Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 19:25     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My newly separated friend went on a date with a guy at 7:30pm. They met at the bar of a restaurant. Both my friend and her date were obviously hungry as they finished all the bread on the table. Date did not offer any food. Friend went home starving. It's been a while since I've been married for 10 years but most of my dates were for dinner or we'd meet up at a bar/club but it was after dinner time and usually with other people.

Is this guy just not into my friend? Cheap? Poor? Or is this normal to have just drinks?

I think it is fine to go out for drinks but if you meet at 7:30 and clearly both people are hungry, shouldn't you just order food?


Tell your newly separated friend she can order the god damn food if she's hungry. Nothing is stopping her from doing this, other than the preconceived notion that women entitled to a dating gravy train where men pay for everything.

This is why I say to women when setting up dates:

ME: What time are you eating dinner?
HER: Uh, 7 pm?
ME: Great! See you at the bar at 8:30!




Not to be a bitch but I would cancel on someone who did that. It's kind of a weasely, passive aggressive way of doing it. Red flag.

PP weasel - not for nothing but there's a reason you're still single. Ha. I'd never meet you at the bar at 8:30 if that's your opener. Thankfully, I've been happily married for 15yrs to a man who paid for EVERYtHiNG for our firmest two years of dating. Guess what, 15yrs in he still treats me well. I work and make a good amount of money myself, but it's nice to have a DH who treats me well.


Here's how the conversation actually went:

WEASEL: What time are you eating dinner?
HER: Uh, 7 pm?
WEASEL: Great! See you at the bar at 8:30!
HER: Er, actually I forgot I have other plans that night. I have to, um.... babysit my friend's pet ferret. Anyway, catch ya later!
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 19:14     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My newly separated friend went on a date with a guy at 7:30pm. They met at the bar of a restaurant. Both my friend and her date were obviously hungry as they finished all the bread on the table. Date did not offer any food. Friend went home starving. It's been a while since I've been married for 10 years but most of my dates were for dinner or we'd meet up at a bar/club but it was after dinner time and usually with other people.

Is this guy just not into my friend? Cheap? Poor? Or is this normal to have just drinks?

I think it is fine to go out for drinks but if you meet at 7:30 and clearly both people are hungry, shouldn't you just order food?


Tell your newly separated friend she can order the god damn food if she's hungry. Nothing is stopping her from doing this, other than the preconceived notion that women entitled to a dating gravy train where men pay for everything.

This is why I say to women when setting up dates:

ME: What time are you eating dinner?
HER: Uh, 7 pm?
ME: Great! See you at the bar at 8:30!


PP weasel - not for nothing but there's a reason you're still single. Ha. I'd never meet you at the bar at 8:30 if that's your opener. Thankfully, I've been happily married for 15yrs to a man who paid for EVERYtHiNG for our firmest two years of dating. Guess what, 15yrs in he still treats me well. I work and make a good amount of money myself, but it's nice to have a DH who treats me well.

Not to be a bitch but I would cancel on someone who did that. It's kind of a weasely, passive aggressive way of doing it. Red flag.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 18:41     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My newly separated friend went on a date with a guy at 7:30pm. They met at the bar of a restaurant. Both my friend and her date were obviously hungry as they finished all the bread on the table. Date did not offer any food. Friend went home starving. It's been a while since I've been married for 10 years but most of my dates were for dinner or we'd meet up at a bar/club but it was after dinner time and usually with other people.

Is this guy just not into my friend? Cheap? Poor? Or is this normal to have just drinks?

I think it is fine to go out for drinks but if you meet at 7:30 and clearly both people are hungry, shouldn't you just order food?


Tell your newly separated friend she can order the god damn food if she's hungry. Nothing is stopping her from doing this, other than the preconceived notion that women entitled to a dating gravy train where men pay for everything.

This is why I say to women when setting up dates:

ME: What time are you eating dinner?
HER: Uh, 7 pm?
ME: Great! See you at the bar at 8:30!


