Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:45     Subject: Re:Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The bottom line, OP, is that if your wife doesn't have "time" to exercise -- between her commute, job and new baby -- she is not adjusting as well to motherhood as you think she is.

I agree with you; this is a problem and it's only going to get worse. It sounds like she is stress eating at this point, perhaps an subconscious attempt to feel better about pressure she is feeling that she is not discussing with you. You sound very vested in the point that your baby is so easy, she bounced back and you all adjusted so well. Maybe not so much for her.

I think you need to have a serious talk with her. Her health and weight is more important than her job. It sounds like her priorities (yours too?) are out of whack. Something has to give when you have a new baby. I wonder if you two are just trying to go forward with your lives as though nothing changed.


Oh, please. Nobody has their shit together five months postpartum with their first. And there's thread after thread about how it's impossible to prioritize everything. You just have to pick a few things to prioritize and muddle through as best you can for the first couple years.



Life wasn't perfect for the first several months as a first time mom, but I certainly had my body back by 5 months and so did most of my friends. So... some people do get their shit together five months postpartum.


Some do and some don't. The point is that OP's wife is not some grotesque freak show. She is a chubby woman who has recently had a baby and is still adjusting. Let's cut the new mom some slack.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:43     Subject: Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Good God. If the woman is bfing, eating reasonably healthy for most of her meals, is working and exercising. A bowl of ice cream once a week will not make a hill of beans.


Agree...which is why I took her out for that.

Anonymous wrote:How often is she eating crap at lunch? I'll bet she's going out maybe once or twice a week if that.


No, she eats a lot of crap at lunch, every day, and stops for soft-serve, every day.


Then if she is cool with bringing leftovers, you need to make sure that she has some sort of healthy/filling thing to bring with her to work. Nothing too "diet-y". Maybe vegetarian chili in a thermos or a slab of zucchini lasagna. Be creative.

That soft serve habit needs to go. Mentioning finances is good.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:41     Subject: Re:Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The bottom line, OP, is that if your wife doesn't have "time" to exercise -- between her commute, job and new baby -- she is not adjusting as well to motherhood as you think she is.

I agree with you; this is a problem and it's only going to get worse. It sounds like she is stress eating at this point, perhaps an subconscious attempt to feel better about pressure she is feeling that she is not discussing with you. You sound very vested in the point that your baby is so easy, she bounced back and you all adjusted so well. Maybe not so much for her.

I think you need to have a serious talk with her. Her health and weight is more important than her job. It sounds like her priorities (yours too?) are out of whack. Something has to give when you have a new baby. I wonder if you two are just trying to go forward with your lives as though nothing changed.


Oh, please. Nobody has their shit together five months postpartum with their first. And there's thread after thread about how it's impossible to prioritize everything. You just have to pick a few things to prioritize and muddle through as best you can for the first couple years.


Some do and some don't. The point is that OP's wife is not some grotesque freak show. She is a chubby woman who has recently had a baby and is still adjusting. Let's cut the new mom some slack.

Life wasn't perfect for the first several months as a first time mom, but I certainly had my body back by 5 months and so did most of my friends. So... some people do get their shit together five months postpartum.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:40     Subject: Re:Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Anonymous wrote:I feel like I'm in a similar situation. For my frame I look really thin at 140. I was around that weight when I got married. I ended up putting on weight before I got pregnant, and actually weighed less when I delivered my daughter than when I got pregnant. I stayed slim (for me) while breastfeeding but the weight started to creep up as my DD weened.
My DD is now six and I've carried this extra weight since. I hate it. My husband has never once complained and treats me like I'm beautiful even though I feel disgusting.
My husband also gained some weight after we had our DD. Within the past 6 months he started to make diet and exercise choices to get healthy and it's motivated me to start as well. He asks me buy healthy food and cook healthy meals. The fact that I know he will be disappointed if I grab take out for dinner, or a pizza, etc... is always in the back of my mind now and I am motivated to make better choices. I guess you could say he is leading by example and he's become a little "angel on my shoulder" when I'm making choices for our family's meals.



This is the best advice. The best way to influence someone is to set an example.

OP: I know you're not the one with the weight issue, but see if you can just decline to eat anything unhealthy in her presence. Don't tell her what to eat. Just refuse to eat poorly yourself. Have a noticeable exercise regiment going. Again, don't say anything to her about her weight or eating. Unless she has a serious problem, she'll get the hint and appreciate your gentle approach.

I've struggled with my weight for much of my life, so I can definitely understand how hurt and defensive people can be when someone brings it up in a boorish (but well-meaning) way.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:40     Subject: Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding made me ravenous, OP. I mean, total sweet tooth, wanted to eat burgers all the time. I would give it another few months before you broach this sensitive subject. In the meantime, just keep buying and cooking healthy food and doing what you can to ensure she gets enough sleep and time to herself.


+1 Five months is not enough time for her to be eating normally. All these PPs who are saying "it's now or never! it's only going to get worse! It's only going to get harder!" are full of shit. I cranked out two kids in three years and it took me 4 years to get back to where I was before babies. Then I got a trainer and went all out with exercise and switched to a paleo diet and took off another 32 pounds. I'm thinner and fitter than I've been since college and I'm 45 years old. But it took a LONG time to feel normal and energetic enough to do more than just survive and keep us all going. Ice cream was also my friend!
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:39     Subject: Re:Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The bottom line, OP, is that if your wife doesn't have "time" to exercise -- between her commute, job and new baby -- she is not adjusting as well to motherhood as you think she is.

