I do every-other. - Woman

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35, actively dating, and increasingly these days find that men don't pick up the check, at least men you meet online. There are exceptions, particularly men I've dated from European backgrounds, or aged 40+, but it seems that splitting the check, or at least alternating paying, is becoming the norm. I've always offered to split, but generally men accept it now, whereas they didn't 5 or 10 years ago.

90% of the men I've dated have been under 35, many under 30 (50%). Never split a bill or had a man expect that I pay. I also have never offered to split. Similar to another guy on this thread, I might pay once in awhile, invite the guy over for dinner, or share tickets I have and he doesn't have to pay (though he might still spring for a meal). But this probably amounts to 20% over the course of my life. I haven't actually paid for a date in years and I was in a relationship then. Perhaps its also the income disparity. I make well under 80K and most guys have had higher earnings, plus I'm a mom. My Big Law friend has had a different experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here...during the "courtship" process, I pay for all of the dates. Once dating, I'd say it's about 80/20--I pay for most of the dates and she'll chip in with a few special treats. The lines are also blurred once you've been dating for a while because of groceries/expenses/etc. I may foot the bill for a Whole Foods trip, but then she may pick up Chipotle or Happy Hour.

Should I continue to offer to split? Is that appreciated? Do I assume he'll pay- that would just make me feel like an ass.

Stop asking to split the check. I never split a check with someone I was romantically interested in. Instead I'd informally start switching off paying for the check or at least paying for some of our activities. I think it's super unromantic to split a check. I split checks with friends not potential boyfriends.

Sounds like you need to get over this notion of what you find "romantic." You're splitting a bill. Another woman over-analyzing everything.

There seems to be a real split of opinions here!

If you aren't paying, then you are the product.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been two years and my boyfriend still pays for everything.

Two years and your not married yet? You're the one who's paying.

No ring in a year? Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

I'm 35, actively dating, and increasingly these days find that men don't pick up the check, at least men you meet online. There are exceptions, particularly men I've dated from European backgrounds, or aged 40+, but it seems that splitting the check, or at least alternating paying, is becoming the norm. I've always offered to split, but generally men accept it now, whereas they didn't 5 or 10 years ago.

For as long as the woman wants to be treated like a whore.

Anonymous wrote:It's been two years and my boyfriend still pays for everything.

Two years and your not married yet? You're the one who's paying.

Anonymous wrote:It's 2015. How long do you want to cling to gender norms, and reinforce with the guy that not only do gender norms still exist, you yourself abide by them?

But this is romance and love and I want to be courted. Men and women enjoy it. Childrearing isn't 50/50 when you consider the 9 months a woman solely carries and nourishes a baby, possibly nurses, and experiences significant changes to her body. Plus, the time off from work. It's unequal and I'm ok with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here...during the "courtship" process, I pay for all of the dates. Once dating, I'd say it's about 80/20--I pay for most of the dates and she'll chip in with a few special treats. The lines are also blurred once you've been dating for a while because of groceries/expenses/etc. I may foot the bill for a Whole Foods trip, but then she may pick up Chipotle or Happy Hour.

Should I continue to offer to split? Is that appreciated? Do I assume he'll pay- that would just make me feel like an ass.

Stop asking to split the check. I never split a check with someone I was romantically interested in. Instead I'd informally start switching off paying for the check or at least paying for some of our activities. I think it's super unromantic to split a check. I split checks with friends not potential boyfriends.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. I'm married, but back when I was dating, I never felt odd when a man went to pick up the tab or like I "owed" him anything (sexual or otherwise).

+1. 31 and its never been an issue. And splitting a check is just plain tacky. I think more men would prefer a home-cooked meal anyway. Once in a relationship, I pick up the tab here and there but not 50/50. But I'm not trying to prove my independence either.

My (excellent) husband always paid. As he should. I was paying $ to have the hair yanked off my hooha, highlights, yadda yadda. Even with men paying, women probably spend more on dating due to absurd beauty standards.

And before you feminazis start flaming me, I work full time & kill it in a very male dominated industry.

Guy here. One of the most emasculating relationships I was in was when she insisted on paying a lot of the time and did not take no for an answer. And she also insisted on driving a lot of the time too. The dynamics were off and I could never get on my game.

I have no idea why it has to be this way. I suppose it's just the fact that the man pursues and courts the woman. But it just seems like both parties are more content when the man pays. It just has to be that way.

Married 9 years, and DH is still picking up the check. I get it occasionally, but he usually pays. We share finances so it really doesn't matter.