What I find unfathomable today- and it's not just local -is why it's a common expectation that every DC will be a straight A student, a D1 athlete and a virtuoso musician or something else extraordinary. I grew up expected to do MY best- whatever level that was. And the notion that every child would be Ivy League material did not exist. Today that seems unheard of, which is really insane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

U of Wisconsin isn't that easy to get into either you know.

It is for a certain profile. It's where the disappointed Sidwell parents send their mid-pack, affluent white kids with no hook, for example.

If you go to Sidwell and and up there--or Michigan, for that matter--ask yourself, why did I spend money for this crap?

Do you realize how ridiculous you sound referring to Michigan or Wisconsin as "crap?" If the only reason you send your kid to Sidwell is to win the elite college lottery you are missing the point of private school education.

If you are sending a kid to Sidwell to get into an Ivy, it's a mistake. They have a better chance if they go to a public school that doesn't send many kids to Ivies, or even have many kids apply to Ivies. If you are sending your kid to Sidwell to get a great education, carry on.

If you have a kid who is going to grad school or professional school, the undergrad matters less than you think. They should attend a good school, but don't necessarily require a top school pedigree as an undergrad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

U of Wisconsin isn't that easy to get into either you know.

It is for a certain profile. It's where the disappointed Sidwell parents send their mid-pack, affluent white kids with no hook, for example.

If you go to Sidwell and and up there--or Michigan, for that matter--ask yourself, why did I spend money for this crap?

Do you realize how ridiculous you sound referring to Michigan or Wisconsin as "crap?" If the only reason you send your kid to Sidwell is to win the elite college lottery you are missing the point of private school education.

And PP will be back in a few years when reality hits and she realizes that UWM or Michigan are in the running for her snowflake.

Wisconsin Alum here-- it is not UWM, it is UW, Wisconsin, or Madison. UWM is the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. And, by the way, any of your kids would be lucky to go to Wisconsin. It is truly a life-changing university both socially and academically. And, it is where stem cells were first isolated and where numerous world changing discoveries and innovations that benefit all of us are found every day. So show a little f*&^ing respect.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

U of Wisconsin isn't that easy to get into either you know.

It is for a certain profile. It's where the disappointed Sidwell parents send their mid-pack, affluent white kids with no hook, for example.

If you go to Sidwell and and up there--or Michigan, for that matter--ask yourself, why did I spend money for this crap?

Do you realize how ridiculous you sound referring to Michigan or Wisconsin as "crap?" If the only reason you send your kid to Sidwell is to win the elite college lottery you are missing the point of private school education.

And PP will be back in a few years when reality hits and she realizes that UWM or Michigan are in the running for her snowflake.

I personally know a Sidwell grad who went to Michigan, then to Stanford for her PhD, and is now a professor at Yale. Go Blue!

No, I worry that my kids will inherit some of the mental illnesses that have affected my family. I just want them to be happy and stable when they are adults. Having witnessed family members with elite degrees crumble as they entered their adult live, I can say that those degrees don't guarantee future happiness and "success" however it is defined.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

U of Wisconsin isn't that easy to get into either you know.

It is for a certain profile. It's where the disappointed Sidwell parents send their mid-pack, affluent white kids with no hook, for example.

If you go to Sidwell and and up there--or Michigan, for that matter--ask yourself, why did I spend money for this crap?

Do you realize how ridiculous you sound referring to Michigan or Wisconsin as "crap?" If the only reason you send your kid to Sidwell is to win the elite college lottery you are missing the point of private school education.

And PP will be back in a few years when reality hits and she realizes that UWM or Michigan are in the running for her snowflake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

U of Wisconsin isn't that easy to get into either you know.

It is for a certain profile. It's where the disappointed Sidwell parents send their mid-pack, affluent white kids with no hook, for example.

If you go to Sidwell and and up there--or Michigan, for that matter--ask yourself, why did I spend money for this crap?

Do you realize how ridiculous you sound referring to Michigan or Wisconsin as "crap?" If the only reason you send your kid to Sidwell is to win the elite college lottery you are missing the point of private school education.

It's a silly question. 98% of children will not be "Ivy material" but success comes in many forms. There isn't much reason to stake you or your child's worth on a "game" that guarantees a 98% figure rate.

There are plenty of small business people and sales-types that aren't school-smart but are incredibly savvy and earn a lot of money (easily 10x what I do). They may not like to discuss the nuances of international development policy or might not read literary fiction, but they are likely highly emotionally/socially intelligent.

We're not a particularly wealthy family, so many people would not consider us successful. But, we're a family that values working on things we think are socially valuable and we're willing to accept lower incomes to pursue what we want to do. We've got degrees from elite schools and a lifestyle that bolsters our child's intellectual development. And our priority has been to transmit our values and intellectual orientation to our child. Despite our modest income, DC has gone to selective private schools. So our DC has had many built in advantages from the start to get into an elite college. It doesn't mean DC is any better than anyone else, it just means DC has a set of advantages that few others have for the particularly narrow criteria that elite schools look for.

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Anonymous wrote:I can see how that is possible PP. If you work long hours, you are probably surrounded by other well educated people like yourself. Your friends are probably from high school, college and where you work. Ditto on your spouse.

