discussion."

Not tacky.

But, I think I'd consider turning it into a vacation rental when you aren't there and then you don't have to worry.

In my humble opinion I think it is absolutely rude to leave a house messy as a guest. However I do understand that especially with young kids, this can be challenging.

However there is never an acceptable reason for not leaving your home clean after their stay.

If they are not courteous enough to leave everything better than it was before their stay, then I would just pass on them staying there again.

It may sound harsh but people should have common sense in situations like this.

You shouldn't have to even be in an awkward position that you are in right now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we don't really encourage friends to use our beach house. It's a house that would rent for $4000 a week if we were to rent it. Between cleaning and utilities, along with wear and tear (broken glasses, etc) it costs us $500 week for someone else to use it. And based on this thread people think it's tacky to ask to cover the cleaning fee. We are delighted to have guests when we are there, and have friends nearly every weekend in summer.

+1

When my family is at the beach house - it is coveted family/vacation time. We have had people assume it is okay to use our beach house, or assume it is okay to crash our own vacation time. No effing way.

+2 I feel this way in general. Even at your beach house, its my vacation, too. No service, no saying there for me. Its just too much to clean an entire 4BR home after a vacation. Tidy it for a service yes, deep clean, no.

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we don't really encourage friends to use our beach house. It's a house that would rent for $4000 a week if we were to rent it. Between cleaning and utilities, along with wear and tear (broken glasses, etc) it costs us $500 week for someone else to use it. And based on this thread people think it's tacky to ask to cover the cleaning fee. We are delighted to have guests when we are there, and have friends nearly every weekend in summer.

+1

When my family is at the beach house - it is coveted family/vacation time. We have had people assume it is okay to use our beach house, or assume it is okay to crash our own vacation time. No effing way.