Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm it sounds like you're making it a contest with those friends. If their revisionist relationship mythology bothers you, maybe you shouldn't hang out.

For the larger question, it provides context for how long they've been sharing lives, particularly if they were living together for those years before marriage. There was a much bigger difference between life before living together and after than before and after marriage.

Really, what the difference? I'm curious.

We just married a year ago, but have been living together and momogamous without interruption for 17 years. We have 2 children and own 2 homes, one a vacation property and one our primary residence.

So far it's been a year and it seems more of the same. Can you please tell me what to expect? Because the only reason we marries is we met with a lawyer to do some serious estate planning and getting married made things safer and easier when one of us dies.

Us too, some women need the validation of a gov contract and a ring to prove love. The ring is like a down payment on a house you have to "prove" your intentions with $$$$$$$$. Sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you may be thinking of me? In the Angie and Brad thread?

I answer that DH and I have been together 11 years though married six because that's very different than someone who's been married six years but met their spouse three months prior. There's a different base there.

I tend to lose respect quickly for people who date so long. They have completely different priorities and morals than I do.

Agree, if he really loves you..... He will marry you asap.

Both of you are just...ugh.

If HE really loves you, HE would marry YOU. Doyou devalue yourself that much.

The govt is apart of your moral system??????

So glad I am way more evolved than you.

Anonymous wrote:Hmm it sounds like you're making it a contest with those friends. If their revisionist relationship mythology bothers you, maybe you shouldn't hang out.

For the larger question, it provides context for how long they've been sharing lives, particularly if they were living together for those years before marriage. There was a much bigger difference between life before living together and after than before and after marriage.

Really, what the difference? I'm curious.

We just married a year ago, but have been living together and momogamous without interruption for 17 years. We have 2 children and own 2 homes, one a vacation property and one our primary residence.

So far it's been a year and it seems more of the same. Can you please tell me what to expect? Because the only reason we marries is we met with a lawyer to do some serious estate planning and getting married made things safer and easier when one of us dies.

We eloped after about 8 years, getting married was a nonevent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you may be thinking of me? In the Angie and Brad thread?

I answer that DH and I have been together 11 years though married six because that's very different than someone who's been married six years but met their spouse three months prior. There's a different base there.

I tend to lose respect quickly for people who date so long. They have completely different priorities and morals than I do.

Agree, if he really loves you..... He will marry you asap.

Both of you are just...ugh.

We are gay and were not allowed to be married until just over 2 years ago.
So we say we have been married for 2 years but have been together for 9. We would have been married longer if it was allowed so thats why I say it.

For some people, they answer by including how long they were together in addition to married because *that is what is important to them in THEIR relationship*. And that is fair.

Some people view marriage as a very different status in their relationship. And others, (probably those with less conventional views on marriage) don't define the beginning of their relationship by their marriage. They see as most important how long they were together in a committed relationship. I think it is FINE and GOOD for people to define their own relationships and describe them in ways meaningful to them.

So, when someone answers by also including how long they were together, they are telling you what is important to them about their relationship. They don't want to be placed in the conventional box that your question assumes (i.e., that years married is the most relevant measure of their relationship).

What a bizarre thread.

My assumption when someone asks the question "how long have you been married" is that they are asking because they are interested in me, my wife, and our relationship, not that they are doing a scientific study on precisely how long people they contact have been married and not because they are figuring out how much credit to assign us.

So sometimes I note that we knew each other for X years before we started dating, dated for X years, and have now been married for Y years. it is context on our relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you may be thinking of me? In the Angie and Brad thread?

I answer that DH and I have been together 11 years though married six because that's very different than someone who's been married six years but met their spouse three months prior. There's a different base there.

I tend to lose respect quickly for people who date so long. They have completely different priorities and morals than I do.

Agree, if he really loves you..... He will marry you asap.

Because marrying someone you barely know is a sign of both maturity & impeccable judgment.

I am curious about the ages of the people who think it is wrong to take "credit" for years before marriage. I think I'm too old for this website. It's been entertaining, but I'm done. Bye!

I met my spouse when we were 18 so I think telling people how long we've been together is a fun fact. We waited until we were 26 to get married. So less of a competition and more of a personal anecdote.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are we assigning "credit" for being married in the first place?

Because remaining happily married is tough.

Remaining happy in any long term relationship is tough. It's just more expensive to leave a marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have time to fret about this, you're probably a loser.

Without a doubt. OP, you're really going out of your way to be bothered here.

+2 get a life

Anonymous wrote:Why are we assigning "credit" for being married in the first place?

Because remaining happily married is tough.

Why are we assigning "credit" for being married in the first place?