Not to be a bitch but I would cancel on someone who did that. It's kind of a weasely, passive aggressive way of doing it. Red flag.


+1. Sounds soooooo awkward! Like you are socially inept, maybe Aspergerish.


I was thinking of Aspergers too.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 18:27     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:meeting for coffee is a good idea too, take it slow!


plus 1
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 18:22     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have nothing to really offer because I have never dated, and I just find these threads fascinating and illuminating.

But if I were dating, I would not want the guy to pay for a first date; I wouldn't want him to think I owed him anything.

And drinks would be best. i don't want to sit through a first date trying to talk and shovel food in my mouth.

Maybe that's because I am an old married and I am used pigging out around the spouse!


Dear Anna Duggar, You should get out there and try dating. It's not as bad as DCUM makes it sound, and it's much better than what you have now!


I am okay, thanks. I met my husband almost thirty years ago while we were in high school, and things seemed to have worked out. If you can believe it, I have advanced degrees, a career, one child, and a f--- ton of fun. I have just never dated. Sue me. But I do believe my opinion may be less informed than those in the scene.


You dated your husband, pre-marriage, that counts.





You're right. But I was 14 and our dates were limited to his mom driving us to a movie, make out sessions in my basement, homecomings, and group date/hangs at the all night diner.
But I do have enough friends who have dated as adults, and none of them liked the man to pay on the first date. It is split on whether they want to sit through an entire meal. Some find it relaxing, others who have had stinker dates have describe d long meals as tortuous. YMMV.


I presume the youngest you got married was at age 18. Someone either got a car, or was able to borrow one at one point, so I hope that y'all weren't driven everywhere during the dating process. I dated someone once that it took me 20 miles to drive to the place, and she offered to pay for my dinner. Maybe it was the whole, you spent gas to get here, so here's the way to balance it. This was also a late night, and it was a first date no less.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 18:17     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My newly separated friend went on a date with a guy at 7:30pm. They met at the bar of a restaurant. Both my friend and her date were obviously hungry as they finished all the bread on the table. Date did not offer any food. Friend went home starving. It's been a while since I've been married for 10 years but most of my dates were for dinner or we'd meet up at a bar/club but it was after dinner time and usually with other people.

Is this guy just not into my friend? Cheap? Poor? Or is this normal to have just drinks?

I think it is fine to go out for drinks but if you meet at 7:30 and clearly both people are hungry, shouldn't you just order food?


Tell your newly separated friend she can order the god damn food if she's hungry. Nothing is stopping her from doing this, other than the preconceived notion that women entitled to a dating gravy train where men pay for everything.

This is why I say to women when setting up dates:

ME: What time are you eating dinner?
HER: Uh, 7 pm?
ME: Great! See you at the bar at 8:30!


Not to be a bitch but I would cancel on someone who did that. It's kind of a weasely, passive aggressive way of doing it. Red flag.


+1. Sounds soooooo awkward! Like you are socially inept, maybe Aspergerish.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 18:02     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
I think that meeting for drinks/coffee maybe a walk afterwards is really nice and low pressure. A nice ice breaker and a good chance to test the waters.

The whole dinner, movie, kiss at the door is awkward on the first date. I think it's sweet but it's time consuming and doesn't feel as natural to me as just meeting up for a drink feels. But that's me.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 18:00     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would assume a first date invitation at 7:30 means eat dinner first.


I would assume it is dinner included. Who eats before going out?


Clearly you have been out of the dating game a while PP. An adult dinner date would start no earlier than 7 or 7:30. Whenever I want to meet up with my single, child-free friends they always want to eat at 8 or later.

