Hopefully all of the 'destroy all evidence of exes as a sign of respect' people can get together and leave the rest of us who don't feel the need to pretend our lives started with marriage be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you come upon them?

It would bother me to OP.

I do not have any photos of any of my ex's because I have completely moved on from them.

If he has the pictures and feels the need to still have to hold on to them, then for some reason, he has not moved on from her 100%. I am not stating that he does not love you at all. I am simply stating that he is not completely over her.

Because trust me, when someone thing is completely over, it is completely over and nothing needs to remain.

Ridiculous. I am 'completely over' my exes, if by that phrase, you mean I don't ever plan to be intimate with them again. I am also friendly with a few of them, and I see no reason not to be, just as I see no reason not to have photos of them in my house. My spouse does not feel threatened by this in the least, and I don't feel threatened by his similar photos. I have fond memories of my previous relationships, not painful ones, since they're all so far in the past.

Agree, ridiculous! I am 110% over all of my exes. I have never, ever, gone back to an ex. Once we are done, we are done. Just because I still have photos doesn't mean I'm not. It's just my past and I want to keep my memories. Luckily, my DH is normal and it doesn't bother him, nor does his photos/love letters bother me. It's not like we pull them out and pine over them. They are packed away at the top of our closet, probably haven't touched them since we put them there 15 years ago.

110% over your ex, but just can't let go of those little momentos huh? Kind of like a security blanket...

LOL, a security blanket? You are looney.

I also have photos of old friends whom I am no longer in contact with, should I throw them out too, or is that okay?

Anonymous wrote:


110% over your ex, but just can't let go of those little momentos huh? Kind of like a security blanket...

It is not security blanket. It is moments of my life. It is men that I loved. Yes, it is over and I no longer have any feeling to those people. But all my past relations were very meaningful to me. It's like keeping a photos of your child when he was born, even thought the child is grown up. It was a precious moment of my life and i treasure it. It was a moments that made me what I am now. I was a moments that shape me into a woman I am now. I am married for over 15 years now, but I would not let it go. I have not looked at some of the photos in five years, but I know it is still there if I need it. I also keep two poetry books that my ex boyfriend published. The second book has several poems about me. It is valuable for me. It is on our bookshelf, I told my husband about it probably 8 years into our marriage, and I don't think he ever read it. But I will keep it, together with photos of my life.

I've been married twice - first marriage I was widowed. As I was cleaning out personal possessions, I found such pictures. I was bothered a great deal, and he had just passed away. It was very troubling.

However, in my second marriage, I found pictures during a move, and I wasn't bothered at all. My second husband was very good at demonstrating his devotion and attention. He made me feel very secure.

I'm the same person. Insecure one time but secure the next? It had a lot to do with how I was treated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw everything out too. Those relationships ended for a reason and I didn't need to hang on to memories of them. I also thought it was respectful to DH.

+1

How is hanging onto a picture of someone that you once dated way back when disrespectful to your dh?

I actually don't have that many pictures of myself from "back in the day". Most of the ones that I do have picture me standing next to an old boyfriend. I suppose I could keep those pics but take a pair of scissors and cut those old boyfriends out of those pictures as a sign of "respect" to dh? Uh, no. That would be kind of cray cray, doncha think?

+1. I guess we are supposed to throw out our prom pics and our college formal pics because they have exes in them. Heck, I took a once in a lifetime vaction to Greece and Italy with an ex as part of a group. I have a photo album of pics of the trip and he is about 50% of them. I guess I am supposed to throw those out to. I have been married over 20 years and pictures with an ex in them have NEVER caused an argument in our house.

I don't think anyone is threatened by prom pictures and once in a lifetime trip group pictures. I think we're talking about the couples pictures from adult relationships. But maybe that's the reason for the disagreement. I'm sure DH doesn't care about my prom date and I don't care about his. Context matters and there are a number of reasons it could be more or less bothersome. Per usual for DCUM though, many posters are only seeing things from their own perspectives and their own experiences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw everything out too. Those relationships ended for a reason and I didn't need to hang on to memories of them. I also thought it was respectful to DH.

+1

How is hanging onto a picture of someone that you once dated way back when disrespectful to your dh?

I actually don't have that many pictures of myself from "back in the day". Most of the ones that I do have picture me standing next to an old boyfriend. I suppose I could keep those pics but take a pair of scissors and cut those old boyfriends out of those pictures as a sign of "respect" to dh? Uh, no. That would be kind of cray cray, doncha think?

+1. I guess we are supposed to throw out our prom pics and our college formal pics because they have exes in them. Heck, I took a once in a lifetime vaction to Greece and Italy with an ex as part of a group. I have a photo album of pics of the trip and he is about 50% of them. I guess I am supposed to throw those out to. I have been married over 20 years and pictures with an ex in them have NEVER caused an argument in our house.

Anonymous wrote:I like those photos. They show me how young and pretty I was. Nothing to be ashamed of. It is all in the past.

Everyone has a past. It is sad you want to throw out something that does not belong to you.

Grow up!

+1,000,000. I don't understand these people who hate thinking of a partner's life before the entered stage right. Are you teaching your kids that too? I recently went through old boxes to consolidate stuff with DD, and she saw pics of DH with old girlfriends, college and school friends, etc. She's seem the same of me at my folks' place (prom photos etc., vacation pics with exes). It is a window into who we have become. No need to be insecure.

