I truly don't understand this perspective. It just strikes me as a bit provincial. Don't you want your children to be independent, strike out on their own, see somewhere different from where they grew up? Why constrain them to driving distance?

Both my parents came from humble backgrounds (two different countries) but went to school *oceans* away from their parents. That was just the norm in both small countries--many people went abroad for university.

My husband also grew up abroad. While his parents settled on the East Coast, he went to the West Coast to a great university. Completely life-changing experience for him that permeates today. I stayed very close to home (TBH, largely due to my long-term boyfriend at the time), and I wish I would've ventured farther afield, for my own development and independence.

I love my young daughter fiercely (she's 3, but I occasionally look at the college board). I plan on strongly encouraging her to go away to school--CA, UK, etc. It will be hard, but I believe that she will learn a lot about herself and gain greater independence along the way, while also planting the seed of travel, experiencing different places, etc.

Of course, a lot can change before then--if she has mental health issues, or special needs, or something, we'll have to take that into consideration. But otherwise, we're pushing her out of the nest and hoping she'll feel confident enough to truly spread her wings (sorry for the cliches; partly the wine talking! ).

Ok, but again, it's not unreasonable to go to school driving distance from your parents. It is unreasonable for parents to condition their money on you living close to them.

A generation ago, before anyone went on about helicopter parents, my parents suggested this kind of geographic restriction and I agreed. They came to get me twice on very short notice -- once when I had pneumonia and once after a bad breakup. And I was able to go home for every Thanksgiving and spring break, which my friends from the other coast were not able to afford to do. I think it's reasonable. But then again, I thought it was reasonable back then too so I wasn't the kid who disagreed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are accepting money from a third party, that comes with rules. It is true of all third party money from loans to scholarships to money from the family. Part of being a adult is understanding that. There are always strings when someone else is paying the bills.

Quite frankly this is short sided and stupid. I was there and did that (and I went to a top 10 school, just not the one that was the best fit for me). End result, I never felt like I owned my college experience and did not get out of it what I could have.

+100

Anonymous wrote:If you are accepting money from a third party, that comes with rules. It is true of all third party money from loans to scholarships to money from the family. Part of being a adult is understanding that. There are always strings when someone else is paying the bills.

Part of being an adult is having your parents condition money on you staying close to them? Do you not see the irony in that position at all? Reminds me of my father-in-law, who is constantly complaining that his 30-something daughter is being immature because she doesn't seek him out for his advice often enough.

My HS senior is really wanting to go to a good college in CA. (we were surprised he was accepted). I fully admit to being uneasy.. ok scared... about having him so far away. He has some depression/anxiety. Also he will be unable to see his younger siblings very often. OTOH I admire that he feels confident enough to do it.
Anyone BTDT??

Anonymous wrote:If you are accepting money from a third party, that comes with rules. It is true of all third party money from loans to scholarships to money from the family. Part of being a adult is understanding that. There are always strings when someone else is paying the bills.

Quite frankly this is short sided and stupid. I was there and did that (and I went to a top 10 school, just not the one that was the best fit for me). End result, I never felt like I owned my college experience and did not get out of it what I could have.

Anonymous wrote:Mom of three college kids here ~. I have one overseas, one in North Carolina, one in Florida. At one point we lived about an hour from University of Florida. I saw my Gator kid at the end of some semesters and during major holidays and that's about it. You don't have to move far from home to gain independence.

+1.

One of my DCs attends school 3000 miles away but has significant family all over the state. That made the decison much easier to attend school so far away as there are so many available to watch out for DC if needed.

If you are accepting money from a third party, that comes with rules. It is true of all third party money from loans to scholarships to money from the family. Part of being a adult is understanding that. There are always strings when someone else is paying the bills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all those posters that say parents need to chill are HS students. HS students usually want to get as far away as possible -- California, Paris, London -- but when they get there and realize that home is once a year if that, they rethink it. Airplane ride is limiting to 3 times a year, and you never kw how much the fares will go up. So if the parent is paying, many say, stay in state. There are many advantages to that. You have plenty of time in grad school or later to move as far away as you want.

I think you are in Middle School. MS students often want to stay as close as possible, they are scared by the big world out there. Big bears in California, wild cowboys in Texas, a million druglords in Mexico, crazy communists in Canada. But then, when they get to HS, some of them remember "Oh, the places you'll go!" and no amount of bs will stop them.

ES -- Dr Seuss

Anonymous wrote:Three out of the four sibs in my family married someone they met in college and, at least initially, lived closer to their college than to their hometown. One who was out-of-state has since moved back to CA. I probably never will, though we have a DC who might end up there.

I joke with my Mom that her desire for our upward mobility led to our outward mobility and that maybe she should have thought ahead on that one! But I appreciated my parents' willingness to pay for OOS schools even though we lived in a state with a great public university system. That's probably a luxury they couldn't afford today, though I see my brother taking the same approach. We will too, but given HHI and only one kid, it's not a struggle for us. And, living in DC, we don't have the great state school option anyway.

+1

My daughter is going 11 hours away. It's definitely more difficult, especially since she has a younger sibling, as well as pets. She's going to have to make some compromises, i.e. both of us can't take her to school or probably visit at the same time.

I can see the point of limiting range, and I wish I had done so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It costs money to travel to and from college. I already know I can't afford for my son to fly back and forth to get to and from college. There are more than enough choices within driving distance.

Then tell him he has X dollars and he needs to figure it all out. Maybe it mans he takes a part time job on campus and pays for his transportation that way. Or hitches rides with students that have cars and live near you.

By the time he gets to college, I will feel fortunate to be able to send him to an in-state university. All of this talk about going to college far away is for people with money. His PT job on campus will go to pay for books and his other living expenses. I doubt I will be able to afford for him to live on campus.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It costs money to travel to and from college. I already know I can't afford for my son to fly back and forth to get to and from college. There are more than enough choices within driving distance.

Yes, as many posters have said, barring financial constraints and serious health issues, would you require your kid to stick around "just in case you need to reach him/her quickly" ?

No but this is reality and reality says that I don't have the money for him to fly back and forth anywhere multiple times per year. Most people don't.