Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm sorry this thread has gotten so out of control...

Couple thoughts:

1. Doesn't sound like HFA to me. My HFA kid would NEVER hug anyone. Nor would my HFA niece ever hug or touch anyone... sensory issues. But... it's a big spectrum so maybe.

2. Lots of kids, even "normal" ones ask inappropriately for playdates. I would handle it like you have been doing. Refer child to his mother.

3. If she asks for a playdate, meet on neutral ground with parents present in case things go south.

4. As a mom of an HFA child, I would not drop him off. But my kid is 5. I'm not sure what age starts to do drop off dates.

Autism is indeed a spectrum. You know the autistic children you know - and that's that. "Sensory Processing Disorder" is a disorder in itself for one. It's not a part of autism. Non-autistic people have it, too. Not all autistic people have it.
"Sensory Processing Disorder" does NOT equal hypersensitivity. Hyposensitivity exist just as well. So it is VERY possible that someone with sensory processing disorder can be hyposensitive to tactile input meaning they WOULD go out and about actually searching for tactile input. Lots of people with sensory processing disorder benefit greatly from deep pressure for example and thus love being hugged tightly. At the same time a tender, caressing kind of skin touching can be painful. So sensory seeking by going around and looking for hugs or hugging others can very well be a sign for sensory processing disorder. It actually has very little to do with whether one is autistic or not.

What kind of doctor diagnoses Sensory Processing Disorder? I didn't think it had been elevated to that yet- more of a constellation of issues that tend to be associated with other diagnoses.

Many do. It's often a predecessor to Asperger's or ASD. Even when my college-aged son had to redo his testing (not within three years) for college admisttance, the tester said he would not label him as autistic but as SPD. However, if you met my adult son you would immediately know there is something awry, and if educated on the topic, would think Aspergers/

What kind of doctor? "Many do" doesn't answer the question. What code would they use for the insurance paperwork?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm sorry this thread has gotten so out of control...

Couple thoughts:

1. Doesn't sound like HFA to me. My HFA kid would NEVER hug anyone. Nor would my HFA niece ever hug or touch anyone... sensory issues. But... it's a big spectrum so maybe.

2. Lots of kids, even "normal" ones ask inappropriately for playdates. I would handle it like you have been doing. Refer child to his mother.

3. If she asks for a playdate, meet on neutral ground with parents present in case things go south.

4. As a mom of an HFA child, I would not drop him off. But my kid is 5. I'm not sure what age starts to do drop off dates.

Autism is indeed a spectrum. You know the autistic children you know - and that's that. "Sensory Processing Disorder" is a disorder in itself for one. It's not a part of autism. Non-autistic people have it, too. Not all autistic people have it.
"Sensory Processing Disorder" does NOT equal hypersensitivity. Hyposensitivity exist just as well. So it is VERY possible that someone with sensory processing disorder can be hyposensitive to tactile input meaning they WOULD go out and about actually searching for tactile input. Lots of people with sensory processing disorder benefit greatly from deep pressure for example and thus love being hugged tightly. At the same time a tender, caressing kind of skin touching can be painful. So sensory seeking by going around and looking for hugs or hugging others can very well be a sign for sensory processing disorder. It actually has very little to do with whether one is autistic or not.

What kind of doctor diagnoses Sensory Processing Disorder? I didn't think it had been elevated to that yet- more of a constellation of issues that tend to be associated with other diagnoses.

Many do. It's often a predecessor to Asperger's or ASD. Even when my college-aged son had to redo his testing (not within three years) for college admisttance, the tester said he would not label him as autistic but as SPD. However, if you met my adult son you would immediately know there is something awry, and if educated on the topic, would think Aspergers/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm sorry this thread has gotten so out of control...

Couple thoughts:

1. Doesn't sound like HFA to me. My HFA kid would NEVER hug anyone. Nor would my HFA niece ever hug or touch anyone... sensory issues. But... it's a big spectrum so maybe.

2. Lots of kids, even "normal" ones ask inappropriately for playdates. I would handle it like you have been doing. Refer child to his mother.

3. If she asks for a playdate, meet on neutral ground with parents present in case things go south.

4. As a mom of an HFA child, I would not drop him off. But my kid is 5. I'm not sure what age starts to do drop off dates.

