Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

No, expensive junk is not ok either if you are having it every day. If you have a fancy dessert - once in a while - as part of a celebratory meal, you are associating it as a treat. It is then savored and anticipated, and there is no guilt or negative emotion attached to it.

If cupcakes and ice cream is available at home, your child will eat that as snack whenever they are hungry. It is not fair to put the burden on the kid to have the discipline to choose healthy foods at home when junk is readily available at home. As parents, we are responsible to make available the healthy choices to our kids at home. When you are ordering a dessert in a restaurant, it is not an everyday occurrence. And, because your kids are eating healthy and nutritious food most of the times, an occasional decadent treat, is not going to harm them.

A warm brownie with a side of icecream, whipped cream and cherry on top at the restaurant becomes the treat that my kids can enjoy and savor as a dining out experience. If it is available at home at all times, I am sure they would not want to snack on fruits and veggies. In fact, by associating desserts with celebrations means that there are very positive connotations associated with these foods - but my kids know that this is not a staple food - it is in the category of an occasional treat.

Look, I'm not defending MIL. But she's family, and family *does* mean something. Do you really want to be this rude (and mean) to family? Is that teaching? And this isn't about whether someone is or was overweight - this is about an inappropriate comment regardless of the topic or the truth. In my house, we say, "That's a mean thing to say. Be kind. What can you say that's nice?".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Furthermore, my children have always been explicitly allowed to be rude to any adult who comments negatively on their weight and appearance. I teach them that people like that aren't worth politeness or manners so they are free to be as rude as they like.

Rather than encourage rudeness why not cultivate healthy eating habits so that they don't end up part of the obesity problem in this country ...... assuming they are not already fat.

We are all thin as reeds. Even if we weren't, I don't teach my children healthy eating habits for the approval of random adults. I teach them, among other things, that their bodies are theirs, and anyone who comments on their bodies or appearance without explicit invitation is intruding upon their privacy. Unwanted commentary on other people's bodies is as bad as unwanted physical contact. Do you think that rules of good behavior are suspended just because you're dealing with children? Are you going to tell your adult friends or relatives that they will turn to fatties if they eat something? No? Then what makes you think it's OK to do this to children?

Our basic rule is "any adult who comments negatively on your body or face is an asshole. We do not concern ourselves with being polite to assholes." People who cross their boundaries should be put firmly in their place.

I love this. As a kid people made all kind of comments about my face and my body (weight and height) and my parents just sat there and said nothing. I thought that none of my accomplishments and good qualities were worth anything because I was overweight - that clouded the straight As, college, everything. It was like I had this big cloud hanging over my head. I remember when I was 25 I visited a relative I hadn't seen in years. She said, "wow, you look great. We all used to talk and say you would never lose the weight, but you did..." The crazy thing is that I was always tall and physically active - I am just a bigger person. I was overweight, but not morbidly obese or anything. When people make comments about my daughter (she's too skinny, apparently) I shut them down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Furthermore, my children have always been explicitly allowed to be rude to any adult who comments negatively on their weight and appearance. I teach them that people like that aren't worth politeness or manners so they are free to be as rude as they like.

Rather than encourage rudeness why not cultivate healthy eating habits so that they don't end up part of the obesity problem in this country ...... assuming they are not already fat.

We are all thin as reeds. Even if we weren't, I don't teach my children healthy eating habits for the approval of random adults. I teach them, among other things, that their bodies are theirs, and anyone who comments on their bodies or appearance without explicit invitation is intruding upon their privacy. Unwanted commentary on other people's bodies is as bad as unwanted physical contact. Do you think that rules of good behavior are suspended just because you're dealing with children? Are you going to tell your adult friends or relatives that they will turn to fatties if they eat something? No? Then what makes you think it's OK to do this to children?

Our basic rule is "any adult who comments negatively on your body or face is an asshole. We do not concern ourselves with being polite to assholes." People who cross their boundaries should be put firmly in their place.

Anonymous wrote:Furthermore, my children have always been explicitly allowed to be rude to any adult who comments negatively on their weight and appearance. I teach them that people like that aren't worth politeness or manners so they are free to be as rude as they like.

Rather than encourage rudeness why not cultivate healthy eating habits so that they don't end up part of the obesity problem in this country ...... assuming they are not already fat.

Of course it's always easy in retrospect to think about what you could have said or should have said -- but ideally, I would have liked to have said to MIL "IN our family, we think that the most important thing is to stay active. How about if the two of you go and do something active after she finishes her snack? You could go for a walk."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Furthermore, my children have always been explicitly allowed to be rude to any adult who comments negatively on their weight and appearance. I teach them that people like that aren't worth politeness or manners so they are free to be as rude as they like.

Disgusting way to raise children. You should be ashamed of yourself.

No one is pining for your approval, you know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I really want to know how to handle this myself; We barely ever have junk food in the house, but that is causing my dd to go beserk when she gets any junk at her friend's or grandma's or wherever;
I try to get her to exercise portion control but she doesnt "get it" despite many explanations of why something is bad for health. Also she has a tendency to put on weight rather quickly! What do i do what do i do??

We do not get any junk food at home - no cookies, soda, fruit juice, chips/cheetos, whipped cream, icecream, cupcakes, buttery croissant etc.

My kids eat a lot of fruits everyday in lieu of dessert at home. For special occasions (festivals, holidays, restaurants) - they are allowed to eat what ever dessert they want to eat, after they have their dinner. This allows them to not see dessert as something that they have to have every day, but it certainly is part of a celebratory meal.

The trick is to get them to view junk food as a treat that happens once in a while. Not something that is part of their daily diet.

Totally agree with your approach. It is how we raised our children and now that they are adults they thank us for having taught them healthy dietary habits. They are not overweight and have a sense of well-being.

Anonymous wrote:Furthermore, my children have always been explicitly allowed to be rude to any adult who comments negatively on their weight and appearance. I teach them that people like that aren't worth politeness or manners so they are free to be as rude as they like.

Disgusting way to raise children. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Furthermore, my children have always been explicitly allowed to be rude to any adult who comments negatively on their weight and appearance. I teach them that people like that aren't worth politeness or manners so they are free to be as rude as they like.

My children and I have eaten a piece of dark chocolate each every single day for the last god knows how many years. We have homemade dessert at least once a week. We are all thin as reeds. I pity your kids if dessert is something they only have five times a year. It's not dessert that makes you fat, it's what you put into your mouth the rest of the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

Anonymous wrote:As someone who suffered from a serious eating disorder for more than 15 years, I would be LIVID if someone made a similar comment to my child. Telling a child they are going to turn into a fatty if they use whipped cream does not come from a place of caring. It is not sound diet or health advice. That comment was loaded with guilt, shame and fear and it is unacceptable to foist that on a young girl.

I totally agree. Sorry you had to go through an eating disorder.

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?