OP, let's says your husband gets a new high-paying job tomorrow and starts really working hard. Gone for much of the day. Exhausted when he gets home. No energy or time to work out or even spend much time with you. You begin fight because of the stress and time spent apart. You begin to fantasize about that guy with the fun, low key job that is unmotivated, but sure is nice, interesting, artistic, and fun to be around.

Men CANNOT WIN.

19:41 back again -

I am disabled, but I do/bring in what I can. Unfortunately I AM reliant on dh for most of our needs. It's stressful for him and for me.

No, actually I don't. I do wish, however, that we had less monthly bills.

As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make a decent amount of money and support our family, and DH makes very little. I get resentful because I always thought that either he would make enough so that I could go PT, or we would have enough money to really live well. Instead, I work FT, but his hours are worse than mine, so I also do the majority of the child-related things, and we don't get to go on vacation often because I need to work so much. Its very stressful being basically the sold source of income, not something I ever thought I would do.

OP here. That's my worst fear; being depended on for our whole family's lifestyle. I strongly expect my man to provide for me and take care of me financially, so it's a little strange getting used to the idea that I'll have to be the primary breadwinner.

Why?

Are you disabled in some way?

OP needs to let her husband read what she wrote then tell everyone the outcome.

OP - you said you went into non-profit because you thought you wouldn't have to worry about money??? did your husband know this? Do you think this is the 1950s? You could have worked your ass off and had savings so you could stay at home for a few years but you decided to depend on someone else before you even had someone else. You should have picked a better sugar daddy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I make my own money. Do you have a high paying career yourself?

No. But by the looks of it, I probably will have to if I want to give my children the life I envision.

Yes. Th.at is how it works.

Suck it up buttercup - you and your hubby both need to make more money to have a stable family in the DC area. And you you knew what he was making when you married him - there is no world in which you entered into marriage with a guy making $40k / yr and you thought that somehow his career trajectory would afford for you to not work and your kids to go to private school. That's nuts

Anonymous wrote:
As women who want to bear children we have a lot of responsibilities and are under a lot of physical, emotional and intellectual stress during these years. The least we can do to try to help our situation some, is by ending up with a spouse that can provide a solid financial foundation to soften the blows of the child rearing years. It is VERY HARD to be a mother AND be a breadwinner. Now, if a woman ONLY wants to devote her time to climbing the career ladder, then this argument is irrelevant.

It is equally hard to be a father and the breadwinner. Yet that is pretty much expected, especially on DCUM.
Exactly why is it so much harder as a mother than a father?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I make my own money. Do you have a high paying career yourself?

No. But by the looks of it, I probably will have to if I want to give my children the life I envision.

Why did you assume you wouldn't have to do so? I'm guessing you were born in the 1970s. I was born in the 1960s and always assumed I couldn't rely on a man for money. DH and I make about the same amount.

Oh FFS. Are you really going to make this into a generational war?

I was born in 1976, and I NEVER expected a man to support me. NEVER. In fact, I went about my life as if I wouldn't get married. I bought a house on my own. I never expected a man to provide a "lifestyle." I married for love. My husband makes about the same. When we first started dating, he made less. I didn't care what he made. He works hard and isn't lazy. I don't think I could've married someone who was lazy and apathetic. But that has nothing to do with wanting someone to provide for me -- that has to do with wanting to be with someone who believes strongly (as I do) in providing for himself and not relying on other people.

But enough with the generation bashing.

OP said 88k combined. That's not really doable for someone to stop working and have a child

I'm the opposite, in a way. I married my husband expecting to be solidly middle class and having to work, like our parents both did. Okay house, always trying to balance the budget, no vacations, but happy and content. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine being able to choose to work part time or not at all, consider private schools and have the house I live in. We look back a lot and think "how the hell did this happen?"

My point is that you really never know, and marriage is truly for better or for worse. I'm glad I didn't marry for money because I would have missed out on my husband. And I think our marriage is secure because he knows I was devoted before his career took off.

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW who is very very successful, much more successful than DH. But sometimes I wish the roles were reversed. I'm not sure why. But honestly, it is there in my brain daily even though I enjoy my success. I wish I were less shallow and more enlightened and more progressive like all the other DCUM posters.

Evolutionary psychology

OP here. That's my worst fear; being depended on for our whole family's lifestyle. I strongly expect my man to provide for me and take care of me financially, so it's a little strange getting used to the idea that I'll have to be the primary breadwinner.

Is this serious? Where are you from??

My thoughts exactly. How old is this person and where are they from????