Autism is indeed a spectrum. You know the autistic children you know - and that's that. "Sensory Processing Disorder" is a disorder in itself for one. It's not a part of autism. Non-autistic people have it, too. Not all autistic people have it.
"Sensory Processing Disorder" does NOT equal hypersensitivity. Hyposensitivity exist just as well. So it is VERY possible that someone with sensory processing disorder can be hyposensitive to tactile input meaning they WOULD go out and about actually searching for tactile input. Lots of people with sensory processing disorder benefit greatly from deep pressure for example and thus love being hugged tightly. At the same time a tender, caressing kind of skin touching can be painful. So sensory seeking by going around and looking for hugs or hugging others can very well be a sign for sensory processing disorder. It actually has very little to do with whether one is autistic or not.

What kind of doctor diagnoses Sensory Processing Disorder? I didn't think it had been elevated to that yet- more of a constellation of issues that tend to be associated with other diagnoses.

A lot of OTs "diagnose" Sensory Processing Disorder. It is an OT diagnosis. Never heard of it being diagnosed by an actual MD.

To a doctor, sensory processing issues are symptoms, not a DX in and of themselves. The medical diagnosis for that would point to the cause, not the symptoms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm sorry this thread has gotten so out of control...

Couple thoughts:

1. Doesn't sound like HFA to me. My HFA kid would NEVER hug anyone. Nor would my HFA niece ever hug or touch anyone... sensory issues. But... it's a big spectrum so maybe.

2. Lots of kids, even "normal" ones ask inappropriately for playdates. I would handle it like you have been doing. Refer child to his mother.

3. If she asks for a playdate, meet on neutral ground with parents present in case things go south.

4. As a mom of an HFA child, I would not drop him off. But my kid is 5. I'm not sure what age starts to do drop off dates.

Autism is indeed a spectrum. You know the autistic children you know - and that's that. "Sensory Processing Disorder" is a disorder in itself for one. It's not a part of autism. Non-autistic people have it, too. Not all autistic people have it.
"Sensory Processing Disorder" does NOT equal hypersensitivity. Hyposensitivity exist just as well. So it is VERY possible that someone with sensory processing disorder can be hyposensitive to tactile input meaning they WOULD go out and about actually searching for tactile input. Lots of people with sensory processing disorder benefit greatly from deep pressure for example and thus love being hugged tightly. At the same time a tender, caressing kind of skin touching can be painful. So sensory seeking by going around and looking for hugs or hugging others can very well be a sign for sensory processing disorder. It actually has very little to do with whether one is autistic or not.

What kind of doctor diagnoses Sensory Processing Disorder? I didn't think it had been elevated to that yet- more of a constellation of issues that tend to be associated with other diagnoses.

A lot of OTs "diagnose" Sensory Processing Disorder. It is an OT diagnosis. Never heard of it being diagnosed by an actual MD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm sorry this thread has gotten so out of control...

Couple thoughts:

1. Doesn't sound like HFA to me. My HFA kid would NEVER hug anyone. Nor would my HFA niece ever hug or touch anyone... sensory issues. But... it's a big spectrum so maybe.

2. Lots of kids, even "normal" ones ask inappropriately for playdates. I would handle it like you have been doing. Refer child to his mother.

3. If she asks for a playdate, meet on neutral ground with parents present in case things go south.

4. As a mom of an HFA child, I would not drop him off. But my kid is 5. I'm not sure what age starts to do drop off dates.

Autism is indeed a spectrum. You know the autistic children you know - and that's that. "Sensory Processing Disorder" is a disorder in itself for one. It's not a part of autism. Non-autistic people have it, too. Not all autistic people have it.
"Sensory Processing Disorder" does NOT equal hypersensitivity. Hyposensitivity exist just as well. So it is VERY possible that someone with sensory processing disorder can be hyposensitive to tactile input meaning they WOULD go out and about actually searching for tactile input. Lots of people with sensory processing disorder benefit greatly from deep pressure for example and thus love being hugged tightly. At the same time a tender, caressing kind of skin touching can be painful. So sensory seeking by going around and looking for hugs or hugging others can very well be a sign for sensory processing disorder. It actually has very little to do with whether one is autistic or not.

What kind of doctor diagnoses Sensory Processing Disorder? I didn't think it had been elevated to that yet- more of a constellation of issues that tend to be associated with other diagnoses.

It is hard to judge intent in an anon forum. You are being too sensitive if you are judging "mean spirited" by OP choice of words when you agree that OP has every right not to have the play date. Better to give her the benefit of doubt especially since she was sensitive enough to ask SN parents their thoughts on the matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- why do you feel like you are an appendage of your child and that this child's mom is an appendage of that kid? This is a very peculiar way of viewing your children. You have drummed up problem. I sincerely hope that you don't invite this child over because you have some issues that you need to think about before sprinkling them out on the greater populace.

