Anonymous wrote:Is this the same OP whose mom won't allow her to dye her hair?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your real problem with your sister? Because what she did does not "I hate this woman" ... "no love for her" ... or whatever. Your reaction to your sister is way over the top for the incident. Are you jealous of her?

I think this particular incident was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Just a little of background info so that you can understand why I am not loving my sister, I will give you one example ... a few months after we got married my husband was in an accident that left him quadriplegic. For the last five months or so DH has been in and out of hospital due to complications related to the injury, since then, this woman has been reminding me in every conversation that DH has never taken dowry to my dad(it's a tradition). I have always assured her that once DH is comfortable to travel and logistics are in place, it will be our top priority. Please don't forget we always send financial support to my dad despite the fact that most of my siblings are very wealthy and more close-by. Anyhow, about three weeks ago, I had to rush DH to the ER and as always I notified both sides of the family. When my sister called to check on us, my dad's name somehow came up on the conversation. I told her that I had spoken with dad a few days earlier and he needed money to buy medications which I had promised to send him but with the situation at hand I wasn't going to be able to send it until XX date. She went ahead to say that my dad had enough money for medication and what not, his request was just a code word for dowry. The following morning she called me again to ask me when we were planning to take dowry. I got very upset with her but I kept my cool. I reassured her once my husband got out of hospital we would see what to do, but on the same note my DH parents and my dad had their own arrangements regarding the matter. After my husband left the hospital, I called my mom and requested her to talk to my sister since she was really stressing me. From what I gather, my sister is probably worried that DH might pass before paying dowry. Please note that dowry is only about $700, we send my dad $300 about every two months. Of course there is that respect that my dad would get among his kinsmen once dowry is paid which I think is what my sister is chasing after... she probably just "feels" for my dad or something cos she won't be getting even a dime from this money. I don't go looking for pity with my current situation, I just feel like my sister has really been on my case, and she has turned from a big sister to someone who is just constantly looking to start a war.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your real problem with your sister? Because what she did does not "I hate this woman" ... "no love for her" ... or whatever. Your reaction to your sister is way over the top for the incident. Are you jealous of her?

I think this particular incident was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Just a little of background info so that you can understand why I am not loving my sister, I will give you one example ... a few months after we got married my husband was in an accident that left him quadriplegic. For the last five months or so DH has been in and out of hospital due to complications related to the injury, since then, this woman has been reminding me in every conversation that DH has never taken dowry to my dad(it's a tradition). I have always assured her that once DH is comfortable to travel and logistics are in place, it will be our top priority. Please don't forget we always send financial support to my dad despite the fact that most of my siblings are very wealthy and more close-by. Anyhow, about three weeks ago, I had to rush DH to the ER and as always I notified both sides of the family. When my sister called to check on us, my dad's name somehow came up on the conversation. I told her that I had spoken with dad a few days earlier and he needed money to buy medications which I had promised to send him but with the situation at hand I wasn't going to be able to send it until XX date. She went ahead to say that my dad had enough money for medication and what not, his request was just a code word for dowry. The following morning she called me again to ask me when we were planning to take dowry. I got very upset with her but I kept my cool. I reassured her once my husband got out of hospital we would see what to do, but on the same note my DH parents and my dad had their own arrangements regarding the matter. After my husband left the hospital, I called my mom and requested her to talk to my sister since she was really stressing me. From what I gather, my sister is probably worried that DH might pass before paying dowry. Please note that dowry is only about $700, we send my dad $300 about every two months. Of course there is that respect that my dad would get among his kinsmen once dowry is paid which I think is what my sister is chasing after... she probably just "feels" for my dad or something cos she won't be getting even a dime from this money. I don't go looking for pity with my current situation, I just feel like my sister has really been on my case, and she has turned from a big sister to someone who is just constantly looking to start a war.

Anonymous wrote:
OK, now I've read all your posts I have trouble believing this situation is real. And this is the first time I've had trouble, after years spent on this board! Are you living in the Middle Ages? Plenty of people in your country are WAY more enlightened than that, OP. If you moved to this country for a chance for a better life, then get with the whole program.

Anonymous wrote:What's your real problem with your sister? Because what she did does not "I hate this woman" ... "no love for her" ... or whatever. Your reaction to your sister is way over the top for the incident. Are you jealous of her?

Anonymous wrote:What's your real problem with your sister? Because what she did does not warrant "I hate this woman" ... "no love for her" ... or whatever. Your reaction to your sister is way over the top for the incident. Are you jealous of her?

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I appreciate the fact that everyone is trying to help and offer advice with the limited background info that I have given here. A lot of the suggestions you have offered are ideal for some situations or in an ideal world which clearly I am not part of. We have a "don't ask don't tell" unspoken policy regarding our "family business" and with that said, I have never made up stories to make it look like my parents are happily married, the same way I have never offered to tell them they are not. My in-laws know that my mom runs businesses in a few towns and she is "usually" not in our family home (thanks God for women empowerment).

Both of my parent's should be able to join the rest of the family if there is a function to welcome my inlaws because separated or not, they are both my living parents. If my mom is not there is just no point.

My brother's wife is getting involved because I had reached out to her for advice on how to handle the situation and to also help me with coordination because I needed someone who not only knows the situation at home, but also someone who can be a little impartial.

I am sure everyone who comes from a broken home always wishes things were different. God bless you who have a perfect family that has it all together, or feels no shame or worry about being judged by society

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I appreciate the fact that everyone is trying to help and offer advice with the limited background info that I have given here. A lot of the suggestions you have offered are ideal for some situations or in an ideal world which clearly I am not part of. We have a "don't ask don't tell" unspoken policy regarding our "family business" and with that said, I have never made up stories to make it look like my parents are happily married, the same way I have never offered to tell them they are not. My in-laws know that my mom runs businesses in a few towns and she is "usually" not in our family home (thanks God for women empowerment).

Both of my parent's should be able to join the rest of the family if there is a function to welcome my inlaws because separated or not, they are both my living parents. If my mom is not there is just no point.

My brother's wife is getting involved because I had reached out to her for advice on how to handle the situation and to also help me with coordination because I needed someone who not only knows the situation at home, but also someone who can be a little impartial.

I am sure everyone who comes from a broken home always wishes things were different. God bless you who have a perfect family that has it all together, or feels no shame or worry about being judged by society