OP, let's be honest here.

You don't know and love this person as a friend. You know of her past and love to gossip about it. For some reason, even though you clearly don't like or care for her, you've reminded in her life.

The idea with friends is that you either stick by them because you believe in he person they truly are, despite bad decision (please see definition of friend), or you cut them loose because friends need morals and ideals that align with each other. A friend does not sit in the shadows, waiting for an opportunity to take their friend down. A friend sits in the shadows, joyful that their love, support, and time has helped bring their friend to a better place in life, despite times that were tough.

I'm not really clear on why you're feeding off the drama hat comes off this,save for the fact that you seem like a horrible person and much less than a "friend".

From what have posted, I also think you're extrapolating a little on the term "violent past". You're creating connotations and perjorative language to support the fact that you're unhappy that she's getting further ahead than you are.

I know people lie, you have a hard time outside very concrete definitions, but a one time scrap with a College boyfriend who cheated on you is completely different than a history of beating men that she is in relationships with, or getting into throwing things/violent fights repeatedly, or getting into random bar brawls. The later things I would consider a "violent past".

Maybe you've lived an ideal life, but sometimes, people are volatile together, and only in that situation. It sounds as though your friend has rebuilt herself over 10 years. And that's a long time, especially when you're looking at young adult vs. full adult.

As I see it, you probably need to look at yourself and your intentions vs. your friend. Great only looking for validation here, and I notice you're only responding to those posts. Are you a rainy weather friend? Why do you want her to fail or hurt so badly? So she needs you again?

It's her relationship. Let her deal with what is important to tell or not.

The first problem w/ this entire scenario is that you're claiming you're her friend OP.

You're just bored and trolling. No friend behaves this way.

I don't believe a thing you're saying.

dcguy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend that I know and love dearly. Years ago When she was struggling I allowed her and her children to move in with my DC and me. (We were both single moms.) She'd gotten Into some legal trouble when she attacked a guy she was dating. Things got so bad she Left the state to get away from it all. Fast forward 10 years and she's completely reinvented herself in this new state: luxury car, kid in private school (the other two off to college) and getting ready to marry an impressive guy who seems to be loaded (put her up in a fancy home).

Me and some other mutual friends were invited to her engagement party in two weeks. I asked her if she'd told him about her assault case from 10 yrs ago. She said no and was shocked I thought he should know about an 'old situation'. I said it's not the guy but the CASE he should know about in case anything comes up later on in the marriage, as I believe in TOTAL honesty in relationships-especially when the person's going to be a life partner. She said 'Well that's DONE!' and claims she doesn't remember the guy's name.

My friends and I are wondering if I/we should tell her fiancé about this when we go up for the party. It wouldn't be done AT the actual party but at some point during the weekend.

Thoughts?

Is it possible you feel your friend doesn't deserve the luxury car and the fancy house because of her past and you are trying to get her to unravel it?

Bingo. Plus it sounds like the friend is actually getting married while OP has a "Fiance" in name only. Sour grapes, bitterness, and jealousy abounds. She knows no details of the case, just wants to tell the fiance that her friend smacked someone once for cheating on her. OP wants the friend to grovel forever because she lived with her for a little while. I hope the friend catches wind of this and completely cuts OP off.

Anonymous wrote:I hate people like you, OP. You were super happy to pretend to be a good friend when she was fucked up, but the second she got it together and started doing well, you'll do anything you can to undermine and sabotage her life.

You sound bitter and insecure and jealous.

Your friend should cut you off. You are massive jerk.

This all day long. As if you are so concerned about protecting her fiancé, a total stranger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly was the "assault"? To me, there's a big difference between someone who pushes someone during a fight, and someone who beats another person with a golf club. Not that either is right, but there's a huge difference in the risk she potentially poses to someone.

Either way, though, this was ten years ago and you have no reason to believe she's been violent since, yet you still want her to bring this up to her fiance. I suspect there's more than a little jealousy going on here that she's landed the guy with lots of money, and on some level you want her to get what's coming to her, in your mind, and lose her fiance.

I really don't know all the details or the guy. It seems she went into a violent rage and started smacking him around when she caught him with another woman. I just got the call from jail asking me to pick her kids up from school. Then I went to the court and picked her up.

She smacked him when she caught him cheating on her? Bitch, please. I doubt he even pressed charges.

