Anonymous wrote:what is cis?

Cisgender is somebody whose outwards genitalia matches with their gender identity. Basically, the opposite of transgender.

Some people do not like that there is a word for this, but I like having that word. It makes being trans less "other". We have a word for people who are sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender and sex (straight) that is the opposite of gay.

Anonymous wrote:Do you think there would have been any way to continue living as a man and being accepting of yourself?

Is there any way you can describe what it feels like to feel like your gender and sex don't match up?

No. I might have been able to suppress my feelings enough to get by on a day to day basis, but I would have been very unhappy.

Every trans person has a different experience, so please understand that my views and history are mine alone.

I felt uncomfortable growing up. I'm a very sensory person, so I've described it as constantly feeling like there was a tag itching me on my clothing, or that uncomfortable toe seam on socks. I was never truly at ease. I didn't hate my penis, but hated that having it meant that I was automatically supposed to subscribe to traditional masculine thoughts and actions. I felt like I was pretending. I would study what boys and men did and then replicated the behaviors that I saw, but constantly felt like I was playing a character.

Transitioning has changed me from wearing an itchy wool shirt to the smoothest, softest silk shirt that feels wonderful when I wear it.

Thank you for doing this AMA - it is very helpful and you seem like a lovely woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How was the response at your work - assuming you were a male when hired and are still at the same place since you officially transitioned? (You may not be)

I moved after I started transitioning, just to give myself a completely fresh start. My current job has only known me as a woman. Somebody I thought was a friend outed me to my boss, but my boss does not mind. I haven't told any coworkers.

(new poster). I don't know why this annoys me or if it's wrong that it does (I feel guilty about it so assume it is wrong), but I hate seeing transgendered women (male to female) and cross dressers. I was born female, am straight and present as female. The transgendered women and those who crossdress in women's clothes NEVER look like any women I know. They always have fake manicured nails, heavily makeup'd faces, very frilly dresses, heels, etc. Why don't I ever see a transgendered woman wearing just jeans and a t-shirt like I wear every day? I can always spot a trans woman, without needing to be told. Do you think people really can't tell? Or am I just good at this?

Not the OP. There are lots of ways to answer this, but I think the most obvious is "How do you know that you can always spot a trans woman?" I mean, if you can't spot her, you don't know that you didn't spot her.

As for why some trans women are into performative femininity, I think that some trans women are into performative femininity for the same reason as some cis women. Because it makes them feel good, or that's their personal style. I know plenty of trans women who wear jeans, or jeans and a blazer. However, I also think there's an element of gender presentation at play. As a cis woman, and a cis woman with an hourglass shape, there is no outfit I could wear that would lead someone to misgender me. I wear my hair short, and I've never been called "sir." But if you are in the grey area anyway, because you are trans or genderqueer or just androgynous, then overtly feminine clothes tell the world how you want to be addressed.

That's exactly right, PP. I have to present a certain why to fit in society's beauty standards for women. If I wear a dress, even if people would be able to tell from my face and body that I was DMAB, it's kind of obvious that I am at least trying to be a woman. (I hated typing out that sentence, by the way. I am not trying to be anything. I simply am.) But if I were clothes, even just jeans and a shirt, that are not obviously gendered, I get perceived as a man more often than I would like (which is never.)

Gaia wrote:

My boss knows after I was outed by somebody who was a friend of mine, but my boss is fine with everything. I haven't told any coworkers, but I'm pretty sure that some of them suspect.

A coworker used to make a lot of tranny jokes that were cruel and hurtful, but my boss and one coworker who I think knows cracked down on that and put a stop to it. I've been debating coming out to them for a few months now, but haven't yet found the courage to do it.

Does this mean you present as male (Im sorry if I screw up the lingo) at work? That must be hard, I'm sorry. To have to flip back and forth like that.

FWIW, I'm not sure that transitioning is the best way to treat transsexualism but I think that everyone should be allowed to live their lives in pursuit of their own happiness.

