Anonymous
Post 02/03/2015 21:04     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Wow. What an ass (the boyfriend, I mean). I am embarrassed for all men.

Seriously, never communicate with this guy again. Ever. Do not answer any calls, emails, texts, etc. Never, ever, never, ever talk to him again.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2015 21:01     Subject: Re:Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm so fucking done. Asshole had the nerve last night to fly into a freaking rage, punch walls, and scream at me while he ordered me around telling me I can't be pleased and no one will ever want me. Asshole. My parents are coming here tomorrow to help me sort everything out with moving out and breaking the lease (I'm humiliated) . I'm staying with my cousin until they get here.

I should've freaking trusted my instincts from the very beginning...but other people told me I was being too picky, too uptight, too anxious, too shallow, too judgmental, too conservative...and this is where it got me....

Just wanted to thank you all for your help and honest feedback...I needed to hear it..



Glad to hear you are out. Don't be around him alone ever. Work with your landlord to break the lease.

His issues are NOT your problem.


And ps, why should YOU be humiliated?? He's the loser and you're the one smart enough to get out.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2015 21:01     Subject: Re:Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Anonymous wrote:I'm so fucking done. Asshole had the nerve last night to fly into a freaking rage, punch walls, and scream at me while he ordered me around telling me I can't be pleased and no one will ever want me. Asshole. My parents are coming here tomorrow to help me sort everything out with moving out and breaking the lease (I'm humiliated) . I'm staying with my cousin until they get here.

I should've freaking trusted my instincts from the very beginning...but other people told me I was being too picky, too uptight, too anxious, too shallow, too judgmental, too conservative...and this is where it got me....

Just wanted to thank you all for your help and honest feedback...I needed to hear it..



Glad to hear you are out. Don't be around him alone ever. Work with your landlord to break the lease.

His issues are NOT your problem.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2015 20:57     Subject: Re:Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
I'm so fucking done. Asshole had the nerve last night to fly into a freaking rage, punch walls, and scream at me while he ordered me around telling me I can't be pleased and no one will ever want me. Asshole. My parents are coming here tomorrow to help me sort everything out with moving out and breaking the lease (I'm humiliated) . I'm staying with my cousin until they get here.

I should've freaking trusted my instincts from the very beginning...but other people told me I was being too picky, too uptight, too anxious, too shallow, too judgmental, too conservative...and this is where it got me....

Just wanted to thank you all for your help and honest feedback...I needed to hear it..

Anonymous
Post 02/03/2015 04:46     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Read your lease. If you are on the lease then you have obligation to pay the debt which you didn't. She's the one with damages. Stupid ass flake bpd boyfriend is going to impress a judge with his little vendetta? Boo hoo. Judges hate that shit. You will leave with nothing. What's wrong with you? Sick fuck. No wonder shes going to dump you. You need help.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 20:01     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Anonymous wrote:
She says she can't even pay the bills. What lawyer is going to represent the drug addict boyfriend to collect what? Dirty panties?


Don't need a lawyer for small claims. Surely you knew that. Idiot.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 13:47     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Anonymous wrote:

She doesn't have any assets to protect until he sues her ass and gets treble damages. Not so smart now, are you?


^^^ moron.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 12:54     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:And what is he going to do about that? She has no assets to protect, they're not married. He's a flake that can't get his act together well enough to hold down a job in the IT field, and he's possibly an addict.


She doesn't have any assets to protect until he sues her ass and gets treble damages. Not so smart now, are you?


She says she can't even pay the bills. What lawyer is going to represent the drug addict boyfriend to collect what? Dirty panties?
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 08:25     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Anonymous wrote:And what is he going to do about that? She has no assets to protect, they're not married. He's a flake that can't get his act together well enough to hold down a job in the IT field, and he's possibly an addict.


She doesn't have any assets to protect until he sues her ass and gets treble damages. Not so smart now, are you?
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 08:20     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
And what is he going to do about that? She has no assets to protect, they're not married. He's a flake that can't get his act together well enough to hold down a job in the IT field, and he's possibly an addict.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 08:13     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Anonymous wrote:
I think OP should try to insist that he leave before the end of the month, or something.


Illegally evict him? Great idea.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 05:18     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Where does 25 years old and COPD and addiction come in but he's a great guy struggling to make his way in this world and we just aren't understanding enough? Something's off in this picture.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 05:05     Subject: Re:Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Anonymous wrote:OP here...

Ok I can deal with getting a plan together to get the fuck out of here...I know it should not matter..but I'm trying to settle wtf is wrong with him....if hes doing this because hes a sociopath or addict then its humiliating he took me for a ride but lesson learned.

If he has aspergers then hes behaving this way because hes clueless and I'm a b"':& for leaving.

If he has ADHD and I leave, well I suppose Im shallow since I can't deal with it...

He has untreated COPD so by leaving now this means I dont have it in me to deal with someones health issues

Come from long line of codependents and alcoholics who stay together until death in o!d age...please help me untwist my thinking..



STOP THE ANALYSIS! Every ounce of mental energy spent on trying to diagnose him is mental energy that could be spent on you getting yourself out of there. Grow up and get your shit together.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 03:20     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
I own rentals. Really, it's in the lease how to break the lease early, and in my contract, it's a one month rent penalty. I use a boiler plate lease agreement.

If I have a tenant in financial stress, I'd rather work with them, get the place rented to a better fit than try to go after people in collections. And if I can get the place rented with no vacancy in between, it's much better for me. I've even waived a penalty when I had a situation where someone had to move and they knew people who wanted to rent the place. In other words, the tenant helped find the next suitable renter.

I think this breaking the lease thing is over-wrought. It ain't that complicated to try to work with the landlord.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 02:28     Subject: Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of good advice here. Let's summarize:

1. Cut off the cable and internet NOW.
2. Contact your landlord to set up an appointment to see what you can do.
3. Dump your therapist.
4. If you have any joint accounts or credit cards, empty and cancel them. NOW.
5. If landlord cannot work it out, break the lease. Stop worrying about your credit. You are young and will get it back. What's most important is that you get out.
6. Stop buying groceries for him.


+1 to all of this. You're making it too complicated, OP. You see all the problems really clearly, but you're trying to solve the mystery of Dude, and that is a losing game. At the end of the day, which is right now, it doesn't matter what his issues are why he's acting this way now but didn't before. It. Doesn't. Matter. What matters is that he's drained your bank account, abused your trust, and exploited your generous and well-meant offer of temporary support. He shares scary, violent dreams with you with the obvious result of intimidating and frightening you. He's lazy and dirty and defensive. Whether or what sort of issues he has that underlie all this disgusting behavior are beside the point. You can't fix him so don't even try. Invite some friends over to pack your stuff (keeping a couple in the apt. at all times to make sure he doesn't take any of your things if he's always home) and get out stat.


Guys, I agree she needs to get out of this relationship. But she is still on the hook for the entire rent amount because her name is on the lease. She can't just ditch the lease unless the landlord lets her out in writing.

Can you get HIM to move out and get a roommate to replace him?


Good point. All the the responses so far just assume that he is a violent ogre who will go nuts if she tries to kick him out. But most of OPs posts have suggested a relatively docile flake. I think the fears about the "chopping her up" dream are a little overblown. People have weird thoughts sometimes. He just sounds like an over sharing nerd who is having trouble getting his s--t together.

I think OP should try to insist that he leave before the end of the month, or something. There's a pretty good chance that he'll just leave, assuming that he has a reasonable place to go to. Could he go live with his parents? He's still pretty young. If he has nowhere to go to, then I wouldn't try this.