Anonymous wrote:OP, you are sort of fixated on the wrong things right now. It's not the trashing you or not that matters. It's the lying to you and evading your inquiries.

What you should do is decide if you want to stay married to him and try and fix the problems or not. This is your decision, not his. Hint: the problems are NOT the ones he's reported to this woman. The problem is his lying to you, his attempts to manipulate you, and his cultivating affairs. He is going to try and make you think you caused this by clipping too many coupons or whatever. Keep your eye on the ball. HE caused this by having an affair. He broke vows. You did not. It's a big problem to fix but some people do it. Are you going to be one of them?

After you've made that decision--for yourself--you proceed. Either you work to fix the problems by scheduling therapy, etc or you start working on the divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One small technicality although it does sound like there's an affair going on. Why would the coworker have to call the husband if they were together? Had they just parted and were each respectively on the way home? OP, where did your husband say he was during that evening, and did he give a reason he had not come home when he said he would and why he had not answered your calls?

I was wondering about that too. If they were together at that time, why would she need to call him? Just curious.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are sort of fixated on the wrong things right now. It's not the trashing you or not that matters. It's the lying to you and evading your inquiries.

What you should do is decide if you want to stay married to him and try and fix the problems or not. This is your decision, not his. Hint: the problems are NOT the ones he's reported to this woman. The problem is his lying to you, his attempts to manipulate you, and his cultivating affairs. He is going to try and make you think you caused this by clipping too many coupons or whatever. Keep your eye on the ball. HE caused this by having an affair. He broke vows. You did not. It's a big problem to fix but some people do it. Are you going to be one of them?

After you've made that decision--for yourself--you proceed. Either you work to fix the problems by scheduling therapy, etc or you start working on the divorce.

Anonymous wrote:One small technicality although it does sound like there's an affair going on. Why would the coworker have to call the husband if they were together? Had they just parted and were each respectively on the way home? OP, where did your husband say he was during that evening, and did he give a reason he had not come home when he said he would and why he had not answered your calls?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From OP: I found out because he didn't come home when he said - he said he was coming home for dinner around 5. I texted him, no reply at around 8:30. About 9:30 still no word. He has heart problems so I'm getting worried. I go into our phone bill online and I see hundreds of text messages between my husband and this number. I call the number. It's this woman's voice mail. i see on the computer an immediate call going to my husband. then my husband calls me and orders me not to speak with her. i said to my husband, she had better speak to me now. She calls me. she starts weeping and saying I'm not a bad person, I'm not a bad person." I said what's going on? She replies DH is a dear friend. I asked what does that mean? Then she spills that he confides in her. I said like what? And she goes on about the things in the original post and swears that they are just friends. So, since I'm getting only denials, I'm dealing with what I know are facts - that he trashes me when he's out with this woman. He says he was ignorant that it's an unspoken boundary - that no one knows that you shouldn't go around trashing your wife, that I don't socialize much and this is normal behavior.

He is having an affair or about to. He is "gaslighting" you--he will try and make you believe this is all your fault/imagination/etc. lawyer up today....

Anonymous wrote:I think he's trying to start an affair with her. He's comparing you unfavorably to her and suggesting that he's in an unhappy marriage. Which may or may not be true, but that's what he's telling her because that's what guys do when they want to justify an affair to themselves and to the prospective OW. Keep tabs on him, OP. Trouble is brewing. Hopefully she isn't interested.

Anonymous wrote:From OP: I found out because he didn't come home when he said - he said he was coming home for dinner around 5. I texted him, no reply at around 8:30. About 9:30 still no word. He has heart problems so I'm getting worried. I go into our phone bill online and I see hundreds of text messages between my husband and this number. I call the number. It's this woman's voice mail. i see on the computer an immediate call going to my husband. then my husband calls me and orders me not to speak with her. i said to my husband, she had better speak to me now. She calls me. she starts weeping and saying I'm not a bad person, I'm not a bad person." I said what's going on? She replies DH is a dear friend. I asked what does that mean? Then she spills that he confides in her. I said like what? And she goes on about the things in the original post and swears that they are just friends. So, since I'm getting only denials, I'm dealing with what I know are facts - that he trashes me when he's out with this woman. He says he was ignorant that it's an unspoken boundary - that no one knows that you shouldn't go around trashing your wife, that I don't socialize much and this is normal behavior.