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I'm the poster from your previous thread who has a Wiccan family member and posted a few times clarifying things based on my experience. I thought your other thread was great and hope this one stays similarly respectful. I am a grad student and recently wrote a paper on providing culturally competent therapy to transgender people that also involved a number of interviews with trans* friends and friends of friends. At this point, I am basically a straight married ciswoman, but earlier in life, I had girlfriends, some of whom were DMAB, so I'm familiar with being the partner of someone who is beginning HRT or considering surgery.

I don't have many questions, but here's one:

What is your relationship with your ex-wife like now? How did your father react to you coming out to him? Was your mother still alive at that time?

To what extent you are a trans* activist? Does your professional situation involve gender identity? Are you active politically? Do you participate in trans* focused social activities?

Hi! I'm glad you've stopped by. I appreciated and enjoyed your input on my other AMA.

My relationship with my ex is...strained. Our entire relationship was intense and tumultuous. She's supportive of my transition and is okay with me continuing to be a parent to our children, but she wants nothing to do with me.

My mother never knew. I regret that she will never know the true me, but I'm confident that she would love me. My father was originally opposed to my religion when I was a teenager, but knew that if was too vocal about it he would lose me, and because I am his only family left he learned to accept my faith. The same thing happened when I came out to him as being transgender; he wasn't happy, but accepted it just so he could stay in my life.

My career does not have to do with gender identity. I'm somewhat politically active, in that I vote and try to stay informed. I go to trans rallies and some meetups, but I'm very shy and introverted so most of my connections with other Wiccans and other trans people are online.

I was glad to see you start another thread. I suspect we would get along well IRL.

Follow up question - have you experienced discrimination or harassment at work because of your gender identity? I ask because a dear friend of mine recently just put his transition on hold because of problems at work. His workplace is actually VERY support of trans* rights, but he works in a rape crisis center in a direct services capacity and it was determined by senior staff that having a counselor who presented as male would be too traumatic for many of their clients. They are happy that he is on staff, knowing as you and I both do the stats related to sexual assaults on transgender people, but he was basically told that he could switch to an admin role or stay "female" in direct services. It is a complicated sad situation that there is really no solution to. His plan is to stay at the agency for another year or so and then find a new job, start as male and avoid the problem, which it sounds like you have mostly done.

My boss knows after I was outed by somebody who was a friend of mine, but my boss is fine with everything. I haven't told any coworkers, but I'm pretty sure that some of them suspect.

A coworker used to make a lot of tranny jokes that were cruel and hurtful, but my boss and one coworker who I think knows cracked down on that and put a stop to it. I've been debating coming out to them for a few months now, but haven't yet found the courage to do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How was the response at your work - assuming you were a male when hired and are still at the same place since you officially transitioned? (You may not be)

I moved after I started transitioning, just to give myself a completely fresh start. My current job has only known me as a woman. Somebody I thought was a friend outed me to my boss, but my boss does not mind. I haven't told any coworkers.

(new poster). I don't know why this annoys me or if it's wrong that it does (I feel guilty about it so assume it is wrong), but I hate seeing transgendered women (male to female) and cross dressers. I was born female, am straight and present as female. The transgendered women and those who crossdress in women's clothes NEVER look like any women I know. They always have fake manicured nails, heavily makeup'd faces, very frilly dresses, heels, etc. Why don't I ever see a transgendered woman wearing just jeans and a t-shirt like I wear every day? I can always spot a trans woman, without needing to be told. Do you think people really can't tell? Or am I just good at this?

I overcompensated when I first transitioned. I wore a lot of makeup because for the first time, it was socially acceptable to do so. I wore age-inappropriate clothing because I could finally wear the clothes that I'd seen in magazines or on celebrities. Imagine transwomen as teenage girls experimenting with their looks for the first time, because that's pretty much what we are. You had your awkward puberty years in middle school, whereas some transwomen have that awkward stage in middle age!

I've finally settled into a style that's still more work than I'd like. I want to wear short hair and wear little to no makeup, but that makes me look more masculine.

DMAB (designated male at birth) have different facial features than women. HRT changes the face slightly, so perhaps the women you see have not yet started on hormones. Some transwomen, like Caitlyn Jenner, have surgery to make their faces more feminine.

