Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is disgusting. Your grandmother is still alive. Everyone, including OP, sounds like vultures.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the email suggestion.

Dear [cousins, by name, and uncle].

Thank you for [whatever honestly worthwhile thing they've helped with--'helping grandma transition to her new home.'?] Cousin T and I were on the phone and discussing how now is a suitable time to help downsize and clear out many of her things. I think of many of her things that I would cherish to give a new home in my own house.

I understand from Cousin T that you have already claimed or taken these items. In fact, speaking with him it seems that among you, you've claimed for yourselves every special item I can think of, and there are many such items.

[relative X and] I haven't been part of this process, and I'd like to be open with you that it's upsetting that we were not included in this process to identify some things we feel are special to us. [/amend to the singular if it's just you- but-you could certainly include your DD, for example].

I'd like you to reconsider the distribution of these items before Uncle heads to Florida. While grandma may have verbally agreed to pass along certain items to you, she undoubtedly did not realize that I had a strong interest and would have spoken up if I'd realized it was the time for her to make those particular decisions. I have asked her [actually do this, very generally, before you email] if she'd be open to me moving certain of my dad's things or the things which are particularly sentimental with memories of her, and she was totally for that.
I'd like to avoid drawing things out but I think it's fair for each of us to name the top thing we'd like to have, and then we can then go round with each of our second choice, and so on. I don't mind who would go first, and if others do, I suggest we go in order of age and include younger generations if they are interested. Although I know not every item is still in grandma's house at this point, I believe everyone can be gracious about passing along an item they might have if it is someone else's selections.
Sincerely
OP

Also include other relations so that you add more people to your position.Wait a week, and if Taking Relatives ignore, say, "X and I have started our selections. Mine is such and such, X's is such and such.

If they respond 'claimed', let them do so for one item each. At some point you can say, I'd like the desk,..oh, R took it? She requested the candelabra.ill ask her to set aside the bookcase for me then. Do it all as reply to all and Your other (left out) relatives can get on board too.

If necessary, say I spoke with grandma and she really liked this way of sharing her things evenly [but ask her first! And persuade her to agree]