Some may say do like DeNiro in "The Intern" & let sleeping dogs lay/lie. No pun intended however.

I would definitely let the wife know if a). She was a VERY good friend of mine and b). I had solid evidence that her husband cheated on her.

Even still, she may think of you as the "Bad Cop" here as her husband will no doubt deny the whole thing.

Don't shoot the messenger I would warn her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Create an anonymous email or facebook account and tell the wife. Give her enough clues to figure it out herself (your husband was here on this night with another woman) and then move on.

+1 this.

Ugh. No. This is not a game, this is someone's life. Treat her with respect.

Agree. That is the cruelest, most cowardly thing I've ever heard. You have to be a sociopath to do something like that. It makes you far worse than the husband.

Disgusting.

MYOB unless you are the closest of friends with her.

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my friend if her DH was cheating on her, if I knew that he was planning to leave her and clear out the bank account. Or he had taken out a huge life insurance on her and was seen talking to a known mafia person. Or if I suspected some other disaster of that nature was headed her way because he wanted to cause her or her children harm.

I would also confront the DH and let him know that I know and would tell his wife if he did not tell her/mend his way etc.

But, I would never hurt someone's wife if I was the OW (even unwittingly). I would certainly tell the next prospective "victim" of this guy though.

I would tell if a man was cheating on someone who he planned to marry.

I would tell if it was my close friend or my sister.

In the case of OP, her motive is that of hurting and revenge. She is hurting an innocent woman for a wrong that OP committed with someone's DH. There is a big difference when this information comes from a place of understanding, concern and compassion vs. a place of anger, hurt and revenge.

'

Where do you read that? The man lied to her. How did she commit " a wrong with someone's DH"? The DH is the one who committed the wrong -- two wrongs, actually -- first he cheated on his wife, and second he duped the OP into sleeping with him by lying to her.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dw. Tell me please! That's sick. I'd want out.

OK. I hope someone will tell you if you are cheated on. Make a t-shirt and wear it 24/7 so people tell you your business.

On the other hand, if the wife is ignoring it, then respect that.

I'm a dw. Tell me please! That's sick. I'd want out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the wife already knows about the OW or is strongly suspicious. However, as long as DH doesn't bring drama into the house, she's willing to look the other way for the sake of the kids and their lifestyle (even if it makes her feel horrible inside).

OP: stay out of it. Don't bring drama into this woman's life that she - most likely - does not want to confront.

Yep!! I know this storyline! I am a random outsider and even i was told the line about the OW being stalkerish and inappropriate. ... except the OW is also married and has two children, the husband owns the condo, and the wife carefully, oh so carefully, looks the other way. And they all know each other. Cray. Hope they all get tested together.

Well if she knows about the condo and she knows the OW then it is her choice to look the other way. Some people do.

If she was oblivious to it all that would be different. She should know.

I would tell my friend if her DH was cheating on her, if I knew that he was planning to leave her and clear out the bank account. Or he had taken out a huge life insurance on her and was seen talking to a known mafia person. Or if I suspected some other disaster of that nature was headed her way because he wanted to cause her or her children harm.

I would also confront the DH and let him know that I know and would tell his wife if he did not tell her/mend his way etc.

But, I would never hurt someone's wife if I was the OW (even unwittingly). I would certainly tell the next prospective "victim" of this guy though.

I would tell if a man was cheating on someone who he planned to marry.

I would tell if it was my close friend or my sister.

In the case of OP, her motive is that of hurting and revenge. She is hurting an innocent woman for a wrong that OP committed with someone's DH. There is a big difference when this information comes from a place of understanding, concern and compassion vs. a place of anger, hurt and revenge.

'

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the wife already knows about the OW or is strongly suspicious. However, as long as DH doesn't bring drama into the house, she's willing to look the other way for the sake of the kids and their lifestyle (even if it makes her feel horrible inside).

OP: stay out of it. Don't bring drama into this woman's life that she - most likely - does not want to confront.

Yep!! I know this storyline! I am a random outsider and even i was told the line about the OW being stalkerish and inappropriate. ... except the OW is also married and has two children, the husband owns the condo, and the wife carefully, oh so carefully, looks the other way. And they all know each other. Cray. Hope they all get tested together.

Anonymous wrote:I really think that why you want to tell matters. Are you angry that the guy lied to you, and pissed that his wife thinks he's great, and you want to blow that all up out of vengefulness? Are you her friend? Are you going to gloat that her perfect life isn't really perfect, or are you going to help her pick up the pieces? Do you know for sure that she doesn't already know?