Well the weird thing (to me) was that they didn't appear even slightly embarrassed or sheepish about it. I don't know, I thought it was odd. I don't think it is a good thing to be so far in a bubble that you quite literally don't know anyone not like you: who doesn't come from a wealthy background or made different choices in life, such as to go into the military for example or to go to culinary or beauty school instead of college. Not to mention their assumption that people who did pursue a different path are somehow inferior (which in my mind was the implication in saying they would be seriously disappointed if their DC didn't go to college - some of the people I was talking with couldn't even imagine the possibility; they assume they have total control over their DC's decisions).

I grew up in DC and went to prep school. 100% of my classmates went to college. I work in a fairly highly compensated field where 100% of the professional workers went to college. I'm upper middle class so I know very few people who didn't go to college. I know the difference in average life time earnings between those with a high school degree and those with a college degree. It's really a class thing. Upper class and upper middle class people all go to college. There are a few outliers, but it is just expected and assumed. You don't send your kid to prep school if everyone isn't planning on them going to college.

This is an interesting subthread. My grandparents were immigrants to this country and did not have a college education so clearly I know someone that didn't attend college. They stressed education and my mom and her siblings except one( my uncle that joined the military but not by choice) attended college. As a black female I feel that education is still one of the best paths to the middle/upper middle class. I would love for my daughters to start their own business (knowing this doesn't always require a college degree) because I feel that is really the true path to wealth but reality is that there are not that many large businesses owned my African American females. I think it would be even harder for a minority female that didn't attend college or dropped out to convince investors to back them. My DH's family has several entrepreneurs and it started with someone they knew in college or a job that came after grad school. For my kids not to attend college and not be in a position to own their own business - I don't see how they would have economic freedom. If the winds of the job market changes, how would they adapt quickly? How would they be in a financial position to be able to SAH with the kids, work part-time, take time off to volunteer at the school, bring kids to activities etc, leave a marriage if needed if they are in a non-flexible low paying job? Not to say people don't overcome in many situations but why would you want a harder road for your children? So, I don't know that I would be comfortable sending my kids into a school environment where going to college is not the norm given that I have a choice. So like the PP mentioned if my kids continue the prep school track they may not be close friends with anyone that didn't attend (not saying graduated) college unless the person enlisted in the military.

So to the OP question, not worried about elite college. For financial reasons we are focused on state college or potentially out of state with some merit. My DH went to a state college so he would love for the kids to follow in his footsteps. I'm worried that flagship U has gotten so competitive that may not be possible.

I'm in the elite-university-was-life-changing-for-me camp, but recognize it wouldn't for my DC who has been raised in an affluent, urban, east coast private school environment. DC's headed to the Midwest for college -- wants to experience something different and found the whole Ivy-obsession thing really off-putting. Also considered California.

Different PP here. You cannot understand the mindset because you never lived that life where you are so poor that the tuition alone at community college seems like a huge hurdle.

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know what I want for my children. I went to an ivy and medical school and for me -- someone who was raised in a trailer park in Nebraska -- it was life changing, but incredibly stressful because that was.my.one.shot.

My kids have easier lives than mine. Or my husband's (who also grew up poor, but went to a good college and grad school which led to his high paying career). They have a higher margin of error than I did. I couldn't make a mistake. They can. They have something I never did, which is the means to be supported. If I would have flunked out or burned out, I knew my future. Waiting tables, working at a gas station, other low paying jobs that my family (the ones who weren't drug addicted or abusing alcohol) went to on a daily basis.

Or gone to a community college for a few years, transferred to a local 4 year college, and still ended up averagely middle class. I honestly do not understand the mindset of so many of these posters who seem to think the only possible outcome are an ivy + med school, or working at a gas station.

In my situation, it would have been. I lived in a rural town with few opportunities. And I have to stress the poverty. We were so, so poor, PP. It's hard to explain to people here because there are more opportunities and resources, but I was raised in a very, very poverty stricken region. The closest CC was 150 miles away. I was seriously cash strapped (I lived in scholarships and student loans. There were many years I didn't go home for Christmas, but had to hustle an invite to a friend's because I couldn't afford the tickets). I absolutely knew that college was a lottery ticket for me out of generations of poverty. If it wasn't college, I would have been working menial jobs like everyone trying to keep the lights on and gas in the car.

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know what I want for my children. I went to an ivy and medical school and for me -- someone who was raised in a trailer park in Nebraska -- it was life changing, but incredibly stressful because that was.my.one.shot.

My kids have easier lives than mine. Or my husband's (who also grew up poor, but went to a good college and grad school which led to his high paying career). They have a higher margin of error than I did. I couldn't make a mistake. They can. They have something I never did, which is the means to be supported. If I would have flunked out or burned out, I knew my future. Waiting tables, working at a gas station, other low paying jobs that my family (the ones who weren't drug addicted or abusing alcohol) went to on a daily basis.

Or gone to a community college for a few years, transferred to a local 4 year college, and still ended up averagely middle class. I honestly do not understand the mindset of so many of these posters who seem to think the only possible outcome are an ivy + med school, or working at a gas station.

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

Enjoy Virginia Tech.

If he's lucky enough to get in.

Anonymous wrote:There was a good article about this in the OnParenting blog in the post a month or two ago--about how even middle school kids and their parents are worrying about this, and how it can lead directly to unhappiness. I will try to find it...

Here it is...
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/10/20/not-just-high-schoolers-anymore-my-middle-school-students-are-feeling-the-pressure-to-succeed/