Anonymous wrote:

Sex is a completely natural and expected thing in marriage. It is un-natural to NOT have sex.

The party who exhibits normal behavior (a natural sex desire) should "win" over the party exhibiting abnormal behavior (no sex). Nobody should feel guilty for acting like a normal adult. If the other party feels guilt for his/her abnormal behavior, I find it difficult to be sympathetic.

I find this so depressing. Marriage is a contract where sex is owed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, really. Any sex in your marriage cancels out "sexless" as a descriptor. If your husband goes and has sex with another woman just once this year, you're not going to be calling what they have a sexless relationship, are you.

I agree. How could once a month be sexless?

It's kind of like a desert is "waterless." Sure, there is the occasional oasis, but not enough to live on (or barely enough to live on if you know exactly where to look.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have sex once or twice a week. I would like to more often but that's the amount that works for my DH. I don't like giving BJs because then we don't have intercourse and I don't want to wait another week.

You don't have to do it to completion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, really. Any sex in your marriage cancels out "sexless" as a descriptor. If your husband goes and has sex with another woman just once this year, you're not going to be calling what they have a sexless relationship, are you.

I agree. How could once a month be sexless?

Anonymous wrote:

Do you hear yourself? You are depressed at the idea that marriage assumes a healthy sex life? Maybe you are right. You are depressed. Get help.

Do you hear yourself? "F@#k your feelings and the fact that I can't get you aroused. F@#k me anyway, because that's obviously YOUR problem, abnormal one. "

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexless_marriage
Obviously everyone will have their own opinion. Ten times a year seems the most common definition. We were at 10-11 for several years until I, the husband, told my wife that if we wanted a healthy marriage we needed a healthy sex life and that meant at least once a week. Things are getting better. Not great, but getting better.

What would you say if your wife said, "Now that we are done having kids.... in our 50s.... devoting 130% of our energy in a career... etc.., in order to have a healthy life (as we can't do it all) we are going to stop having sex." You probably wouldn't be happy having it her way.... why should she settle for the sex parameters YOUR way?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should probably add that we co-slept and one or both our kids still climb into our bed. They like to sleep next to us. It supposedly makes them feel safe.

Perfect recipe for sexless. I'd consider once a month sexless too.

I think this is really unfair.

I think it is really unfair to have to be guilt-ed into having sex when you really don't want to.

WHo gets to "win?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We co-sleep but it doesn't have to affect your sex life. Put the kids to sleep and then go down and do it on the couch!

Or the guest room, or the floor, or shower or wherever. Then co-sleep.

I really don't see co-sleeping as a barrier to sex. By the time I hit the bed I'm ready to sleep, not rumble. My DH knows this and we always try to get it on earlier. Of course there are always those days when we're both home w/o kids for some reason -- that's an automatic.

Also -- quickie blow jobs in the morning in the bathroom. Depends on how old your kids are, but mine are busy in their rooms getting ready and a bj seriously takes less than 5 minutes.

I like sex to take more than 5 minutes, and can't imagine getting him off when he can't reciprocate. Of course, I am the higher drive spouse.

Wait, you won't give your DH a bj unless he "reciprocates?"

Yikes.

This really, really sucks. And it does not bode well for your marriage.


Yep, that's right. He won't ever reciprocate orally, so I stopped doing it for him.

I'm not sure I follow the objections raised above. Are you saying "yikes" when a wife doesn't want to give oral when her husband won't give oral? Seems totally fair to me. If he's able to get off from actual sex, why not just go with that? It's mutually enjoyable to both parties. If neither party enjoys giving oral, no need for either to subject themselves to it.

We aren't really into oral in my marriage. We've done it a handful of times, but we're both more into actual sex.

Do you hear yourself? You are depressed at the idea that marriage assumes a healthy sex life? Maybe you are right. You are depressed. Get help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We co-sleep but it doesn't have to affect your sex life. Put the kids to sleep and then go down and do it on the couch!

Or the guest room, or the floor, or shower or wherever. Then co-sleep.

I really don't see co-sleeping as a barrier to sex. By the time I hit the bed I'm ready to sleep, not rumble. My DH knows this and we always try to get it on earlier. Of course there are always those days when we're both home w/o kids for some reason -- that's an automatic.

Also -- quickie blow jobs in the morning in the bathroom. Depends on how old your kids are, but mine are busy in their rooms getting ready and a bj seriously takes less than 5 minutes.

I like sex to take more than 5 minutes, and can't imagine getting him off when he can't reciprocate. Of course, I am the higher drive spouse.

Wait, you won't give your DH a bj unless he "reciprocates?"

Yikes.

This really, really sucks. And it does not bode well for your marriage.


Yep, that's right. He won't ever reciprocate orally, so I stopped doing it for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, really. Any sex in your marriage cancels out "sexless" as a descriptor. If your husband goes and has sex with another woman just once this year, you're not going to be calling what they have a sexless relationship, are you.

I agree. How could once a month be sexless?

Anonymous wrote:We have sex once or twice a week. I would like to more often but that's the amount that works for my DH. I don't like giving BJs because then we don't have intercourse and I don't want to wait another week.

Anonymous wrote:

Sex is a completely natural and expected thing in marriage. It is un-natural to NOT have sex.

The party who exhibits normal behavior (a natural sex desire) should "win" over the party exhibiting abnormal behavior (no sex). Nobody should feel guilty for acting like a normal adult. If the other party feels guilt for his/her abnormal behavior, I find it difficult to be sympathetic.

I find this so depressing. Marriage is a contract where sex is owed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should probably add that we co-slept and one or both our kids still climb into our bed. They like to sleep next to us. It supposedly makes them feel safe.

Perfect recipe for sexless. I'd consider once a month sexless too.

I think this is really unfair.

I think it is really unfair to have to be guilt-ed into having sex when you really don't want to.

WHo gets to "win?"

Sex is a completely natural and expected thing in marriage. It is un-natural to NOT have sex.

The party who exhibits normal behavior (a natural sex desire) should "win" over the party exhibiting abnormal behavior (no sex). Nobody should feel guilty for acting like a normal adult. If the other party feels guilt for his/her abnormal behavior, I find it difficult to be sympathetic.