I honestly don't know if I could stay married to a man who disrespected me and our marriage so thoroughly and who refuses therapy.

My BIL did this exact same thing to his then-wife...they got divorced over it and the BIL never got back together with the former flame - and the former flame's new husband had to take out a restraining order against BIL.

He refuses marriage or individual counseling. Says hes not depressed...that he just needs willpower to lose weight. He gets defensive whenever i bring it up. He is stubborn.

I would ask him to join you in marital counseling.

I'm sorry OP, but if this were me, I would be done with this person. Maybe not this instant, but as others have said, I'd start making plans to leave. It's not merely that he said this extremely hurtful thing, but that it appears to be true and he continues to believe it. I couldn't trust this person with my heart a moment longer.

OP, since his feelings go back to a week after you were married, I don't think this is just a mid-life crisis. I also don't think that you should have married someone who was so uncertain about you and wavering back and forth between you and someone else. He may have experienced the same regret if he had chosen the other person. Maybe neither choice was quite right. You say that the two of you can't separate now, but maybe you could work toward it for the future?