[quote=Anonymous]I think this sounds pretty perfect. She is nice and warm. She doesn’t call, but answers when you do. Great. Just call her at a frequency that suits you when you genuinely want to talk. [/quote]

Agreed. If you resent calling her once a week, just call her every month or two.

I think this sounds pretty perfect. She is nice and warm. She doesn’t call, but answers when you do. Great. Just call her at a frequency that suits you when you genuinely want to talk.

Maybe because women are expected to have kids. Not knowing the true price. Years of have to. Kids are “have to”. Have to be here and there and school drama and constant need. It’s overwhelming. And then we are guilted because we find we love our kids but don’t really love your life dictated. So they grow. We get them put into the world as individual people. We don’t want to play the part anymore. That’s all. Maybe I wanna wear miniskirts and sleep with strange men. Maybe I don’t want your judging. Grandkids are your kids. Some women want to be Betty Crocker and do stuff. Some moms want to sleep with strange men and ride Harleys. Sleep with 20somethings. Wanna know that about your Mom? Naw. Didn’t think so. So maybe she’s living her life free as a bird and unburdened by your wants and needs. Moms in their 50s are still sexually actively and frankly sexy. So I mean you can keep your kids. We will see em at Christmas or if you wanna punish your mom you won’t invite her to Christmas. I liked my wild swearing Harley riding Mom. Maybe you should let her fly. Family is not everything.

Anonymous wrote:You've lost a sibling and a parent, it sucks. I don't think you've done anything wrong OP. You're not being selfish or immature. Children don't stop needing parental love just because they're adults.

Sometimes a major upheaval like death or divorce bring out the worst in people. It can destroy families. Op's mother may resent her. I would drop the rope with her Op.

Anonymous wrote:What does her reaction to your brother's death have to do with how often she calls? It sounds like you are jealous of your dead brother.

What a vile comment.

OP, after I left home my mom never called me; she thought it was the child's responsibility to call the parent. End of story. (And yes, my parents from from the US and our ancestors have been here hundreds of years. We are not recent immigrants.)
I tended to call her once a week out of obligation and to check in.

While I'm sad my mom is now gone, and miss her once in a while, it's not the deep sadness that others say they have when they miss there mom's. It's more like missing something that was never there in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:So? My mom died 14 years ago and I still miss her horribly. we didn't have a perfect relationship far from it, but I would have loved her to have seen her kids get married and meet at least 1 of her grandkids. stop acting like a baby and counting how many times she initiates calls. you said she's nice and warm.

also, can you imagine how you would feel if you lost your child? i am a mom of 2 young kids and if one of them died I would never recover. this doesn't mean i don't love the surviving child. it was hard enough losing a parent.

you need to count your blessings and cut your mom some slack. no one is perfect.

I hate posters like you. You win. You had it so bad no one else deserves to complain. You win all the cookies because you have the superior perspective.

Your situation is not ops.

np I am super sensitive about this issue ever since my relationship with my mom deteriorated 6 years ago when my 3 yo became medically complicated and SN. My therapist says I should initiate half the calls but I don't want to. Before 6 years ago, I called her on my commute because that's when I had the most time.

My parents never call me because they’re afraid that they’ll be interrupting me. They know that I have a busy life so they wait for me to call them. Instead, they email, text, and come to visit during the holidays since it’s easier for the two of them to travel to our home with plenty of space. I call them about once/week.