Anonymous
Post 11/12/2015 10:41     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:I disagree with other posters, and think it's 100% possible your husband was trying to protect your feelings which given the scenario sounds well-intended and possibily even the right thing to do.

That said it's also 100% shitty for the dad to not want you there and even more shitty for your husband to basically comply./


My husband has occasionally tried to make some situation sound like the benefits are all about me, then it dawns on me that he's BS-ing me. I hate that.
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2015 09:15     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I disagree -- HIS family or no, it is simply beyond rude to invite a man and his children to dinner and exclude his wife. That is not done. By any one. Ask Miss Manners.

Op, your DH seriously screwed up here. He should have told his father off and been honest with you. He should apologize.



No one has to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. It's their choice, and if people think it's rude, so be it.



Hahaha, that made me laugh so hard. Ummm it's the holidays, I'm pretty sure almost everyone will have to spend time with someone they don't want to, I think it goes with the territory. So, you'd better spike the eggnog/cider!


Nope. I'm of the mindset that life is too short to write off holidays as days we endure for the sake of tradition. I'll give up Thanksgiving every other year and grit my teeth through it but never Christmas, for example.
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2015 08:35     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, we have feuding family. We decided this year it will be at our house and who ever comes, comes. Its their drama, not ours. Your husband should not be forced to choose, but if he doesn't choose being with you, I'd be really pissed. He should not be going with the kids without you to his family. You do it at your house or your family if his family feels that strongly about you.


This is it, right here- it's HIS family, not hers. They don't have to like her, and they don't have to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. If OP's husband wants to spend it with them and the kids, then he and OP have to work it out, but HIS family, as this poster specifies accurately, does not have to want to see OP or welcome her anywhere.


Wow. You're like, SUPER good at marriage.


Thanks! I do recognize that people marry who they want, and their family doesn't have to like it, or the person.


And super DUPER good at family.


Thanks!


You don't lob bombs like that into other people's marriages. If your "invitation" serves to split up a nuclear family please do everyone a favor and keep your invite to yourself. You either play nicely or remove yourself to the sidelines where you can dote on yourself.
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2015 07:11     Subject: Re:Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws

it's the holidays .... almost everyone will have to spend time with someone they don't want to, I think it goes with the territory.



I love this as an idea for a commercial. Maybe for Celestial Seasonings tea. Or Maalox.
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2015 02:06     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I disagree -- HIS family or no, it is simply beyond rude to invite a man and his children to dinner and exclude his wife. That is not done. By any one. Ask Miss Manners.

Op, your DH seriously screwed up here. He should have told his father off and been honest with you. He should apologize.



No one has to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. It's their choice, and if people think it's rude, so be it.



Hahaha, that made me laugh so hard. Ummm it's the holidays, I'm pretty sure almost everyone will have to spend time with someone they don't want to, I think it goes with the territory. So, you'd better spike the eggnog/cider!
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2015 00:17     Subject: Re:Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Maybe a teensie weensie bit less good at irony.


Sarcasm, too.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2015 22:55     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, we have feuding family. We decided this year it will be at our house and who ever comes, comes. Its their drama, not ours. Your husband should not be forced to choose, but if he doesn't choose being with you, I'd be really pissed. He should not be going with the kids without you to his family. You do it at your house or your family if his family feels that strongly about you.


This is it, right here- it's HIS family, not hers. They don't have to like her, and they don't have to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. If OP's husband wants to spend it with them and the kids, then he and OP have to work it out, but HIS family, as this poster specifies accurately, does not have to want to see OP or welcome her anywhere.


Wow. You're like, SUPER good at marriage.


Thanks! I do recognize that people marry who they want, and their family doesn't have to like it, or the person.


And super DUPER good at family.


Thanks!


Maybe a teensie weensie bit less good at irony.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2015 21:37     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I disagree -- HIS family or no, it is simply beyond rude to invite a man and his children to dinner and exclude his wife. That is not done. By any one. Ask Miss Manners.

Op, your DH seriously screwed up here. He should have told his father off and been honest with you. He should apologize.



No one has to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. It's their choice, and if people think it's rude, so be it.


Hi FIL! What are you doing on DCUM? Please, give us all the dirt on why you hate OP and think you're justified from excluding her?
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2015 21:24     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Indeed, if they do not want the wife, they do not have to invite the son. That is the choice they have.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2015 21:12     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:I disagree -- HIS family or no, it is simply beyond rude to invite a man and his children to dinner and exclude his wife. That is not done. By any one. Ask Miss Manners.

Op, your DH seriously screwed up here. He should have told his father off and been honest with you. He should apologize.



No one has to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. It's their choice, and if people think it's rude, so be it.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2015 21:09     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
I disagree -- HIS family or no, it is simply beyond rude to invite a man and his children to dinner and exclude his wife. That is not done. By any one. Ask Miss Manners.

Op, your DH seriously screwed up here. He should have told his father off and been honest with you. He should apologize.

Anonymous
Post 11/11/2015 21:05     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, we have feuding family. We decided this year it will be at our house and who ever comes, comes. Its their drama, not ours. Your husband should not be forced to choose, but if he doesn't choose being with you, I'd be really pissed. He should not be going with the kids without you to his family. You do it at your house or your family if his family feels that strongly about you.


This is it, right here- it's HIS family, not hers. They don't have to like her, and they don't have to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. If OP's husband wants to spend it with them and the kids, then he and OP have to work it out, but HIS family, as this poster specifies accurately, does not have to want to see OP or welcome her anywhere.


Wow. You're like, SUPER good at marriage.


Thanks! I do recognize that people marry who they want, and their family doesn't have to like it, or the person.


And super DUPER good at family.


Thanks!
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2015 21:03     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, we have feuding family. We decided this year it will be at our house and who ever comes, comes. Its their drama, not ours. Your husband should not be forced to choose, but if he doesn't choose being with you, I'd be really pissed. He should not be going with the kids without you to his family. You do it at your house or your family if his family feels that strongly about you.


This is it, right here- it's HIS family, not hers. They don't have to like her, and they don't have to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. If OP's husband wants to spend it with them and the kids, then he and OP have to work it out, but HIS family, as this poster specifies accurately, does not have to want to see OP or welcome her anywhere.


Wow. You're like, SUPER good at marriage.


Thanks! I do recognize that people marry who they want, and their family doesn't have to like it, or the person.


And super DUPER good at family.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2015 20:54     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, we have feuding family. We decided this year it will be at our house and who ever comes, comes. Its their drama, not ours. Your husband should not be forced to choose, but if he doesn't choose being with you, I'd be really pissed. He should not be going with the kids without you to his family. You do it at your house or your family if his family feels that strongly about you.


This is it, right here- it's HIS family, not hers. They don't have to like her, and they don't have to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. If OP's husband wants to spend it with them and the kids, then he and OP have to work it out, but HIS family, as this poster specifies accurately, does not have to want to see OP or welcome her anywhere.


Wow. You're like, SUPER good at marriage.


Thanks! I do recognize that people marry who they want, and their family doesn't have to like it, or the person.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2015 20:52     Subject: Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, we have feuding family. We decided this year it will be at our house and who ever comes, comes. Its their drama, not ours. Your husband should not be forced to choose, but if he doesn't choose being with you, I'd be really pissed. He should not be going with the kids without you to his family. You do it at your house or your family if his family feels that strongly about you.


This is it, right here- it's HIS family, not hers. They don't have to like her, and they don't have to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. If OP's husband wants to spend it with them and the kids, then he and OP have to work it out, but HIS family, as this poster specifies accurately, does not have to want to see OP or welcome her anywhere.


Wow. You're like, SUPER good at marriage.