Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Wow, I am clearly a prude. I never occurred to me when dating to have sex before i was comfortable and we were clearly exclusive.


Neither would I but honestly if you're not comfortable with a guy after a number of dates, it's time to dump him and move on. How many dates are reasonable?

At one date a week, 5 dates is 5 weeks ... if you're not comfortable then, the chemistry's definitely off.


And you are okay that he probably has 1 or 2 other women in the same situation.

How many weeks do you expect it to take to untangle from those women?

Any guy who is dating 1 or 2 women will not waste time taking a woman out for 5 weeks. Most likely you have a guy who is not in demand/experienced. He will stick around and spend money on you. These guys get burnt a lot.

Probably not Alpha Male, high powered husband material.

High powered Alpha Males are assholes typically, and the last they thing they are good husband and father material.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Wow, I am clearly a prude. I never occurred to me when dating to have sex before i was comfortable and we were clearly exclusive.


Neither would I but honestly if you're not comfortable with a guy after a number of dates, it's time to dump him and move on. How many dates are reasonable?

At one date a week, 5 dates is 5 weeks ... if you're not comfortable then, the chemistry's definitely off.


And you are okay that he probably has 1 or 2 other women in the same situation.

How many weeks do you expect it to take to untangle from those women?

Any guy who is dating 1 or 2 women will not waste time taking a woman out for 5 weeks. Most likely you have a guy who is not in demand/experienced. He will stick around and spend money on you. These guys get burnt a lot.

Probably not Alpha Male, high powered husband material.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a collective action problem. If more women waited, then men would have to stick around more till the woman was more comfortable with where the relationship sorts or whatever. Since some women don't wait, men can just bail and sleep with a woman who moves faster.

I agree, and I think online dating has made it much worse. Basically all the online dating sites save the religious ones are one step away from Tinder.

It's a shame that so many buy into the whole quick sex game, which lead to little good.

agree

Anonymous wrote:This is a collective action problem. If more women waited, then men would have to stick around more till the woman was more comfortable with where the relationship sorts or whatever. Since some women don't wait, men can just bail and sleep with a woman who moves faster.

I agree, and I think online dating has made it much worse. Basically all the online dating sites save the religious ones are one step away from Tinder.

It's a shame that so many buy into the whole quick sex game, which lead to little good.

Anonymous



This is a collective action problem. If more women waited, then men would have to stick around more till the woman was more comfortable with where the relationship sorts or whatever. Since some women don't wait, men can just bail and sleep with a woman who moves faster.

Sure...bring it up at the next conference of international women dating meeting. I am sure it will be adopted and ratified. Not everyone takes months to be comfortable with another person. Men are picking up the tab for a few months while you get comfortable? I bet you just like string the sucker along until something better come up. Given the guy is attractive and 1/2 way decent, why should he wait and continue to waste time with you? There are other women who are comfortable with their bodies and themselves. PS the majority of married couples I know did not wait and all are happily married.

This is a collective action problem. If more women waited, then men would have to stick around more till the woman was more comfortable with where the relationship sorts or whatever. Since some women don't wait, men can just bail and sleep with a woman who moves faster.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to get married, no sex while dating is the quickest way to get down the aisle. My husband proposed in 3 months because I wouldn't have sex with him. I was a virgin and would not have sex out of marriage for religious reasons. No one could be believe how quickly he proposed. I don't think he would of done that if he was getting everything he wanted from me outside of marriage. Why buy the cow?

You'd rather him rush to marriage? That seems risky from the long-term perspective.

NP here.

Not really. It worked out similarly well for me. 12 years in, my husband is still the most stellar man I've ever met.

Men can find sex anywhere. If a man is willing to get married and care for a woman in order to get her in bed, he was probably open to commitment from the start. It's far more risky, in my opinion, to marry a man you've been dating and living with for years. After all that playing house with no commitment, the passion is usually gone and the couple ends up getting married because it's the next step.

Yes really. I did this and it worked out horribly. You sound naive and pathetic.

Yes it is but it depends on the woman AND man.

OP, I understand the willingness to lose a few men, because chances are that if they walk for that reason, they will not be a good fit FOR YOU.
I never liked the kinds of men who were willing early on. I was really afraid of STDs and I had a bad first time experience. In that case, he ran around telling everyone about me like he was an immature kid. I was so embarrassed that I told myself that I would have to get to know the man really well....
Anyway, if you are turned off by promiscuity (and your culture will define that word), having sex early will expose a personality that you will hate.
Also, it is much easier for women to wait, we all know that.

I'm sure it's possible. Lid for every pot and all. It wouldn't have worked for me because sex is way too important and varies wildly from man to man.

This thread is highly interesting to me as I just had a conversation with a friend of mine. Being in my mid 30s I am dating via various dating sites. I'm of the belief that you wait for sex till you are exclusive or at least comfortable enough with each other. However, I am continually finding men who jump from "hello" to "let's just hang at your house" within a week. It's exhausting to continually tell guys that you prefer to wait and then see how fast they run.

No way am I going to be with someone on the third date. Who does that in real life? It's crazy. Sex IS special and not like having a cup of coffee with a person.

My last boyfriend waited 4.5 months for me. A few months into our sex life, he proposed. 30 years later, he's still happy he did. Some people are worth waiting for!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to get married, no sex while dating is the quickest way to get down the aisle. My husband proposed in 3 months because I wouldn't have sex with him. I was a virgin and would not have sex out of marriage for religious reasons. No one could be believe how quickly he proposed. I don't think he would of done that if he was getting everything he wanted from me outside of marriage. Why buy the cow?

You'd rather him rush to marriage? That seems risky from the long-term perspective.

NP here.

Not really. It worked out similarly well for me. 12 years in, my husband is still the most stellar man I've ever met.

Men can find sex anywhere. If a man is willing to get married and care for a woman in order to get her in bed, he was probably open to commitment from the start. It's far more risky, in my opinion, to marry a man you've been dating and living with for years. After all that playing house with no commitment, the passion is usually gone and the couple ends up getting married because it's the next step.

Anonymous wrote:If you want to get married, no sex while dating is the quickest way to get down the aisle. My husband proposed in 3 months because I wouldn't have sex with him. I was a virgin and would not have sex out of marriage for religious reasons. No one could be believe how quickly he proposed. I don't think he would of done that if he was getting everything he wanted from me outside of marriage. Why buy the cow?

You'd rather him rush to marriage? That seems risky from the long-term perspective.

I think it can happen.