Anonymous wrote:It's possible that your son is genetically related to you. It's also possible he is not. There's a way to find out that costs about $100. So ask yourself if the knowledge is worth it.

This.

You can buy an over-the-counter paternity test at Walgreens. If you have to know, just do that.

I'm surprised by these responses. OPs love for the child should be conditional on whether or not he's the father. Parenting is a huge investment and it's easy to find out the facts so why not do it?

Anonymous wrote:OP has said that his child resembles the child of the OM in ways aside from hair color. At least that's how I'm reading his latest post. OP is this correct?

I don't know...my daughter doesn't definitively resemble me or my husband. If there was any question about paternity whatsoever, it would be easy to assign certain features to the supposed AP, whether it was the reality or not. I think that's what's happening with the OP. The reddish tones in his son's hair could easily be produced from his own genes, but since he believes that his wife had an affair he is seeing this as evidence that his son is not actually his. That may be the truth, or it may not be. I think he's just looking for irrefutable evidence - like a DNA test - that would prove his wife actually cheated.

OP, I would listen to the deep distrust you're expressing and not focus on the child. Your wife jeopardized the relationship by cheating. That action gave birth to the grave distrust you now carry in your heart. I don't think your question has anything whatsoever to do with your darling boy. You're asking about the cancer in your heart. And, you don't need a test to know that your love for her and your investment in the marriage has been compromised. That's where you should place your attention. That boy is yours in every way imaginable. Keep your love for him separate and apart from your feelings toward your wife. Act accordingly. You can make decisions about how to move forward based on what she's done to break the love you shared, not what may have resulted from it re DS's parentage. Work by what you know: She cheated and deceived you willfully and without much apology. That is the punishable piece. Your son should never enter into this discussion. Your love for him is off limits and is to be safeguarded above all, treasured.

Disaggregate the two as you process this, OP.

My Dh has black hair, and his grandmother has red hair. Red hair is funny about when it shows up.

Do you really want to know the answer to the question? You love him madly.

OP has said that his child resembles the child of the OM in ways aside from hair color. At least that's how I'm reading his latest post. OP is this correct?

Hair color in humans is not a Mendelian trait, and the genetics or hair color are much more complex than previously thought. However there is an inexpensive and easy way of determining the child's paternity. You deserve to know so just find out. Parenting is a huge investment and you should have this critical fact in front of you before you decide anything.

So other than the hair thing, does he look like you at all? Have any features that are specific to your side of the family, e.g. cleft chin? Because having brown hair with a slight tinge of red wouldn't be enough for me to question paternity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated and now I wonder if our son is mine. I love him madly and would be devastated if he weren't but I have to ask the question.

I have dark brown hair and WW has black hair. OM has red headed children.

Our son was born with a full head of red hair which has darkened a little over time to light brown with red highlights.

Google not real helpful to me.

Any genetics experts out there?

You realize the stereotypical Irish redhead often has jet black-haired relatives, right?

Just take a test if you're always going to question it, though.

Take the test but not before thinking through your response if he isn't yours. If you've raised this child as yours & he's always known you as your dad, don't jeopardize that for the kid.

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated and now I wonder if our son is mine. I love him madly and would be devastated if he weren't but I have to ask the question.

I have dark brown hair and WW has black hair. OM has red headed children.

Our son was born with a full head of red hair which has darkened a little over time to light brown with red highlights.

Google not real helpful to me.

Any genetics experts out there?

You realize the stereotypical Irish redhead often has jet black-haired relatives, right?

Just take a test if you're always going to question it, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated and now I wonder if our son is mine. I love him madly and would be devastated if he weren't but I have to ask the question.

I have dark brown hair and WW has black hair. OM has red headed children.

Our son was born with a full head of red hair which has darkened a little over time to light brown with red highlights.

Google not real helpful to me.

Any genetics experts out there?

I'm not sure I'd ask then.

He's yours. Whether or not he has your genes, he's yours.

I agree with this. And, he was born into your marriage and your name is on the birth certificate. He is yours in your heart and in the eyes of the law.

I am an adoptive parent, so maybe that skews my perception, but I can't imagine thinking of a child I had raised for 4 years, and for whom I was the only dad they had ever known, as not mine. And I can't imagine jeopardizing my connection to the child for that reason.

I understand that you are angry with your wife, and her AP, but a positive test won't take away your anger, and a negative test won't change the fact that he's yours, just like the fact that the little girl who looks nothing like me is mine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

A man can ever fully know absent a test.

You are seriously messed up. I guarantee my DH "fully" knows and has never spent a minute questioning it.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That is one of the worst comparisons I've ever read on DCUM. Who would be the guilty people going free in the paternity context?

If a man has cause to believe fraud has occurred, he has an easy remedy. No need for even bigger government trying to run people's lives.

No, he doesn't have an easy remedy, that's the whole point of paternity reform. It's based on the honor system.

Sure he does. Do the swab sometime in the first 3 years before the kid will know what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

A man can ever fully know absent a test.

You are seriously messed up. I guarantee my DH "fully" knows and has never spent a minute questioning it.