Wow, the late night DCUM harpies came out early tonight.

OP if you were my daughter I would advise you to not meet up with the wife. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, she should turn to her friends or family. You are trying to leave this behind you and having to drag the past out with the wife is a bad idea for you.

Now I have been the cheated on wife, and it doesn't help at all to focus on the OW. The wife needs to focus on herself and what she needs and wants.

Basically, I don't think it's helpful or healthy for either of you to meet up.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Pp who said that men have each other's backs is completely right. I have learned that men support and enable each other in ways that women never would. I cannot think of a single girlfriend of mine who would cover for me, much less meet and hang out with the other man, if I was married and pretending to be single.

PP who is acting confused about how what happened to me and other women in this thread is different from discovering that your casual date is dating others: please just stop. First of all, we were monogamous. I have no idea why you think one has to be hanging out with a man's family regularly and practically living in the small town where he's originally from in order to expect monogamy. Your posts are just so weird.

While I agree that you were cheated by a truly depraved asshole, just a warning, not all men "have each other's backs" and will hide things for their friends. Likewise, not all women will rat out their girlfriends. I've actually known more women cheaters who got away for longer because their girlfriends covered for them than guys. The cheating women would be "out shopping with Sally" and Sally would cover and say they were shopping when she was with her beau. Another got several friends who helped propogate the lie that they had a regular "girls night out" on a night when she had a regular date with the boyfriend while leaving the husband home with the kids. The guys that I know who were cheaters got cut off from their friends. The guy friends did not tell, but they also just started avoiding the cheater who became fairly friendless. That is another one of those telltales, when a guy starts dating you and starts to lose his friends. If he had friends who start to avoid him or have less time for him when you're dating that may be a sign that the friends are just avoiding him and his situation.

Anonymous wrote:
PP here. Yep, total sociopaths, all of them. My super cheater was so attentive. He was talking about the future. Looking back, it was a schtick for him. He had to work hard for me, because I didn't fall for it. I was leaving the area to go to grad school. I was just looking for a fun relationship until I left. He kept telling me his company was bidding on various contracts. When they won, he would hire me and we'd move to X state or X country so we could be together. I kept telling him his was crazy. But in a different time in my life, I totally would have eaten that up!

As for the wife. I'm so glad I talked with my super cheater's wife. Based on my experience, I would talk or meet with her. If you are worried she is a nut case. Get a throw away Google number or a burner phone. Most likely she is just in a lot of pain and needs to talk with someone who knew her husband in a way no one else will understand.

Op here. How did the wife react when you met up? Do you think you were helpful to her at the end of the day and was she helpful to you? Sorry if you have already posted this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dated for a year and didn't google him? Did I miss something?

You do know that plenty of people have generic names or don't have an online presence, right? You could google me all day and sift through the results for years without knowing which entry relates to me as opposed to hundreds of people with my first and last name.

You date for a year and only know first snd last name?

Stop sleeping with people you hardly know.... Or stop complaining when you are used and thrown away like trash.

Op here. How many times are you going to post bitchy, sanctimonious responses in this thread before you get a life? Someone must've thrown you away like the trashy heifer you are to make you so bitter. Seek help.

But OP knew more than his name. She had his place of work, his friends names. Lots more to work with on Google.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dated for a year and didn't google him? Did I miss something?

You do know that plenty of people have generic names or don't have an online presence, right? You could google me all day and sift through the results for years without knowing which entry relates to me as opposed to hundreds of people with my first and last name.

You date for a year and only know first snd last name?

Stop sleeping with people you hardly know.... Or stop complaining when you are used and thrown away like trash.

Anonymous wrote:You dated for a year and didn't google him? Did I miss something?

You do know that plenty of people have generic names or don't have an online presence, right? You could google me all day and sift through the results for years without knowing which entry relates to me as opposed to hundreds of people with my first and last name.

OP, this is really strange that she is reaching out to you after two years. What kind of information does she need from you?There is nothing else you can do to help her. She needs to go to therapy, her friends, family,divorce lawyer. These are people who will help her. You are not her friend. I think you should definitely stay away.

Anonymous wrote:SAHM mom here: forgive me, but doesn't she have a mother, sisters, friends or cousins for support? No church? No Facebook or book club friends or friends from high school?

Taking your post at face value, you gave her tons of information and made a clean break. Frankly, you didn't even owe her that since her wayward DH lied to you. You could have just walked (run?) away from the both of them.

You've done more than your share. You've been honest, even generous, to her. You're free to go. If she's interfering with your life, she needs to confront her DH and go forward.

Um, why does it matter that you are a SAHM mom?

Anonymous wrote:You dated for a year and didn't google him? Did I miss something?

No. You didn't miss anything. It's women's lib .. We sleep with strangers like men do and don't care.

But the who knew we do care.

Then we blame the man.

You dated for a year and didn't google him? Did I miss something?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm the PP that unknowingly dated a married guy with 3 kids. How can you meet their family if he isn't from around here? The OP said she met his friends. I met my guy through work and knew many of his colleagues. They all knew we were dating (and that he was married). And even when I asked them if he was married, many just lied to me. We were semi-long distance and only dating a few months. So too soon to be meeting his kids and his Mom lived on the West Coast.

Yes, the techniques you mentioned work for run-of-the-mill cheaters. But super-cheater...they are in a league all by themselves. You really don't know what it is like until you get tangled up with them. They are so-so-so good at what they do. I luckily had my instinct that was quietly trying to warn me. But good liars are so good at lying. They get you all twisted up that you can't see straight. It's not until you are out that you realize "Oh that twisted up feeling isn't LOVE, it's lies".

Op here. See, I think these men's friends must be sociopaths too. How do men just smile in a woman's face knowing their buddy has a wife at home and then go smile in the wife's face too. The guys who covered up for my nasty ex actually baffle me more. Why not just stay out of it, instead of coming to hang out with me? What were they getting out of helping him dupe the women in his life?

The married guy I dated was definitely in "super cheater" territory. He was so caring and supportive. We were making plans for the new year and talking about the future.

PP here. Yep, total sociopaths, all of them. My super cheater was so attentive. He was talking about the future. Looking back, it was a schtick for him. He had to work hard for me, because I didn't fall for it. I was leaving the area to go to grad school. I was just looking for a fun relationship until I left. He kept telling me his company was bidding on various contracts. When they won, he would hire me and we'd move to X state or X country so we could be together. I kept telling him his was crazy. But in a different time in my life, I totally would have eaten that up!

As for the wife. I'm so glad I talked with my super cheater's wife. Based on my experience, I would talk or meet with her. If you are worried she is a nut case. Get a throw away Google number or a burner phone. Most likely she is just in a lot of pain and needs to talk with someone who knew her husband in a way no one else will understand.

This.

You did your part on this already years ago, OP. More than your part. You don't owe her anything at this point. You moved on from this and she made the choice not to. You are not the person she should be going to for support. And I doubt that, even if you did make yourself available, she'd actually get what she wants from you.

Anonymous wrote:What? You dated him for a year and didn't know he was married? Hmmm...

Totally. This is a fake post made by someone who wants to show how the valliant thing to do is contact a cheated upon DW. This never happened, nor would a cheated on spouse make friends with a homewrecker.