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend that I know and love dearly. Years ago When she was struggling I allowed her and her children to move in with my DC and me. (We were both single moms.) She'd gotten Into some legal trouble when she attacked a guy she was dating. Things got so bad she Left the state to get away from it all. Fast forward 10 years and she's completely reinvented herself in this new state: luxury car, kid in private school (the other two off to college) and getting ready to marry an impressive guy who seems to be loaded (put her up in a fancy home).

Me and some other mutual friends were invited to her engagement party in two weeks. I asked her if she'd told him about her assault case from 10 yrs ago. She said no and was shocked I thought he should know about an 'old situation'. I said it's not the guy but the CASE he should know about in case anything comes up later on in the marriage, as I believe in TOTAL honesty in relationships-especially when the person's going to be a life partner. She said 'Well that's DONE!' and claims she doesn't remember the guy's name.

My friends and I are wondering if I/we should tell her fiancé about this when we go up for the party. It wouldn't be done AT the actual party but at some point during the weekend.

Thoughts?

Is it possible you feel your friend doesn't deserve the luxury car and the fancy house because of her past and you are trying to get her to unravel it?

I haven't made it past the first page yet, but you completely suck OP. And if this is how you treat your good friend wth do you do to your enemies? Get a damn life.

You are an awful friend.

Oh FFS hes a grown man who can easily run a background check on his fiance if he wants...this is the Age of the Internet/no privacy. Its his responsibility to vet anyone he marries, not yours. If he was my son, I hope he will have taken my advice to trust but verify what anyone tells him. If he is so naive and unknowingly marries someone with a documented misdemeanor/felony well thats on him. Hard life lesson to learn.

I hope youre just a troll. If not, you sound envious and secretly wish you could dramatically reinvent your life and catch a man like your friend's. I had friends like you back when I went through something similar. They are no longer my friends...hope your friend wises up.

Before you say anything to her fiancee...remember...Karma is a bitch!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She better hope her DH doesn't have a job or family situation that requires extensive background checks on him and his wife. My DH and I have gone through several and we don't work for the government.

OP here-
Exactly!

People have a right to know who they're marrying. This could bite him in the butt someday.

And, how exactly is this YOUR business?

"My friends and I are SOOO incredibly jealous of our friens who is getting married soon. I mean, like, I'm engaged and everything, but it's been a couple years and we're living together, but he won't set a date or anything and I'm still paying all the rent. Anywho, our friend is being all uppity with her new rich man, and we know we can really bring her down a notch by telling her fiancé some sort we know. I for one am not going to sit by while she elevates herself like that when I know what she did last summer, you get what I mean?
So DCUM, don't you think I'm an evil genius with a great plan?"

Troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the friend was a guy with a domestic assault in his past about to marry some wonderful woman, would posters be giving the same advice to let bygones be bygones? http://time.com/2921491/hope-solo-women-violence/

If the guy had one episode ten years ago (where it wasn't even clear he injured someone, was convicted, etc.) and nothing since, I wouldn't be insisting that everyone know about it. Sometimes people actually do change.

I don't know about this. I mean, obviously I don't know you, PP, or what you'd say about it personally, but when I was dating a guy who revealed his ex got a restraining order against him during their divorce 5 year earlier, PLENTY of people stepped up to tell me I was taking a chance on him, that he might be fine when a relationship was casual or going along swimmingly, but there was evidence that he apparently didn't take serious relationships ending well.

She caused a scratch, and we don't even know if any kind of legal action was ever taken against her. That's a little different. I'm guessing your ex did more than just grab his ex's arm when she tried to walk away during a fight.

People do change. 10 years ago is a long time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the friend was a guy with a domestic assault in his past about to marry some wonderful woman, would posters be giving the same advice to let bygones be bygones? http://time.com/2921491/hope-solo-women-violence/

If the guy had one episode ten years ago (where it wasn't even clear he injured someone, was convicted, etc.) and nothing since, I wouldn't be insisting that everyone know about it. Sometimes people actually do change.

I don't know about this. I mean, obviously I don't know you, PP, or what you'd say about it personally, but when I was dating a guy who revealed his ex got a restraining order against him during their divorce 5 year earlier, PLENTY of people stepped up to tell me I was taking a chance on him, that he might be fine when a relationship was casual or going along swimmingly, but there was evidence that he apparently didn't take serious relationships ending well.