Ladies, your DH's do mind that you keep pictures of exes but they won't say anything and act like pussies because if they complain you will then accuse them of being jealous and insecure. Some women just love keeping their DH aware of their sexual past.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw everything out too. Those relationships ended for a reason and I didn't need to hang on to memories of them. I also thought it was respectful to DH.

+1

How is hanging onto a picture of someone that you once dated way back when disrespectful to your dh?

I actually don't have that many pictures of myself from "back in the day". Most of the ones that I do have picture me standing next to an old boyfriend. I suppose I could keep those pics but take a pair of scissors and cut those old boyfriends out of those pictures as a sign of "respect" to dh? Uh, no. That would be kind of cray cray, doncha think?

I don't hang on to much of anything, I'm not a "saver" and I can't stand having storage. I only save what's important to me. Those relationships were not ultimately important in the big scheme of things. I still have the memories, but I don't need physical keepsakes of them. I also don't care about having pictures of myself "back in the day". And I still have a lot of them, but they're with my friends and family - people who I'm still close with and who are still important parts of my life.

People are different, whatever. Not judging people for hanging on to them, just explaining why some people might feel differently. Several "keepers" seem a bit defensive though.

I would never throw someone else's pictures out. But I would expect my partner and best friend to be respectful of my feelings if I said they bothered me. If it's "no big deal", why hang on to them if it's hurting someone's feelings?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you come upon them?

It would bother me to OP.

I do not have any photos of any of my ex's because I have completely moved on from them.

If he has the pictures and feels the need to still have to hold on to them, then for some reason, he has not moved on from her 100%. I am not stating that he does not love you at all. I am simply stating that he is not completely over her.

Because trust me, when someone thing is completely over, it is completely over and nothing needs to remain.

Ridiculous. I am 'completely over' my exes, if by that phrase, you mean I don't ever plan to be intimate with them again. I am also friendly with a few of them, and I see no reason not to be, just as I see no reason not to have photos of them in my house. My spouse does not feel threatened by this in the least, and I don't feel threatened by his similar photos. I have fond memories of my previous relationships, not painful ones, since they're all so far in the past.

Agree, ridiculous! I am 110% over all of my exes. I have never, ever, gone back to an ex. Once we are done, we are done. Just because I still have photos doesn't mean I'm not. It's just my past and I want to keep my memories. Luckily, my DH is normal and it doesn't bother him, nor does his photos/love letters bother me. It's not like we pull them out and pine over them. They are packed away at the top of our closet, probably haven't touched them since we put them there 15 years ago.

110% over your ex, but just can't let go of those little momentos huh? Kind of like a security blanket...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw everything out too. Those relationships ended for a reason and I didn't need to hang on to memories of them. I also thought it was respectful to DH.

+1

How is hanging onto a picture of someone that you once dated way back when disrespectful to your dh?

I actually don't have that many pictures of myself from "back in the day". Most of the ones that I do have picture me standing next to an old boyfriend. I suppose I could keep those pics but take a pair of scissors and cut those old boyfriends out of those pictures as a sign of "respect" to dh? Uh, no. That would be kind of cray cray, doncha think?

Anonymous wrote:OP, when I broke up with my college boyfriend, he kept a teaching video from my student teaching semester. Don't know why he wouldn't return it. I'm counting on his wife having thrown it away, along with everything else that belonged to me. It creeped me out knowing he had my things, especially that video. Maybe your husband's ex-girlfriend feels the same?

hopefully he just couldn't find the video and didn't want to fess up to that.
One of my exes had borrowed some letters that has a little bit of historical value and proceeded to "lose" them and I know he has them.

Anonymous wrote:I've kept an expensive Swiss watch and a diamond ring my ex gave me in 1995. They are like 8K combined - why would I get rid of them?

Golddigger!

If my man had pictures of his ex I would punish him severely for this. I am his woman and I give him 100% and I take 110% from him!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you come upon them?

It would bother me to OP.

I do not have any photos of any of my ex's because I have completely moved on from them.

If he has the pictures and feels the need to still have to hold on to them, then for some reason, he has not moved on from her 100%. I am not stating that he does not love you at all. I am simply stating that he is not completely over her.

Because trust me, when someone thing is completely over, it is completely over and nothing needs to remain.

Ridiculous. I am 'completely over' my exes, if by that phrase, you mean I don't ever plan to be intimate with them again. I am also friendly with a few of them, and I see no reason not to be, just as I see no reason not to have photos of them in my house. My spouse does not feel threatened by this in the least, and I don't feel threatened by his similar photos. I have fond memories of my previous relationships, not painful ones, since they're all so far in the past.

Agree, ridiculous! I am 110% over all of my exes. I have never, ever, gone back to an ex. Once we are done, we are done. Just because I still have photos doesn't mean I'm not. It's just my past and I want to keep my memories. Luckily, my DH is normal and it doesn't bother him, nor does his photos/love letters bother me. It's not like we pull them out and pine over them. They are packed away at the top of our closet, probably haven't touched them since we put them there 15 years ago.