Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nanny? Houskeeper? And a husband who helps out? Be thankful for what you DO have, and MAKE time for the interests that you mentioned.

Yes, I am aware there are others who have it harder. No need to go skipping down that road. My point is to reach out to other moms. One can't really admit in real life that being a wife and mom kind of sucks.

Then you should have said no to the proposal and kept your legs shut.

What gives? You're a complainer. Many others have it MUCH harder.

PP, there is no need to be so crass. You may not agree with what OP is saying but for love of God let's disagree in a civilized manner.

OP -- I was you once. Now my only child, DD, is 24 years old and lives very far from home. It does get a lot easier. As soon as you can -- get your child into Montessori School.

Try to meet with your DH once a week for 15 minutes to go over stuff. Get the nanny and housekeeper to take on more chores. If you can't set aside one afternoon a week to cook the week's meals -- get a cook or takeout or go out to eat.

Make sure to try to schedule time to have sex with DH...otherwise he will go elsewhere. I think most women could do w/o sex -- but most men cannot.

Try to find at least one simple joy each day. Take it day by day. Don't listen to the haters here. I would bet a lot of women in DC are like you and me. We want it all and hate when people say you can't have it all. You can...you just have to get others to do the dirty work for you.

OP has GOT to be a troll. I just don't believe this post for a second.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fun part of your life is over. You are going to have a few years of hassle now. suck it up.

+1

OP, you're still living like you're single, whether you think you are or not. You haven't cut the cord yet to all of those ridiculous friend/ family social commitments that you think are so important, as well as your "demanding" job.

You are married now and have a child. It's not about you living your life the way you always did. If you try to continue, this -- or worse -- will be the end result.

Lol. None of these commitments are for my family/friends. They are all on my husband's side. No one on my side sees me any more. I think people are getting the wrong impression though. These social commitments (really in law commitments) come up only once a month and often less frequently than that. It is not any one thing that makes life so hard; it is everything taken together. I cannot refuse to attend SIL's wedding because a work function ate up the one night I was going to have to myself. I can't not give DS a bath because I pulled an all nighter and am exhausted. I can't refuse to deal with DS when he is sick, so I get sick too in time for a major assignment to be due. It is everything. I am pulled in a million directions.

You have a nanny. Review childcare tasks and see what can be done during the time she is there. There's no reason your DS must have a bath in the evening when you are exhausted. Make it an a.m. thing that the nanny handles.

Excellent point. Or, better yet, don't bathe him every day unless he's actually dirty.

I think it's the toddler years. I have two kids, 5+ years apart. The older one is a dream, the toddler makes me want to rip every hair out of my head individually. Give it time. Start thinking in terms of "this is a phase, it will pass in 2 years when they're 4,5, etc.". When your kid is 6,7,8 and more independent, more people will be willing to help out with babysitting, they can spend more time independently, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

OP, you're not the most sympathetic poster, but I do think you've gotten some good advice. If you have a nanny, you shouldn't have to do the morning routine that many of us do before daycare (getting kid up, dressing screaming kid, begging child to eat breakfast, cooking and packing a lunch, etc.), and you also shouldn't have to do the bathing. Instead, your time with your child can be doing the things that you prioritize and ENJOY, because the nanny can take very specific direction about getting the other things done. Similarly, with a housekeeper coming twice a week (I didn't even know that was possible), you really shouldn't have to clean at all other than a few daily things and straightening up. DH and I only clean our house once a week with maybe 30 minutes of daily chores (dishwasher, wipe down table, change messed up sheets, throw in a load of laundry), and that keeps our house looking pretty good.

Maybe one other thing that might work for you is finding little pockets of you time during the day. For me, I don't drive into work, so I get to do 15-20 minutes of personal reading or knitting or deep breathing on the metro. When I shut my door to pump, I also spend an extra 5-10 minutes of me time afterwards before plugging back in. Then, before bed, I try to watch a few minutes of TV or read 5 pages of a book just to decompress a little. Finally, DH and I switch off on the weekends - during one afternoon nap, he goes out and has some time to himself; during the other afternoon nap, I go out and have a couple of hours to do my thing. Our kids aren't deprived of our time, but we each get a little break. You have to find time and prioritize that time or it will continue to feel like a rat race, but with the resources you have, it honestly is doable.

Signed,

Mother of three that works 60+ hours with no nanny or housekeeper and is pretty damned happy

Don't have another child. When your youngest gets a bit older, life will become so much easier. SO much easier.

We have two, and I'm so happy with two. However, because things were tough with one, we waited a very long time to have a second. We encountered secondary infertility, which wasn't fun. We wanted our second desperately, and our family feels perfect to us now. The pros of having them far apart is that everything is more manageable, and we get to spend quality time with both. If we'd had them close together, it would have been horribly difficult. A con is that even when you have two kids several years apart, it's still harder than having only one.

I'm trying to say - while being clear that two works for us - is that having one child is okay. It's really okay. You will get your life back sooner, and everything will feel much more manageable sooner. You're only 31, so your child will be out of the house when you're in your 40s and have a lot of time ahead of you to travel. Kids don't need siblings. Don't drink the kool aid. Having toddlers is really hard, so only do it once.

You may also need to embrace the fact that it's tough for a while. You sound angry that it's not as easy as you thought it would be. It will get better, just perhaps not on your schedule.

Life is what you make it. Believe or not, you do have choices.

Our choice was to buy a small home, with no mortgage in a close DC area, so I could as much or as little as I wanted while we were raising our children. Our children don't have it any better than parents who work more, but this works for us and our family.

It does get easier when kids get older, but then you have their activity schedule to deal with, so it always be something.

I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

You sound like a perfectionist. Perfectionism is often exacerbated by having a kid. I am a happy person because I am Type B.

I also am a grateful person. There is zero gratitude in your OP for what you do have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you're 31 with a nanny and a twice weekly housekeeper, and life is hard. Spare me. You are the definition of entitlement mentality. You need to grow up - fast - before you pass this onto your child. The worst thing is you don't even realize how fortunate you are.

Jesus, why do you women on here have such a starvation mentality? As soon as you figure out that someone has something you don't, the claws come out. Grow up and stop being so damn bitter. Maybe if you worked harder, instead of being hateful, you could afford a nanny and housekeeper too like OP.

This.

DCUM is crawling with ungracious women who aren't poor economically, but suffer from a pathological poverty of the soul. You posters who took the chance to lay into OP still have to return to whatever it is in your lives that has made you so unhappy. That is exactly what you deserve.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nanny? Houskeeper? And a husband who helps out? Be thankful for what you DO have, and MAKE time for the interests that you mentioned.

Yes, I am aware there are others who have it harder. No need to go skipping down that road. My point is to reach out to other moms. One can't really admit in real life that being a wife and mom kind of sucks.

It gets easier, I promise. I had a hard time with the little time for myself when my kids were younger. Mine are now 16 and 13 and it's a lot easier.

Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.