Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP one trip will not change your marriage. One date night a week will. You need to put in more time to your marriage on a regular basis, not take long vacations (where he is working 10+ hours a day there). Seriously, do you think it's good for you to be there too for the hour or so per day? He will be working on who knows what while you get to sight see, relax, etc. I would think that may cause some jealousy in itself.

Amen

I agree with this whole heartedly. We had date nights until about 6 months ago, when it became clear they were being cancelled for work so frequently that it wasn't even worth booking the babysitter. When they were cancelled, I would try to workout or take care of some project that we were behind on, and I just felt bad for leaving my children in the evening when we weren't investing in our marriage.

Unfortunately due to his work commitments it will be two years before there is a possibility of a date night. He works really long hours. I am lucky to have dinner together as a family. I even feel lucky to say goodnight to him when I'm not passed out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP one trip will not change your marriage. One date night a week will. You need to put in more time to your marriage on a regular basis, not take long vacations (where he is working 10+ hours a day there). Seriously, do you think it's good for you to be there too for the hour or so per day? He will be working on who knows what while you get to sight see, relax, etc. I would think that may cause some jealousy in itself.

Amen

But with a marriage on the rocks--him going alone seriously may and probably will be the straw that breaks the camels back. OP is trying to hold on to her husband sounds like--what a difficult position--I could totally see myself doing the same thing even though it might be futile.

If things were so bad that I didn't think my DH could go away on a business trip for 2 weeks without my marriage completely collapsing, I would throw in the towel right there and then. Seriously?

Anonymous wrote:Pleasure trips are family trips for us. We enjoy are two young kids as much as we can because they will be gone for college in ten years and I will miss them terribly.

Oops... Correction here: we enjoy OUR two young kids

Pleasure trips are family trips for us. We enjoy are two young kids as much as we can because they will be gone for college in ten years and I will miss them terribly.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to be there during the business portion of the trip ? Why not meet your DH there at the end of the 2nd week for a week vacation? Then the kids are with relatives just for a week.

OP here. I didn't check this at all the past day. I appreciate everyone's response.

While it was a business trip for him, there were invitations for me to attend as well; it is part of the culture that the spouse is invited and does events with the family of main business host while the men are in their meetings. While I jumped in to be supportive and was excited for us to have time at the end after the meetings conclude, I just can't justify the whole time. I am changing the trip to 10 days.

Anonymous wrote:Why would you have bought tickets without thinking it through?

OP here. Dates of the two separate business itineraries were not fully set. One was set in stone, the other still isn't, to this day. We got a great great deal on airfare by booking this early, so even if we have to change it, we're still saving a ton on airfare (~approx $1k savings)

5 days. He would be with either my parents or DH's parents and he sees them all weekly and does overnights 1-2 times a month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My perspective is probably a bit different on this, but due to a combination of extensive work travel last summer (for me) and a move and a husband with an inflexible work schedule, my almost 4 year old spent the summer several states away with my parents. We visited 3 times and took her on a week long vacation and attempted to FaceTime daily, but time zone changes for me made that difficult some days. She has been begging since she came home to go back for the whole summer again. The plan is to go for just 2 weeks this summer and she is very disappointed.

We also left her when she 15 months for 7 days/6 nights with my parents, 2 days/1 night when she was a year, and 4 days/3 nights when she was a bit over two.

Sounds like your 4yr old likes the stability of her grandparents instead of the instability of her own parents. That is sad.

Oh give me a break. Grandparents have a pool and a beach, 2 acres of land, and are both retired and entirely doting all day long on her. She was the center of the universe for the summer and spoiled with ice cream and popsicles and all manner of things grandparents love to give to grandchildren. Of course that's more fun than getting up and going to daycare every day year round. I'd much rather spend my summer that way as well, even as an adult.

I have done a couple of weeks when my DS was with my parents. He knows them and is completely comfortable in their care. I know he is in good hands with them. He was 5 at the time. I would not have been able to leave him with my inlaws. NO way.

So I would say this really depends on the kid(s) and the caregivers. If they are with someone they love, they will miss you but not as much as you'd like to believe...lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP one trip will not change your marriage. One date night a week will. You need to put in more time to your marriage on a regular basis, not take long vacations (where he is working 10+ hours a day there). Seriously, do you think it's good for you to be there too for the hour or so per day? He will be working on who knows what while you get to sight see, relax, etc. I would think that may cause some jealousy in itself.

Amen

But with a marriage on the rocks--him going alone seriously may and probably will be the straw that breaks the camels back. OP is trying to hold on to her husband sounds like--what a difficult position--I could totally see myself doing the same thing even though it might be futile.

We left our three for 8 days to go to Hawaii, it was by far the longest we had ever left them. They were 6, 5 and 3. It was great. They were with grandparents, one set for 4 days the other set for 4 days, all in our home. Was great for everyone!
Could never do two weeks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My perspective is probably a bit different on this, but due to a combination of extensive work travel last summer (for me) and a move and a husband with an inflexible work schedule, my almost 4 year old spent the summer several states away with my parents. We visited 3 times and took her on a week long vacation and attempted to FaceTime daily, but time zone changes for me made that difficult some days. She has been begging since she came home to go back for the whole summer again. The plan is to go for just 2 weeks this summer and she is very disappointed.

We also left her when she 15 months for 7 days/6 nights with my parents, 2 days/1 night when she was a year, and 4 days/3 nights when she was a bit over two.

Sounds like your 4yr old likes the stability of her grandparents instead of the instability of her own parents. That is sad.

Not PP, but are you for real? Did you not have loving grandparents? My grandparents lived in the same house as us, and I loved spending time with them. I still cherish my memories with them. I have no issues with kids spending time with other members of the family, with or without me.

Family is very important to me and DH - at the end of the day, it's what matters the most. Part of becoming close as a family means spending time together in different configurations. So my niece and nephew have slept over at our house with their cousins and vice versa. My kids have vacationed with their grandparents and without us. We have also all vacationed together. We consider ourselves fortunate to be able to take trips with our kids and also alone, to enjoy time alone together - after all, one of the reasons we got married was because we enjoy each other's company!

I want to model a loving family to my children, and part of that is showing that it's OK for parents to vacation without their children, while the children have a blast connecting with other family members. Frankly, I am surprised that some folks never travel without their children.

I was against this at first--but given the circumstances of a troubled marriage--absolutely do this. In the scheme of things your kids will be fine. You hopefully have extremely trustworthy caregivers. In the old timey days when I was a tyke in the 60's people would have thought nothing of leaving a child with their grandma for a week or two--three would be stretching it. But these are special circumstances. Best of luck with your marriage--I really hope this works for you!

Anonymous wrote:My perspective is probably a bit different on this, but due to a combination of extensive work travel last summer (for me) and a move and a husband with an inflexible work schedule, my almost 4 year old spent the summer several states away with my parents. We visited 3 times and took her on a week long vacation and attempted to FaceTime daily, but time zone changes for me made that difficult some days. She has been begging since she came home to go back for the whole summer again. The plan is to go for just 2 weeks this summer and she is very disappointed.

We also left her when she 15 months for 7 days/6 nights with my parents, 2 days/1 night when she was a year, and 4 days/3 nights when she was a bit over two.

Sounds like your 4yr old likes the stability of her grandparents instead of the instability of her own parents. That is sad.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP one trip will not change your marriage. One date night a week will. You need to put in more time to your marriage on a regular basis, not take long vacations (where he is working 10+ hours a day there). Seriously, do you think it's good for you to be there too for the hour or so per day? He will be working on who knows what while you get to sight see, relax, etc. I would think that may cause some jealousy in itself.

Amen