Only we parents are eating before 7:30 and that is typically when we are with our kids.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 17:51     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Im a woman who prefers drinks to a full blown dinner on a first date. I agree with a PP who said meeting at happy hour time directly after work is best for that, or much later (like 8 or 8:30). When setting up the date the guy should say drinks and mention grabbing seats at the bar so it's clear what his intentions are. All that said though, if I'm hungry I'm going to order an appetizer. Some people just don't like to drink without food. It's still cheaper than a full dinner though, and less of a time commitment, so win-win for everyone.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 17:25     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My newly separated friend went on a date with a guy at 7:30pm. They met at the bar of a restaurant. Both my friend and her date were obviously hungry as they finished all the bread on the table. Date did not offer any food. Friend went home starving. It's been a while since I've been married for 10 years but most of my dates were for dinner or we'd meet up at a bar/club but it was after dinner time and usually with other people.

Is this guy just not into my friend? Cheap? Poor? Or is this normal to have just drinks?

I think it is fine to go out for drinks but if you meet at 7:30 and clearly both people are hungry, shouldn't you just order food?


Tell your newly separated friend she can order the god damn food if she's hungry. Nothing is stopping her from doing this, other than the preconceived notion that women entitled to a dating gravy train where men pay for everything.

This is why I say to women when setting up dates:

ME: What time are you eating dinner?
HER: Uh, 7 pm?
ME: Great! See you at the bar at 8:30!


Not to be a bitch but I would cancel on someone who did that. It's kind of a weasely, passive aggressive way of doing it. Red flag.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 17:24     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My friend told me that this guy asked her out to dinner, picked the place, and then at the end he asked her to split the bill.

She of course paid without comment, was polite and fine about it.

But when he texted her for another date she calmly explained to him that when he wanted her to split the bill, she assumed they were just friends. He was like, "Oh no, I want to date you..." and she let him know they had no future.

She is from a wealthy family and had made her own money but that kind of rudeness and/or cluelessness sets a definitely bad precedent for how a guy will be in a relationship.

It's a massive red flag. Tell your friend to move on.


So, your friend is a whore? Got it.


Oh nos, some anonymous bitter man called my friend a whore... aka generic female insult #1.

I'm sure she'll be downright devastated when she finds out.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 17:20     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If this happened to me I would be looking at the guy like:




You invite me on a date and then cheap out even though I'm clearly starving?


You aren't entitled to dinner on a first date. Take responsibility for yourself, you spoiled, entitled woman.


Oh really? I get plenty of them.

Take your bitter woman hating to someone who cares.

Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 17:17     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah I think it's really rude, especially if I was noticeably hungry.

Would be a deal breaker for me, for sure.


My friend is not going on a second date with this guy. My friend's co-worker is the one who introduced them. The guy saw my friend and thought she was really pretty. My friend didn't really want to go but thought it could be fun. She is also new to the dating scene. I told her she should just have ordered some appetizers and paid for it if he did not pick up the tab.


She must not have liked the guy if she is going to dump him over not getting a free dinner. She sounds like a bit of a princess. High maintenance.


Indeed. In any case, good for both they didn't have to waste more time on each other.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 17:15     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:I understand why she didn't order an app- she didn't want to be presumptuous. Even though she would've been willing to pay for it, he wouldn't have known that and would be telling his friend about the woman who tried to stick him for some food when he only wanted to pay for drinks.

I wouldn't see this guy again either, and I'm also in the camp of women who wouldn't consider a romantic relationship with a guy who split the bill on the first date.


Exactly.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 17:00     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
MikeL wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm another woman who thinks if she was hungry she should have ordered food. If I was invited to go out for drinks at 7:30, I'd either eat before I showed up or say "Hey, I'm really hungry, I'm going to order some food."

Yes to this. The 7:30 time pretty much means there should be some food involved.
If you - as a guy - don't want to do food, make the date for 5:00-5:30 or so.


Exactly. Guy here. With online dating, when I don't know the people well beforehand, I try to meet for a drink at Happy Hour. Before dinner. Typically meet for an hour. We are both tired from work and wanting to get home so it keeps it short. Exactly what a first date should be unless you have spent a lot of time talking beforehand and know that you are compatible. The second date is when you do the longer dinner date.