I agree with you; this is a problem and it's only going to get worse. It sounds like she is stress eating at this point, perhaps an subconscious attempt to feel better about pressure she is feeling that she is not discussing with you. You sound very vested in the point that your baby is so easy, she bounced back and you all adjusted so well. Maybe not so much for her.

I think you need to have a serious talk with her. Her health and weight is more important than her job. It sounds like her priorities (yours too?) are out of whack. Something has to give when you have a new baby. I wonder if you two are just trying to go forward with your lives as though nothing changed.


Oh, please. Nobody has their shit together five months postpartum with their first. And there's thread after thread about how it's impossible to prioritize everything. You just have to pick a few things to prioritize and muddle through as best you can for the first couple years.



Life wasn't perfect for the first several months as a first time mom, but I certainly had my body back by 5 months and so did most of my friends. So... some people do get their shit together five months postpartum.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:37     Subject: Re:Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
I feel your pain, OP, and I think you are right to try to address it now if you are going to at all. My DH has put on 100 pounds since being the college athlete I met, and I've posted about it on here. It is hard not to be physically attracted to your spouse, but I've decided that is what I'm going to do. He has to want the change at some point and on some level, and I don't want to be "that wife." A large part of me feels like it is a piece of what marriage is about - he still likes my saggy boobs and wrinkly tummy skin after three kids (losing all the weight after three kids comes with some icky side effects) - and I still love him as a person and our family.

If you are going to push on it, it sounds like there are a few possibilities.

(1) Are her days a "break" from the grind of having a new baby, so she is enjoying treats during her "time off"? If so, she needs to find a healthier outlet, such as reading a chapter from a book or magazine or walking to CVS or around the block.

(2) Is she famished from pumping at work? If so, she needs to have a stash of healthy snacks and meals at work. Don't underestimate how freaking hungry you can get while BFing. I'm always ravenous while nursing, and I could never diet per se while doing so.

(3) Is she anxious/overwhelmed despite all of your help? That might be the trickiest of all, because she just needs to get her head into a place where she defines herself as a wife at least as much as she defines herself as a mother.

Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:37     Subject: Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Is she by any chance a hospital worker? I know you don't want to give details but I ask because I am as well and the food offered there is horrendous. I had to seriously adjust how I ate because of it.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:34     Subject: Re:Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Anonymous wrote:sorry but 5'1" and 185 is obese. Let's put aside the attractiveness issue, its not healthy at all. My husband gained weight and I was not happy, because he was making poor choices that I felt were also a bad model for our kids. Eating crap and not exercising. While I never said that I wasn't attracted to him, I said that I thought we both needed to be healthier and that he needed to make better choices and I worried about his health. He has started exercising more and I have been making healthier dinners and he's lost a bit.

Its really hard to get into an exercise groove with little kids--what about getting a treadmill though? I found that until my youngest was 2, I could only get short (20 min) sessions in but the exercise helped me feel more energetic. Also, I didn't have time to make lunch, but I did make healthier choices. Have a discussion with your wife about health, not weight. make it a together thing.

For everyone saying that he must have compassion and understanding that his wife had a baby--yes, he must. But if she is gainging weight becasue she is making poor choices, its only going to be harder for her to lose it, feel healthy, feel good. And I think its is the duty of both spouses to stay healthy for each other and support each other in that goal.


I agree that the weight is too much. I'm 5'1 and 110. I went up to 132 during pregnancy but lost it all in the first 2 months. I think that problem is she is gaining and not eating properly. Do you eat healthy and go to the gym? I love my DH but I don't think I could deal with an obese spouse. DH was helpful with making time for me to go to the gym or taking the baby so I could do a Pilates video. Eating healthy was a part of it. DH would help prepare healthy snacks and meals to eat throughout the week for us both. I am starving breastfeeding but I think it's more of what you eat than how much that makes the difference. I ate a lot but it was all healthy dishes and snacks with occasional treats. You need to speak up.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:27     Subject: Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Anonymous wrote:Good God. If the woman is bfing, eating reasonably healthy for most of her meals, is working and exercising. A bowl of ice cream once a week will not make a hill of beans.


Agree...which is why I took her out for that.

Anonymous wrote:How often is she eating crap at lunch? I'll bet she's going out maybe once or twice a week if that.


No, she eats a lot of crap at lunch, every day, and stops for soft-serve, every day.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:20     Subject: Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
If men like Pierce Brosnan and Rob Lowe can love their full figured wives I'm sure that Op can love his wife with a little extra padding on her body.

Op - what your wife is doing is important. It's only been 5 months. Give it time.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:16     Subject: Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
This really scares me OP. I'm female and DH and I both try very hard for the other person.

Sorry people are giving you shit, but most people know that attraction is partly physical.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:14     Subject: Re:Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Yeah seriously, it's not the ice cream. I am pretty thin 5'2'' and 115lbs and eat ice cream most nights. I don't eat much generally and only do a scoop of ice cream, but yeah, it's not the ice cream. It's everything else.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:13     Subject: Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Good God. If the woman is bfing, eating reasonably healthy for most of her meals, is working and exercising. A bowl of ice cream once a week will not make a hill of beans.

How often is she eating crap at lunch? I'll bet she's going out maybe once or twice a week if that.

Another woman on the exact same diet and schedule would be skinny.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 11:09     Subject: Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....
Anonymous wrote:Woman here, and I am siding with the OP. Based on the measurements you gave though, she was fat before she had the baby, so you shouldve known she would only go up.

I think women AND MEN, should try to stay attractive for their spouses.


I agree. My wife and I stay fit and attractive for ourselves and each other. I think it helps our relationship. I feel like I have a best friend, girlfriend and wife all rolled into one person.