I think there are enough people on both sides of the "I'd want to know" and "I wouldn't want to know" debate that it's just not clear what to do in a given situation. The closer you are to the wife, the more likely it is that you're going to be helpful rather than just reveling in your schadenfreude.

This exactly.

I am one of those that prefer to live in blissful ignorance. I have kids to raise and a family to manage. Judging by the comments, its 50/50 whether people want some OW to tell them "the truth." Since its just as likely she doesn't want to know, MYOB

My guess is that the wife already knows about the OW or is strongly suspicious. However, as long as DH doesn't bring drama into the house, she's willing to look the other way for the sake of the kids and their lifestyle (even if it makes her feel horrible inside).

OP: stay out of it. Don't bring drama into this woman's life that she - most likely - does not want to confront.

Not

Most sexy they are leaving their up horrible wife.

But

Most say they are leaving their horrible wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are the other woman, do not tell the wife. She will never believe you. She'll just think you are a crazy stalker.

If you are the wife's sister, or life-long best friend, then yes, go ahead and tell.

If you are both the other woman and the wife's sister/best friend, you are a total loser bitch.

+1 Totally agree. As for the part about you being the OW you totally deserve whatever the wife throws at you if you tell. And the OW who tells the wife out of spite is also a total loser bitch.

Do you agree that there is woman who wants to tell out of spite and there is a woman who wants to tell because she might want to the wife to know the extent of the lies and to know she's being lied to and that the situation wasn't what she was told it was, and that it is not coming out of spite but out of feeling aware of just how crazy of a situation the husband had created after looking back.

No. The OP is clearly he OW. The wife already knows he cheated. The OW wants to tell the wife the extent of the affair to make herself feel better, to explain that she is not all bad because they had an apartment together. She thinks if the wife knows "the whole story" she will kcik him out. The PW wants revenge on her AP.

That is why the OP/OW should not tell.

Do you have this thread confused with another thread? In this thread, the OP didn't willingly have an affair with a married man -- he lied to her. The emotions you ascribe to the OP make no sense whatsoever.

The husband had a condo and no, it was not "an apartment they had together". No one wants revenge and if it telling the wife wasn't a difficult decision to make and it was all about revenge and spite there would be no reason to ask opinions and other points of view. Cmon.

All APs lie. Most sexy they are leaving their up horrible wife. All OW think they know "the whole story" but they don't. The wife knows he cheated, the OW's information does not add value to the wife.

The OW was used and abused, got to counseling, focus on yourself, get away from this toxic situation. Don't enter a committed relationship until you have met the family/friends.

Anonymous wrote:What do you hope to gain by telling his wife? You were wrong, her husband was wrong but his wife will continue to place the blame squarely on you.

Move on.

She's the OW, that's what.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are the other woman, do not tell the wife. She will never believe you. She'll just think you are a crazy stalker.

If you are the wife's sister, or life-long best friend, then yes, go ahead and tell.

If you are both the other woman and the wife's sister/best friend, you are a total loser bitch.

+1 Totally agree. As for the part about you being the OW you totally deserve whatever the wife throws at you if you tell. And the OW who tells the wife out of spite is also a total loser bitch.

Do you agree that there is woman who wants to tell out of spite and there is a woman who wants to tell because she might want to the wife to know the extent of the lies and to know she's being lied to and that the situation wasn't what she was told it was, and that it is not coming out of spite but out of feeling aware of just how crazy of a situation the husband had created after looking back.

No. The OP is clearly he OW. The wife already knows he cheated. The OW wants to tell the wife the extent of the affair to make herself feel better, to explain that she is not all bad because they had an apartment together. She thinks if the wife knows "the whole story" she will kcik him out. The PW wants revenge on her AP.

That is why the OP/OW should not tell.

Do you have this thread confused with another thread? In this thread, the OP didn't willingly have an affair with a married man -- he lied to her. The emotions you ascribe to the OP make no sense whatsoever.

The husband had a condo and no, it was not "an apartment they had together". No one wants revenge and if it telling the wife wasn't a difficult decision to make and it was all about revenge and spite there would be no reason to ask opinions and other points of view. Cmon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Create an anonymous email or facebook account and tell the wife. Give her enough clues to figure it out herself (your husband was here on this night with another woman) and then move on.

+1 this.

Ugh. No. This is not a game, this is someone's life. Treat her with respect.