OP here. The kid comes running to me, hugging me and asks me if he can come over to our house for a play date. The kid asked me!

I did not invite the child over and have no plans on doing so in the near future.

OP, I was sympathetic to you until this post. This is mean spirited. You should reread this post after you've stepped back from feeling attacked and you'll see how mean spirited it sounds.

I don't think OP is being mean spirited. This happens to us a lot and I'm the parent of a child with ASD/ADHD. I am at school often and sometimes kids will ask for playdates with DS but when I ask DS if he wants a playdate with the kid, he says "No." So rather than forcing a playdate on DS, I just don't follow up on arranging a playdate.

OP said her kid is ambivalent about having a playdate with this kid. If the child did not have SNs, it's doubtful OP will be asking this question.

I am of the camp that there is no playdate unless both kids want it.

Sorry I wasn't clear. I don't think OP's decision not to do the playdate is mean spirited, I meant the wording of this specific post was. It would have been sufficient to say after thinking it over I've decided not to do the playdate. I just would have written that post but that's just me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- why do you feel like you are an appendage of your child and that this child's mom is an appendage of that kid? This is a very peculiar way of viewing your children. You have drummed up problem. I sincerely hope that you don't invite this child over because you have some issues that you need to think about before sprinkling them out on the greater populace.

OP here. The kid comes running to me, hugging me and asks me if he can come over to our house for a play date. The kid asked me!

I did not invite the child over and have no plans on doing so in the near future.

OP, I was sympathetic to you until this post. This is mean spirited. You should reread this post after you've stepped back from feeling attacked and you'll see how mean spirited it sounds.

I don't think OP is being mean spirited. This happens to us a lot and I'm the parent of a child with ASD/ADHD. I am at school often and sometimes kids will ask for playdates with DS but when I ask DS if he wants a playdate with the kid, he says "No." So rather than forcing a playdate on DS, I just don't follow up on arranging a playdate.

OP said her kid is ambivalent about having a playdate with this kid. If the child did not have SNs, it's doubtful OP will be asking this question.

I am of the camp that there is no playdate unless both kids want it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- why do you feel like you are an appendage of your child and that this child's mom is an appendage of that kid? This is a very peculiar way of viewing your children. You have drummed up problem. I sincerely hope that you don't invite this child over because you have some issues that you need to think about before sprinkling them out on the greater populace.

OP here. The kid comes running to me, hugging me and asks me if he can come over to our house for a play date. The kid asked me!

I did not invite the child over and have no plans on doing so in the near future.

OP, I was sympathetic to you until this post. This is mean spirited. You should reread this post after you've stepped back from feeling attacked and you'll see how mean spirited it sounds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read most of these threads, but I don't understand why the OP thinks it is OK to discuss someone else's child on a public forum and why she thinks she deserves to have more information about this child. Pay attention to your own child, the other child is not your business.

She's discussing an unnamed child on an anonymous board. She is asking for information because she wants to know how to navigate the relationship with the other child. It is her business and her questions and approach are completely kosher.

You and many people on this board are being over-sensitive. I've got a kid with HFA. I'm 100% sure that many worse conversations have been had about my kid, by name, behind his back and behind my back. My kid is different. People are going to talk about that. Get over. it.

As a parent with a child diagnosed with ADHD and PDD-NOS, I agree totally. And, if parents of your child's friends are turned off by you, rightfully or not, those children are not going on any playdates outside of school. At least the OP inquired and didn't automatically rule out the playdate.

I was fortunate that my child was able to have playdates with children who have similar special needs, and even a couple NT kids. As long as he is getting the social interaction, building relationships and is safe and happy, it does not matter if his friends have special needs or not.

On the other hand, I understand OP's question. My son was friends with a child who had severe behavior issues and could get violent. His parents tried hard to have playmates for him with positive influences, and the mother pushed the friendship. After a while, my son mainly went because he felt sorry for the child, who only became worse. He later told me that he didn't always want to go because he felt pushed to do so by me. That shouldn't have happened, and I feel rather guilty about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read most of these threads, but I don't understand why the OP thinks it is OK to discuss someone else's child on a public forum and why she thinks she deserves to have more information about this child. Pay attention to your own child, the other child is not your business.

She's discussing an unnamed child on an anonymous board. She is asking for information because she wants to know how to navigate the relationship with the other child. It is her business and her questions and approach are completely kosher.

