How about inviting 3 or 4 friends he's really close to, say from pre-K up to now. What's the point of having 15 kids at a party? Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Why do birthday parties need to be huge productions?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you say"bully" what has he actually done and what has the school done to help?

Repeated taunting of my child for various things from how he holds a pencil to his religion, and trying to rally the other boys in the class against my child at recess. Since it's largely happening at times that are lower supervision (recess and while they're lined up in the hallways before school starts), the school has placed additional supervision at this places to keep at eye on it, and has had my child meet with the school counselor a few times to talk about how to deal with bullying. I don't know what they've done with respect to the other child, I'm not privvy to that information.

I'd include the kid, but request that his parents stay. Or, you could just enlist some extra adults to help supervise--it sounds like the kid doesn't pick on your kid when other adults are nearby.

Anonymous wrote:
Have a neighborhood friends party instead of a school friends party.

Yes another suggestion punishing the bday kid.

Have the party. He invites who he wants, even if this means his bully isn't invited.

Like I said up thread, don't invite the bully kid. No one will question/care/or even notice. And the bully kid's parents aren't going to call you up and ask about it. And if anyone does ask, tell the truth, the kid bullied your child so you didn't invite him.

Or delay the party and do a half year party---by then you will know who your child's friends are.

Have a neighborhood friends party instead of a school friends party.

Don't invite the entire class. Ask your child who his CLOSEST friends are and invite only those children through email or phone invitation.

I personally wouldn't invite a bully to my house, but I also doubt that the parents would RSVP yes.

But you also can't invite everyone BUT the bully. It's really not a nice thing to do.


People keep suggesting this...are you even reading the posts?? OP has explained quite clearly why this is not an option.

You're making this harder than it needs to be. OP, ask your kid which kids in his class he likes most so far and is interested in getting to know. Then invite those kids. It is a first grade birthday party, not a wedding. If the smaller guest list doesn't wind up being your kid's friends for life, it is ok.

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite the entire class. Ask your child who his CLOSEST friends are and invite only those children through email or phone invitation.

I personally wouldn't invite a bully to my house, but I also doubt that the parents would RSVP yes.

But you also can't invite everyone BUT the bully. It's really not a nice thing to do.

People keep suggesting this...are you even reading the posts?? OP has explained quite clearly why this is not an option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not invite the whole class minus one person, no matter how much of a bully he was. That's terrible to do to a kid. How old are the kids?

This is ridiculous. It is terrible to allow a birthday child to have 2 hours to celebrate his bday without fearing the bully, bullying him at his own party?

What is terrible is that b/c of one child the bday kid either has to have his bully at his party or can't invite some of the kids he would like to.
Seems like the bday child is continuing to pay the price for the bully's actions.

My thoughts exactly. Why are you assuming the bully will have his feelings crushed by not being at his victim's party?
On the other hand you and your child are having a whole lot of heartache over this already, when you should be happy and looking forward to celebrate YOUR CHILD's birthday.

People, it is only going to make the bullying situation worse if they have a party and invite the entire class except this one kid. Just invite a smaller group. That is what will make your kid's life easiest.

There are many times former foes have become great friends at that age. Don't know how the school got involved, don't know current status.
Have a parent/ other adult prepped to monitor the bully, but don't cut him out. He's already insecure, if he knows about the party things won't get better. Don't let him ruin it, if he can't hold it together, and font make your son have to manage him. Have another adult ready to intervene. It might work and it might not, but you avoid making things worse for your son by exclusion.

Don't invite the bully or your son won't be able to relax.

Okay, yes, you may be hurting the bully's feelings by not inviting him and possibly inviting everyone else. But, think about it, how badly is the bully hurting your child's feelings? Doesn't sound like the bully/bully's parents care that much. The bully, though he/she may be young, has brought this upon him/herself.

It doesn't seem fair that your child is the one who always gets the bad consequences because of the bully's bad choices...it's your child that gets bullied in school and it's your child that doesn't get the party he/she wants, and your child whose friendship opportunities that suffer because he/she has to trim down the invite list to ensure the bully's feelings don't get hurt. And it's your child that finds out he/she can't be inclusive to all the kids who do treat him/her nicely because it might hurt the bully's feelings.

Really, we have always invited everyone in the grade and now every boy in the grade to our parties, but after reading this, I don't think I would feel bad inviting everyone but the bully who torments my kid every day. My kids have never been bullied but it makes me mad to think about what your child has to deal with at school. He/she should be enjoying school, learning new things, exploring, making new friends. First grade should be a fun, exciting time and it is awful that this bully is making him afraid every day. If the bully's parents aren't actively trying to help the situation, I wouldn't care one whit about their feelings either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're also teaching him that his feelings matter less than somebody who is mistreating him.

Yes you are.

+1 But OP I think you are doing the right thing in changing who you invite.

OP, can you tell us more about the religious bullying? That's not acceptable at all. What religion are you? What religion is the other kid?

I think it's great that you have your son's back.