Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think your teen has been to a party without alcohol, you've been duped.

Nope, I've been to several parties to pick her up, and she doesn't drink. She knows why I don't, she knows that we have several alcoholics in the family, and she watched a cousin become an alcoholic before killing herself (debatable whether it was accidental or suicide).

Just because she doesn't drink does not mean there is no alcohol at the party, and pot.

Also, you can get an alcohol violation if you are at a drinking party but your BAC is 0.0, so the fact she does not drink doesn't matter in the eyes of the law.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The driver had an alcohol citation in March and another in ocean city earlier this month. It makes me ill he still had access to a car.

Exactly.

Alcohol citation, or a drinking and driving citation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think your teen has been to a party without alcohol, you've been duped.

Nope, I've been to several parties to pick her up, and she doesn't drink. She knows why I don't, she knows that we have several alcoholics in the family, and she watched a cousin become an alcoholic before killing herself (debatable whether it was accidental or suicide).

Anonymous wrote:It's not only parties, though; if kids want to drink, they will do it whenever there's an opportunity -- at someone's house while the parents are at work, for example. Are you going to tell your 18 year old that they can't go over to a friend's house?

I'm wondering how many of you have had a teen who has been that age -- between h.s. graduation and the start of college. It's a fine line you walk, between trying to protect them from harm and yet giving them freedom to make good decisions; after all, in a few months, they will be away on their own without you looking over their shoulder (and if you think that there's no drinking at college, it may not be on campus, but there is still a lot of drinking off-campus). It is very stressful as a parent, and although you preach and teach about the dangers of drinking and driving or riding with someone who's impaired...teens are going to do foolish things, because they can't imagine that anything bad will happen to THEM. I'm just saying, it's not as cut and dry as some of you think it is.

I do think that having a mangled car on the school lawn presents a powerful visual and gives teens something to think about. These terrible incidents need to be turned into messages for the younger students and not be quickly forgotten.

What is absolutely inexcusable is that adults would allow teens to drink at their home. I knew of a family who would let kids drink at their home, but would make them spend the night -- still very, very wrong in my eyes. I hope the adults who let this party occur are charged to the fullest extent of the law, and I hope their names are made public.

Anonymous wrote:If you think your teen has been to a party without alcohol, you've been duped.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?

Have them watch the clip in one of the previous links, that should make a huge impact.

Kids watch this stuff all the time. They see it in health class at school. It gets discussed often from 6th grade forward. But, no, it doesn't just sink in. Teenagers are impulsive and don't think clearly when they are with friends and it's even worse when they are impaired by alcohol or drugs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The driver had an alcohol citation in March and another in ocean city earlier this month. It makes me ill he still had access to a car.

Exactly.

Alcohol citation, or a drinking and driving citation?

Does it matter. He's underaged and drinking in public. Yet still allowed to drive a car.

George Huguely was charged with underage possession of alcohol and arrested for public drunkenness and resisting arrest. Although in his case, he beat someone to death and didn't use a car to kill his victim.

Anonymous wrote:PP here -my text got lost in quote.

Here it is.

Parent of an almost-18 yo. We told DD that we would pick her up, no questions asked, at anytime day or night. We told her that she would never get in trouble for this.

We also told her that if she was EVER found to be drinking / drugging and driving that we would personally arrange for the MVA to rescind her license until she was an adult (the MVA has a process for this). We bought a breathalyzer and did test her with it once, mostly just to prove that we would use it and she shouldn't think it was an empty threat.

She called us. Not terribly often, but enough that I noticed that she took us seriously. Would I prefer she didn't drink? Yes. Would I prefer that I didn't have to occasionally drag myself out of bed after sleeping to pick her up? Yes. But I took great care to reinforce that my number one value was no drinking and driving. I NEVER lectured her for having me pick her up. If it had become a weekly thing, perhaps I would revisit my approach, but it was infrequent enough that I never indicated I minded. I didn't want to create any disincentive to being called

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?

Our HS put the mangled car on the front lawn of the school.

Anonymous wrote:PP here -my text got lost in quote.

Here it is.

Parent of an almost-18 yo. We told DD that we would pick her up, no questions asked, at anytime day or night. We told her that she would never get in trouble for this.

We also told her that if she was EVER found to be drinking / drugging and driving that we would personally arrange for the MVA to rescind her license until she was an adult (the MVA has a process for this). We bought a breathalyzer and did test her with it once, mostly just to prove that we would use it and she shouldn't think it was an empty threat.

She called us. Not terribly often, but enough that I noticed that she took us seriously. Would I prefer she didn't drink? Yes. Would I prefer that I didn't have to occasionally drag myself out of bed after sleeping to pick her up? Yes. But I took great care to reinforce that my number one value was no drinking and driving. I NEVER lectured her for having me pick her up. If it had become a weekly thing, perhaps I would revisit my approach, but it was infrequent enough that I never indicated I minded. I didn't want to create any disincentive to being called

Anonymous wrote:Just curious why the media hasn't reported the name of the family hosting the party in the news.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not only parties, though; if kids want to drink, they will do it whenever there's an opportunity -- at someone's house while the parents are at work, for example. Are you going to tell your 18 year old that they can't go over to a friend's house?

I'm wondering how many of you have had a teen who has been that age -- between h.s. graduation and the start of college. It's a fine line you walk, between trying to protect them from harm and yet giving them freedom to make good decisions; after all, in a few months, they will be away on their own without you looking over their shoulder (and if you think that there's no drinking at college, it may not be on campus, but there is still a lot of drinking off-campus). It is very stressful as a parent, and although you preach and teach about the dangers of drinking and driving or riding with someone who's impaired...teens are going to do foolish things, because they can't imagine that anything bad will happen to THEM. I'm just saying, it's not as cut and dry as some of you think it is.

I do think that having a mangled car on the school lawn presents a powerful visual and gives teens something to think about. These terrible incidents need to be turned into messages for the younger students and not be quickly forgotten.

What is absolutely inexcusable is that adults would allow teens to drink at their home. I knew of a family who would let kids drink at their home, but would make them spend the night -- still very, very wrong in my eyes. I hope the adults who let this party occur are charged to the fullest extent of the law, and I hope their names are made public.

Parent of an almost-18 yo. We told DD that we would pick her up, no questions asked, at anytime day or night. We told her that she would never get in trouble for this.

We also told her that if she was EVER found to be drinking / drugging and driving that we would personally arrange for the MVA to rescind her license until she was an adult (the MVA has a process for this). We bought a breathalyzer and did test her with it once, mostly just to prove that we would use it and she shouldn't think it was an empty threat.

She called us. Not terribly often, but enough that I noticed that she took us seriously. Would I prefer she didn't drink? Yes. Would I prefer that I didn't have to occasionally drag myself out of bed after sleeping to pick her up? Yes. But I took great care to reinforce that my number one value was no drinking and driving. I NEVER lectured her for having me pick her up. If it had become a weekly thing, perhaps I would revisit my approach, but it was infrequent enough that I never indicated I minded. I didn't want to create any disincentive to being called.
I used to spend the night at a friend's house as a teen and justified it to my parents that this was the preferable option to driving after drinking to meet a curfew. This is the reality of most teens - alcohol is very prevalent at parties. I was a good student, an athlete, somewhat responsible and wanted to maintain an honest relationship with my parents. Your kids will find a way to engage in these activities while either being honest with you or deceiving you to maintain their freedom. It was evident to me in college who had strict upbringings because those were the kids going nuts.

I have young kids now and am struggling with how to handle this when they reach this stage. I want them to be honest with me and I will focus on keeping them safe. An, but the details...