Congratulations, you're good at picking out transwomen. You're observant. But ask yourself if how these women dress affects you, and please do not out them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:what is cis?

Cisgender or cissexual (often abbreviated to simply cis) describes related types of gender identity perceptions, where individuals' experiences of their own gender agree with the sex they were assigned at birth.

-- Wikipedia

So like normal men and women... why not just say male and female?

Because "normal" is a value judgment.

Normal
adjective
1.
conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2.
serving to establish a standard.

Having a word (cisgender) for people whose gender expression matches their biological sex is the same theory as having a word (neurotypical) for people who aren't on the autism spectrum. It serves to avoid a value judgment or use of the word "normal."

jsteele wrote:Please stop hijacking OP's thread. Go argue the definition of words in another thread.

+1,000,000

Please stop hijacking OP's thread. Go argue the definition of words in another thread.

Do you use the ladies room in public? Ever encounter an issue?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with transgender; however, I appreciate your openness in this thread and I feel that I've learned something. Thank you.

Not OP. I don't really understand what people mean when they say they "don't agree" with someone else's gender identity or the way it's expressed. There's nothing to agree with. Are you trying to say that you do not believe that anyone can truly be transgender? Are you trying to say that you do not support transgender rights?

Some people don't agree when people dress up like goths or have 19 children either. You don't have to agree with every choice another person makes to support their right to live how they want.

I just do not understand the use of the term "agree." It seems that what you mean is "approve."

Agree: have the same opinion about something; concur. The pp doesn't agree with the opinions surrounding transgender. Not that hard to figure out.

There are no "opinions about transgender." It's like gravity - it exists whether your opinion coincides with its existence or not.

PP who was asking about the terminology: I agree with this statement.

I don't understand how someone can agree or disagree with someone else's experience of their own gender. Say, "No, you don't feel like a woman, I disagree with your feelings"? Say, "I do not believe that you really have those feelings?"

I get that people think that transgender people have many issues, are maladjusted, need to get over themselves, or whatever, but I have never understood how someone can hear someone else's sincere experience of their own lives and say, "I don't agree."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what is cis?

Cisgender or cissexual (often abbreviated to simply cis) describes related types of gender identity perceptions, where individuals' experiences of their own gender agree with the sex they were assigned at birth.

-- Wikipedia

So like normal men and women... why not just say male and female?

Because "normal" is a value judgment.

Normal
adjective
1.
conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2.
serving to establish a standard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with transgender; however, I appreciate your openness in this thread and I feel that I've learned something. Thank you.

Not OP. I don't really understand what people mean when they say they "don't agree" with someone else's gender identity or the way it's expressed. There's nothing to agree with. Are you trying to say that you do not believe that anyone can truly be transgender? Are you trying to say that you do not support transgender rights?

Some people don't agree when people dress up like goths or have 19 children either. You don't have to agree with every choice another person makes to support their right to live how they want.

I just do not understand the use of the term "agree." It seems that what you mean is "approve."

Agree: have the same opinion about something; concur. The pp doesn't agree with the opinions surrounding transgender. Not that hard to figure out.

There are no "opinions about transgender." It's like gravity - it exists whether your opinion coincides with its existence or not.

I disagree with you and I disagree with transgender. But, I believe in tolerance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with transgender; however, I appreciate your openness in this thread and I feel that I've learned something. Thank you.

Not OP. I don't really understand what people mean when they say they "don't agree" with someone else's gender identity or the way it's expressed. There's nothing to agree with. Are you trying to say that you do not believe that anyone can truly be transgender? Are you trying to say that you do not support transgender rights?

Some people don't agree when people dress up like goths or have 19 children either. You don't have to agree with every choice another person makes to support their right to live how they want.

I just do not understand the use of the term "agree." It seems that what you mean is "approve."

Agree: have the same opinion about something; concur. The pp doesn't agree with the opinions surrounding transgender. Not that hard to figure out.

There are no "opinions about transgender." It's like gravity - it exists whether your opinion coincides with its existence or not.

Good gravy you are a dense hair splitter. Opinion that transgender is just this natural awesome thing and not at all some type of mental disorder or cry for help/attention. Hows that?