Anonymous wrote:OP: i'm in the same situation. I'm the wife. Married a long time. Young kids. No sex or any intimacy (not even hugging) for >5 years. It's terrible. I don't love him anymore in the way that I used to and I have no idea how to go back. I wish that I could.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dawned on me today. She has good cause (although not the typical cause) but never really struck me until now. We're in therapy ostensibly to get through a couple large issues, but I think she's decided that they are close to insurmountable. Even if we get over them, I don't see a path for her to love me like she did several years back. Her couple comments about that time and before in counseling have not been inspiring or particularly misty-eyed on her part, even though we were inseparable.

Her negative body language and thinly veiled attitude of "*sigh*I have better things to do" on the few occasions we have time alone together are telling. OTOH when she comes home from seeing friends or drinks with colleagues she, her happiness is clearly evident. But the rest of the week she's oh so tired.

We may stumble through therapy so we can be comfortable that we have explored that avenue, but the best I can see coming out the other side is more well adjusted roommates and co parents to our DDs than we are now. And then divorce in a couple years on her motion rather than near the end of this year. God I hope I'm wrong.

She has a lover.

I agree, sounds like she gets her emotional and physical connection now through someone else. It's not necessarily the end, but will be difficult to win her back.

Or maybe she doesn't. I feel this way towards my DH and I've never had a lover.

Anonymous wrote:OP: i'm in the same situation. I'm the wife. Married a long time. Young kids. No sex or any intimacy (not even hugging) for >5 years. It's terrible. I don't love him anymore in the way that I used to and I have no idea how to go back. I wish that I could.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Surreal is a good word. Just at a complete loss of what to do almost, and it's not like those things I know she wants are really going to fix anything. I'd be thrilled if they did, but I think if we get there she will look up and be in the same place.

She might not even have admitted this to herself.

Why not try doing those things she wants? I know you don't think they will help, and maybe they won't, but if you want your fix your marriage as much as you say you do, isn't it worth a try? It kind of feels like you're telling yourself this as an excuse so you don't have to actually do anything differently.

OP here. I will and more. It just hit me with a ton of bricks that even if I do everything she needs/wants to be in a position to get past things, there may not be any love waiting at the end.

I'm the original surreal poster. She gave me a big wake up call with an emotional affair with a work colleague. I forgave her and started helping out more. Coincidentally my income skyrocketed (reaping what I sowed during the early years). She is still saying she is not in love with me. It's frustrating because I am willing to make any amends. It's sad that I would need to divorce and start over showering the new woman with the benefit of what I learned in the first current marriage. I've told her this. She doesn't care. So so sad. Get over it!! I am sorry. I didn't think I was that bad!

Anonymous wrote:I am going through the same thing. It is actually surreal to say the least. We had such great times and she was so in love. After three kids and life over the last ten years she has so much bottled up resentment and can only focus on the negative. So sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dawned on me today. She has good cause (although not the typical cause) but never really struck me until now. We're in therapy ostensibly to get through a couple large issues, but I think she's decided that they are close to insurmountable. Even if we get over them, I don't see a path for her to love me like she did several years back. Her couple comments about that time and before in counseling have not been inspiring or particularly misty-eyed on her part, even though we were inseparable.

Her negative body language and thinly veiled attitude of "*sigh*I have better things to do" on the few occasions we have time alone together are telling. OTOH when she comes home from seeing friends or drinks with colleagues she, her happiness is clearly evident. But the rest of the week she's oh so tired.

We may stumble through therapy so we can be comfortable that we have explored that avenue, but the best I can see coming out the other side is more well adjusted roommates and co parents to our DDs than we are now. And then divorce in a couple years on her motion rather than near the end of this year. God I hope I'm wrong.

She has a lover.

I agree, sounds like she gets her emotional and physical connection now through someone else. It's not necessarily the end, but will be difficult to win her back.

Or maybe she doesn't. I feel this way towards my DH and I've never had a lover.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dawned on me today. She has good cause (although not the typical cause) but never really struck me until now. We're in therapy ostensibly to get through a couple large issues, but I think she's decided that they are close to insurmountable. Even if we get over them, I don't see a path for her to love me like she did several years back. Her couple comments about that time and before in counseling have not been inspiring or particularly misty-eyed on her part, even though we were inseparable.

Her negative body language and thinly veiled attitude of "*sigh*I have better things to do" on the few occasions we have time alone together are telling. OTOH when she comes home from seeing friends or drinks with colleagues she, her happiness is clearly evident. But the rest of the week she's oh so tired.

We may stumble through therapy so we can be comfortable that we have explored that avenue, but the best I can see coming out the other side is more well adjusted roommates and co parents to our DDs than we are now. And then divorce in a couple years on her motion rather than near the end of this year. God I hope I'm wrong.

She has a lover.

I agree, sounds like she gets her emotional and physical connection now through someone else. It's not necessarily the end, but will be difficult to win her back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dawned on me today. She has good cause (although not the typical cause) but never really struck me until now. We're in therapy ostensibly to get through a couple large issues, but I think she's decided that they are close to insurmountable. Even if we get over them, I don't see a path for her to love me like she did several years back. Her couple comments about that time and before in counseling have not been inspiring or particularly misty-eyed on her part, even though we were inseparable.

Her negative body language and thinly veiled attitude of "*sigh*I have better things to do" on the few occasions we have time alone together are telling. OTOH when she comes home from seeing friends or drinks with colleagues she, her happiness is clearly evident. But the rest of the week she's oh so tired.

We may stumble through therapy so we can be comfortable that we have explored that avenue, but the best I can see coming out the other side is more well adjusted roommates and co parents to our DDs than we are now. And then divorce in a couple years on her motion rather than near the end of this year. God I hope I'm wrong.

She has a lover.

Anonymous wrote:Dawned on me today. She has good cause (although not the typical cause) but never really struck me until now. We're in therapy ostensibly to get through a couple large issues, but I think she's decided that they are close to insurmountable. Even if we get over them, I don't see a path for her to love me like she did several years back. Her couple comments about that time and before in counseling have not been inspiring or particularly misty-eyed on her part, even though we were inseparable.

Her negative body language and thinly veiled attitude of "*sigh*I have better things to do" on the few occasions we have time alone together are telling. OTOH when she comes home from seeing friends or drinks with colleagues she, her happiness is clearly evident. But the rest of the week she's oh so tired.

We may stumble through therapy so we can be comfortable that we have explored that avenue, but the best I can see coming out the other side is more well adjusted roommates and co parents to our DDs than we are now. And then divorce in a couple years on her motion rather than near the end of this year. God I hope I'm wrong.