Anonymous wrote:Why can't anyone on here spell judgment correctly? It is clear you are all American English speakers, not Anglo. I realize I sound like a harpy but this just strikes me as weird at how frequently I see this misspelling, especially in a city full of attorneys.

OP - I agree with a PP who said it is on you and your spouse to make the accommodations as much as possible in these settings. Your friends do sound somewhat pissy but I think they just didn't know what it would entail, and were taken aback. It also strikes me that there may be a dynamic in this couple that one may be more anti-child than the other and there is some need for the more child-friendly one to show solidarity. My two cents, which is probably not very useful anyway.

Anonymous wrote:I get it.

When I used to hang out with my childless friends and my kids were younger, I got the same reactions too.

They just didn't get it when I was always late and they had to wait for me. Or why my kids were cranky if we did something during their nap times, etc.

I think it's best to hang out with families at this time or if you do socialize with these friends, it is best to do so only on a limited basis.

Anonymous wrote:Why can't anyone on here spell judgment correctly? It is clear you are all American English speakers, not Anglo. I realize I sound like a harpy but this just strikes me as weird at how frequently I see this misspelling, especially in a city full of attorneys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They seem judgemental because they are ashamed they are barren. Try to draw up some sympathy.

OP did not say this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - obviously should've been more specific. We actually haven't forced our friends to do anything. We have left restaurants by ourselves, done our own meals mostly, and handled naptime alone while everyone does their thing. It's really mostly just that the friends are grumpy and judgmental about us not hanging out with then as much as we would have pre-kid, and make comments (totally serious) about how we should use Benadryl to put her to sleep (we're going through a tough sleep phase) or would never take their future children to a restaurant or on a plane until they are 5). They are especially judgy when she is cranky and demanding (ever met a 2 year old who isn't somewhat demanding?) but she's also been really sweet and fun a lot of the trip. Yes. She cries sometimes. But we aren't sharing a room or house and we've never let it get to the point where it ruins a meal (at least the few we've had together.) "Making an effort" in my original post refers to suggesting things that would accommodate both of our schedules/situations or simply giving a sympathetic look or trying to help out if we are having a tough time.

I get it from their perspective - just a new experience I was sharing and venting about since I haven't traveled with childless friends since DD came along. We did do a weeklong trip with friends with kids this year which was far less stressful. I just really think folks with kids are going to be naturally more in tune with the flow and flexibility you need when vacationing with a child. Don't think that should be too controversial.

We might be reading too much into it as well - we are both the type to bend over backwards to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy and just might feel awkward that we have to pay attention to something other than our friends during the trip.

And had they tried to help you would still be complaining about them doing that wrong.

People tend to be blind to their own child's behavior so you saying it wasn't that bad means little. This is true of people with children as well.

Seems to me you went into this with the wrong attitude.

It's not on your friends to assist in your daughters tantrums.
They are not her parents or her babysitter.

Now is a good time for you to learn you don't get to be catered to by everyone because you've got a child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose idea was it?

Ours. Does that change anything?

I guess only if you misrepresented your family's needs at all.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - obviously should've been more specific. We actually haven't forced our friends to do anything. We have left restaurants by ourselves, done our own meals mostly, and handled naptime alone while everyone does their thing. It's really mostly just that the friends are grumpy and judgmental about us not hanging out with then as much as we would have pre-kid, and make comments (totally serious) about how we should use Benadryl to put her to sleep (we're going through a tough sleep phase) or would never take their future children to a restaurant or on a plane until they are 5). They are especially judgy when she is cranky and demanding (ever met a 2 year old who isn't somewhat demanding?) but she's also been really sweet and fun a lot of the trip. Yes. She cries sometimes. But we aren't sharing a room or house and we've never let it get to the point where it ruins a meal (at least the few we've had together.) "Making an effort" in my original post refers to suggesting things that would accommodate both of our schedules/situations or simply giving a sympathetic look or trying to help out if we are having a tough time.

I get it from their perspective - just a new experience I was sharing and venting about since I haven't traveled with childless friends since DD came along. We did do a weeklong trip with friends with kids this year which was far less stressful. I just really think folks with kids are going to be naturally more in tune with the flow and flexibility you need when vacationing with a child. Don't think that should be too controversial.

We might be reading too much into it as well - we are both the type to bend over backwards to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy and just might feel awkward that we have to pay attention to something other than our friends during the trip.