Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 13:42     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:op here: he calls me lazy and says I don't do anything anymore (when I work full time and he doesn't lift a FINGER around the house). When I say I'm tired/feel sick he tells me it's just the pregnancy and to get used to it (the cheek of it), and then when he is ill and says he feels sick, which has been a lot recently (I wonder why) I'm suddenly a horrible wife because I don't rush to cater for his every need fast enough!
he's turning into a really nasty, nasty person and I'm at the end of my tether.Whenever I speak to him about it he says I'm nagging and lazy and it's getting too much. I am so shattered and sick of feeling sick all day, and I come home after struggling at work and find I'm struggling even more at home!

He absolutely wanted this baby. He was the one talking non stop for the last year or so about having a baby!!


I'm so sorry OP. Sounds like he wanted a baby immediately because he knew you would be out of their fast as soon as his true colors came out!


This does NOT bode well for the future, unfortunately. Maybe a trial separation would be a good idea right now.

Could you go stay with your mom or something for a little while?
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 13:28     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
OP, are you still out there? Checking in.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2015 18:38     Subject: Re:Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
This behavior is abusive. As others have said, get your affairs in order and be ready to leave permanently - but don't let him know. If he's this bad now, he'll only be worse when the baby arrives. It's possible he could have an epiphany and become a decent person after he sees and holds the baby, but I wouldn't count on it. The first year is especially hard. I'd rather go it alone than with an abusive spouse.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2015 10:47     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your mother for advice?


My mother passed away when I was young. I will seek advice within my community. I don't think people on DCUM will understand arranged marriages. Thanks anyway


OP I am Indian and am from a community where people have arranged marriages.

I think you need to figure out what you are willing to do and at what point you would be willing to leave him. If you aren't willing to leave him, you need to find out how to make your current situation bearable, how to protect your child, and have a plan if it gets to a point where you need to leave.

Divorce rates are climbing even amongst arranged marriages. You are employed and can make your own money. Do you think your family would shun you if you were to divorce?


OP - I am also Indian (not sure if you are, but many of my cousins have arranged marriages). I totally agree with the above PP. Do you have family support (emotional) if you were to leave him? You should also start recording what he says (write down date and time), just to show family how badly he treats you. I am so glad you are at a hotel right now.

Thinking of you.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2015 10:38     Subject: Re:Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:Do you have a friend or family member you can stay with a couple of days? You have to convey to your husband that it's not ok to treat you like this. If you start allowing him to treat you like a servant than he will always see you as one.
Do you have someone who can talk some sense into him like your father?

I would start preparing for when the shit hits the fan after the baby's birth. Start building your network of friends and family. I've found that women with young children were helpful when I had a newborn. Get resources now on dealing with post partum depression because you are a prime candidate for ppd. Ask your OB for resources and names of counsellors. I would also find a divorce lawyer now, not because I'm recommending that you get a divorce, but if it comes to that you will be ready to pull the trigger. Also get copies of all the financial statements.


I am going to stay at a hotel for a few days.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2015 10:34     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:PS: This might happen again during perimenopause.

I'm 45 and the two days before my period hits, I have to sleep for 13 straight hours every night. Am I physically exerting myself? No, but my hormones turn me into Sleeping Menopausal Beauty for two days every month.

So your husband needs to wake the F up now, while you power the F down and get your needed rest. His reward will be a wife who doesn't read him the hormonal riot act. (Seriously, dude, you do not want to go there.)


+1 I get this way, too, during that time of the month. So, basically, every month, for a couple of days, I'm exhausted and have a migraine, too.


Yeah, me too (45 and perimenopausal).
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2015 08:54     Subject: Re:Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Do you have a friend or family member you can stay with a couple of days? You have to convey to your husband that it's not ok to treat you like this. If you start allowing him to treat you like a servant than he will always see you as one.
Do you have someone who can talk some sense into him like your father?

I would start preparing for when the shit hits the fan after the baby's birth. Start building your network of friends and family. I've found that women with young children were helpful when I had a newborn. Get resources now on dealing with post partum depression because you are a prime candidate for ppd. Ask your OB for resources and names of counsellors. I would also find a divorce lawyer now, not because I'm recommending that you get a divorce, but if it comes to that you will be ready to pull the trigger. Also get copies of all the financial statements.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2015 18:09     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your mother for advice?


My mother passed away when I was young. I will seek advice within my community. I don't think people on DCUM will understand arranged marriages. Thanks anyway


OP I am Indian and am from a community where people have arranged marriages.

I think you need to figure out what you are willing to do and at what point you would be willing to leave him. If you aren't willing to leave him, you need to find out how to make your current situation bearable, how to protect your child, and have a plan if it gets to a point where you need to leave.

Divorce rates are climbing even amongst arranged marriages. You are employed and can make your own money. Do you think your family would shun you if you were to divorce?
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2015 16:14     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your mother for advice?


My mother passed away when I was young. I will seek advice within my community. I don't think people on DCUM will understand arranged marriages. Thanks anyway


Are you the same person who posted about a month ago about her husband who stopped using condoms without telling her? She was also in an arranged marriage and her mother had died although I think she had passed away the prior year.


no and I am not muslim
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2015 16:11     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your mother for advice?


My mother passed away when I was young. I will seek advice within my community. I don't think people on DCUM will understand arranged marriages. Thanks anyway


Are you the same person who posted about a month ago about her husband who stopped using condoms without telling her? She was also in an arranged marriage and her mother had died although I think she had passed away the prior year.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2015 15:10     Subject: Re:Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
I couldn't believe how tired I was in my first trimester. I would konk out at 8-9 PM every night. Just go to bed! Your DH will find something to do--maybe he'll even find it within him to clean up a bit.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2015 15:06     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:I hope all you exhausted women don't have second kids! Will you just never see your firstborn again because you fall asleep the second you get home from work?
\

I just posted about being the worst between 9-16 weeks. I'm on my second. No one thinks you get the option of falling asleep at 6 when you have a toddler or older child, but the difference is that you probably SHOULD be doing that if that's what your body is telling you to do! Instead you are just basically miserable until it passes and trying to be a decent mom.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2015 15:02     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:If you are in your first trimester tell him you are growing a whole other human including all the organs. They are all complete by the time you're in week 13. Totally normal to feel exhausted. I took naps after work and DH made dinner 80% of the time. Have him go to a dr appointment with you. Good luck!!


FWIW I felt the most nausea and exhaustion from weeks about 9-16. So its not a magic bullet at 2.5 months of actual gestation (remember the 1st 2 weeks you aren't even pregnant!), so I wouldn't feed your DH that ammo!
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2015 14:51     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your mother for advice?


My mother passed away when I was young. I will seek advice within my community. I don't think people on DCUM will understand arranged marriages. Thanks anyway


Is there an Imam you could ask for advice?
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2015 14:46     Subject: Pregnant and husband is calling me lazy
Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your mother for advice?


My mother passed away when I was young. I will seek advice within my community. I don't think people on DCUM will understand arranged marriages. Thanks anyway