Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood has many "cliquey" moms that will chat briefly and be nice but will not become "friends." It makes attending functions and child's school painful. I almost have an anxiety attack every time I have to go b/c the feeling of being left out is so painful. What shall I do?

Welcome to the DC area. This is the norm. Get your revenge, if you need it, by befriending the men and let the fun begin

OMG. The frumpy, harpy, neighbor moms worst nightmare! You don't even have to talk to the men, the frumps will lose it without provocation.

Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
OP - if you're having that much anxiety over women who you say are nice and polite with you, then I think this is your issue.

I can smell crazy and needy a mile away and, no offense, I don't have time for that. If you want to hang out with them, then ask them what they are doing.

Also - People are allowed to have groups of friends. This is how society works. By creating and nurturing networks. These networks can not include everybody on the planet or it just doesn't work. This isn't being "cliquey" or "mean mom" - it's simply being friends with people you've bonded.

If you're not happy with their group, then make your own group. This is advice I give to my daughters and advice I follow myself. My "group" didn't appear out of thin air. These are friendships that I've been building for years now. You can't expect to just walk in and take a place. Maybe you could look for another mom who seems nervous or is sitting alone and go introduce yourself. Instead of blaming others for your "isolation" maybe you should take responsibility for your own social life.


This is the best advice. You are probably so focused on these women that you are ignoring the other women sitting around by themselves, wishing someone would talk to them. Go introduce yourself to one of them and go get a coffee. My kid started school as a "new kid" in a later grade, and a lot of the moms already had established friendships. Rather than try to break into their groups, I just made my own. I didn't feel I was being excluded -- there are 80 kids in my son's grade alone, so obviously I can't expect to be invited to all of their dinner parties. Feels to me like you are still in junior high wishing you can be one of the "popular" kids.

The two ladies who responded in the post I copied above are exactly who the "mean" girls are. Their justifications of poor and unkind behavior are exactly why so many mean mom clicks exist. One smells "crazy and needy" a mile away...... I'm not sure why she thinks it's appropriate to use those words together when describing a mom in want of friendship. These women go to church, volunteer, and act out something they don't live. I know we are all busy, but can anyone, especially us stay at home mothers, really justify snubbing someone because we're fine and have "our" friends? Imagine moving to another state, there's a good chance the tables would be turned. I made most of my good friends when I quit work and started having children, and we've stayed close throughout the years. All of us have brought in new people, (friends) over the years, and while some of us are closer then others, no one is ever left out of book clubs, kids parties, adult parties and moms night outings. Why are there so many moms that pretend that their lives are "just too full" to extend a friendship to another mom? It truly is high school behavior, and I don't think that hoping to be included means that you only want to be friends with "the popular" kids. And franklly in response to the first paragraph, and the mom stating that you can't expect to "walk in and take a place" I whole heartedly DISAGREE! As someone new to an area, you SHOULd be welcomed! Maybe not become close friends overnight, that takes time, but you should be welcomed into clubs, parties, etc. Just my two cents, that I learned as a young child at church, and what I try to do on a daily basis, but for those moms doing this, don't try to justify your behavior, we can see through it, and it's my hope that you'll choose to behave differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood has many "cliquey" moms that will chat briefly and be nice but will not become "friends." It makes attending functions and child's school painful. I almost have an anxiety attack every time I have to go b/c the feeling of being left out is so painful. What shall I do?

Welcome to the DC area. This is the norm. Get your revenge, if you need it, by befriending the men and let the fun begin

Anonymous wrote:LOLZ @ PP: "I can smell crazy and needy a mile away".

The irony that PP doesn't even know.

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood has many "cliquey" moms that will chat briefly and be nice but will not become "friends." It makes attending functions and child's school painful. I almost have an anxiety attack every time I have to go b/c the feeling of being left out is so painful. What shall I do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How to deal with it? Stop caring. Right now. Really. I don't mean to be rude or brusque, but speaking as someone who got this treatment from former childhood friends all the way through middle and high school, the only way to handle this situation is to tell yourself you don't give a shit. Even if it's not true right away, fake it until you make it.

The best revenge is living well. Very, very well.

Anonymous wrote:One great friend is so much better than a handful of crappy "friends."

Anonymous wrote:Blow them off. They sound juvenile and high schoolish. Create other social contact points and circles. Does your DC participate in extracurricular activities? Soccer, dance, swimming?

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood has many "cliquey" moms that will chat briefly and be nice but will not become "friends." It makes attending functions and child's school painful. I almost have an anxiety attack every time I have to go b/c the feeling of being left out is so painful. What shall I do?

Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
OP - if you're having that much anxiety over women who you say are nice and polite with you, then I think this is your issue.

I can smell crazy and needy a mile away and, no offense, I don't have time for that. If you want to hang out with them, then ask them what they are doing.

Also - People are allowed to have groups of friends. This is how society works. By creating and nurturing networks. These networks can not include everybody on the planet or it just doesn't work. This isn't being "cliquey" or "mean mom" - it's simply being friends with people you've bonded.

If you're not happy with their group, then make your own group. This is advice I give to my daughters and advice I follow myself. My "group" didn't appear out of thin air. These are friendships that I've been building for years now. You can't expect to just walk in and take a place. Maybe you could look for another mom who seems nervous or is sitting alone and go introduce yourself. Instead of blaming others for your "isolation" maybe you should take responsibility for your own social life.


This is the best advice. You are probably so focused on these women that you are ignoring the other women sitting around by themselves, wishing someone would talk to them. Go introduce yourself to one of them and go get a coffee. My kid started school as a "new kid" in a later grade, and a lot of the moms already had established friendships. Rather than try to break into their groups, I just made my own. I didn't feel I was being excluded -- there are 80 kids in my son's grade alone, so obviously I can't expect to be invited to all of their dinner parties. Feels to me like you are still in junior high wishing you can be one of the "popular" kids.

The two ladies who responded in the post I copied above are exactly who the "mean" girls are. Their justifications of poor and unkind behavior are exactly why so many mean mom clicks exist. One smells "crazy and needy" a mile away...... I'm not sure why she thinks it's appropriate to use those words together when describing a mom in want of friendship. These women go to church, volunteer, and act out something they don't live. I know we are all busy, but can anyone, especially us stay at home mothers, really justify snubbing someone because we're fine and have "our" friends? Imagine moving to another state, there's a good chance the tables would be turned. I made most of my good friends when I quit work and started having children, and we've stayed close throughout the years. All of us have brought in new people, (friends) over the years, and while some of us are closer then others, no one is ever left out of book clubs, kids parties, adult parties and moms night outings. Why are there so many moms that pretend that their lives are "just too full" to extend a friendship to another mom? It truly is high school behavior, and I don't think that hoping to be included means that you only want to be friends with "the popular" kids. And franklly in response to the first paragraph, and the mom stating that you can't expect to "walk in and take a place" I whole heartedly DISAGREE! As someone new to an area, you SHOULd be welcomed! Maybe not become close friends overnight, that takes time, but you should be welcomed into clubs, parties, etc. Just my two cents, that I learned as a young child at church, and what I try to do on a daily basis, but for those moms doing this, don't try to justify your behavior, we can see through it, and it's my hope that you'll choose to behave differently.