You and many people on this board are being over-sensitive. I've got a kid with HFA. I'm 100% sure that many worse conversations have been had about my kid, by name, behind his back and behind my back. My kid is different. People are going to talk about that. Get over. it.

This has all been kind of horrible- OP was on the fence about inviting this child over for a playdate- some of the responses here were so obnoxious that she has washed her hands of this thread and inviting the kid over. Yes, I think OP could really separate these posts from her original intent, but now this kid will miss a play date. My DS with ADHD is in 3rd and been invited exactly one time to a school friend's home- two years in this school and one play date. An invitation to a classmate's house would make his month. Why attack someone over *nothing* and turn them off to inviting a child for a play date? On the one hand we want our kids included and on the other we become so preachy that no one wants to deal with us? Makes no sense.

God, yes. I'm fine with people engaging in a little bit of hand-wringing over whether they can accommodate my son. It show they care and trying to include him, even if they don't use elegant language or the most "correct" descriptors. I view these as opportunities for people to see how wonderful my son is. I'm open about his issues. I offer tips on how to best communicate with him. I pay more attention to intent than words. Add in some good luck, and my son is blessed with a wonderful group of friends and supportive families who adore him and include him in everything. There's people out there who want to include your child. Unclench and you'll meet some of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read most of these threads, but I don't understand why the OP thinks it is OK to discuss someone else's child on a public forum and why she thinks she deserves to have more information about this child. Pay attention to your own child, the other child is not your business.

She's discussing an unnamed child on an anonymous board. She is asking for information because she wants to know how to navigate the relationship with the other child. It is her business and her questions and approach are completely kosher.

You and many people on this board are being over-sensitive. I've got a kid with HFA. I'm 100% sure that many worse conversations have been had about my kid, by name, behind his back and behind my back. My kid is different. People are going to talk about that. Get over. it.

This has all been kind of horrible- OP was on the fence about inviting this child over for a playdate- some of the responses here were so obnoxious that she has washed her hands of this thread and inviting the kid over. Yes, I think OP could really separate these posts from her original intent, but now this kid will miss a play date. My DS with ADHD is in 3rd and been invited exactly one time to a school friend's home- two years in this school and one play date. An invitation to a classmate's house would make his month. Why attack someone over *nothing* and turn them off to inviting a child for a play date? On the one hand we want our kids included and on the other we become so preachy that no one wants to deal with us? Makes no sense.

Anonymous wrote:I have not read most of these threads, but I don't understand why the OP thinks it is OK to discuss someone else's child on a public forum and why she thinks she deserves to have more information about this child. Pay attention to your own child, the other child is not your business.

She's discussing an unnamed child on an anonymous board. She is asking for information because she wants to know how to navigate the relationship with the other child. It is her business and her questions and approach are completely kosher.

You and many people on this board are being over-sensitive. I've got a kid with HFA. I'm 100% sure that many worse conversations have been had about my kid, by name, behind his back and behind my back. My kid is different. People are going to talk about that. Get over. it.

I have not read most of these threads, but I don't understand why the OP thinks it is OK to discuss someone else's child on a public forum and why she thinks she deserves to have more information about this child. Pay attention to your own child, the other child is not your business.

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm sorry this thread has gotten so out of control...

Couple thoughts:

1. Doesn't sound like HFA to me. My HFA kid would NEVER hug anyone. Nor would my HFA niece ever hug or touch anyone... sensory issues. But... it's a big spectrum so maybe.

2. Lots of kids, even "normal" ones ask inappropriately for playdates. I would handle it like you have been doing. Refer child to his mother.

3. If she asks for a playdate, meet on neutral ground with parents present in case things go south.

4. As a mom of an HFA child, I would not drop him off. But my kid is 5. I'm not sure what age starts to do drop off dates.

Autism is indeed a spectrum. You know the autistic children you know - and that's that. "Sensory Processing Disorder" is a disorder in itself for one. It's not a part of autism. Non-autistic people have it, too. Not all autistic people have it.
"Sensory Processing Disorder" does NOT equal hypersensitivity. Hyposensitivity exist just as well. So it is VERY possible that someone with sensory processing disorder can be hyposensitive to tactile input meaning they WOULD go out and about actually searching for tactile input. Lots of people with sensory processing disorder benefit greatly from deep pressure for example and thus love being hugged tightly. At the same time a tender, caressing kind of skin touching can be painful. So sensory seeking by going around and looking for hugs or hugging others can very well be a sign for sensory processing disorder. It actually has very little to do with whether one is autistic or not.