Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are considering leaving our inheritance to Charity because my brother is a *(CK Up. And my parents always believe everything should be equal between us. Why should I have to suffer because of his actions. Would you be upset?

Very much so. I wouldn't lift a finger to help them in their old age so they could use their precious money to fend for themselves, and they'd have none to leave to charity.

This is not charity but spite and horrendous parenting.

It's not your fault that your brother is a screwup.

Er, trying to force your parents to run through their money so there's nothing left for charity is the definition of spiteful. You sound like a lovely person.

Not leaving money to a child who hasn't learned to take care of themselves is not horrendous parenting, and treating all children equally even if it's not "fair" is also not horrendous parenting. If they leave money to you and not your brother, that could easily be the end of your relationship. Would you rather have money than your brother?

I'm the poster you're quoting and, frankly, I couldn't give a flip about what you think of me.

Re. the issue and the bolded part: That's not the horrendous parenting part. The horrendous parenting part is lumping the children together. One is a screw up and leaving him zero money is fine. Why should the other child suffer for her brother's mistakes? It's totally not fair.

You bet your last red cent I would never darken my parents' door again if they pulled shit like that with me. Thank goodness they are not that kind of people who would pull something like this (at least, not my Mum, and the man who sired me would be homeless without her) and I don't have a screw up brother.

I would not do that to my children. I wonder if OP's parents harbor resentment towards OP for the brother-placing blame. If the parents left $ to OP and the brother with specific distribution schedules including any current or future grandchildren then I don't see a problem. If OP has kids and the brother doesn't they could leave $ based on number of kids. I know a relative and spouse who are childless and spoke about leaving $ to a specific charity. Unfairly that relative absconded with family heirlooms that never hit the estate or estate sale...it makes me sick.

I told my parents they were free to do whatever they wanted with their money. They gave me a wonderful childhood, paid for college and my wedding. They have always been generous gift givers. I don't feel entitled to another cent.

Anonymous wrote:They are considering leaving our inheritance to Charity because my brother is a *(CK Up. And my parents always believe everything should be equal between us. Why should I have to suffer because of his actions. Would you be upset?

It's their money and they do whatever they wish. It isn't your money, dear greedy daughter.

Honestly, the idea that my parents' money is "my inheritance" is so alien to me that I can't even respond to your post.

Do you also consider your money to belong to your kids? How do you justify spending anything on yourself?

Anonymous wrote:I think you mean their money.

It is not your inheritance. It is their money.

No kidding.

Anonymous wrote:I'm human, of course it would bother me. But, at the same time I think I would realize it's their choice. But, sure, it would bother me. It would also bother me my parents are sort of blackmailing me and my brother: basically they are saying to your brother, straighten up or we are going to screw you and your sister. Wait, I think I might be more pissed by the manipulation.

+1 Your parents don't sound so great and are using their money to control their adult kids. Not so great for family relationships.

The decent thing to do would be to put their money into trusts for their grandkids. DH's parents can't disown us even if they want to... not with family money at least.

I think you mean their money.

It is not your inheritance. It is their money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents die and do not leave a will, the estate gets divided among the closest kin (along with the tax man). Right? That means the children.

The parents can opt to will their estate to other people or to a charity if they want to. But they would have to actively disinherit their kids by writing a will to exclude them from inheriting anything. That's the part that just seems..hurtful.

I'm trying to think of reasons why I would actively disinherit my own kids if they were reasonably responsible and our relationship was not very bad. And I really can't come up with much.

Rarely. You have to have a really big estate (around $11 million for a couple) before you start to have any tax issues.

Many states, including Maryland, have inheritance tax.

You can get around the ~11 million limit by putting the rest in trusts then it's not considered part of the estate so you can escape the estate tax. Ask Mitt Romney.

I'm human, of course it would bother me. But, at the same time I think I would realize it's their choice. But, sure, it would bother me. It would also bother me my parents are sort of blackmailing me and my brother: basically they are saying to your brother, straighten up or we are going to screw you and your sister. Wait, I think I might be more pissed by the manipulation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents die and do not leave a will, the estate gets divided among the closest kin (along with the tax man). Right? That means the children.

The parents can opt to will their estate to other people or to a charity if they want to. But they would have to actively disinherit their kids by writing a will to exclude them from inheriting anything. That's the part that just seems..hurtful.

I'm trying to think of reasons why I would actively disinherit my own kids if they were reasonably responsible and our relationship was not very bad. And I really can't come up with much.

Rarely. You have to have a really big estate (around $11 million for a couple) before you start to have any tax issues.

Many states, including Maryland, have inheritance tax.

My sister thought marrying into family money meant one day getting some of it. So she kissed her in law's butts, was made honorary daughter, became the favorite child all the while wishing and hoping her in laws would die. There was nothing she wouldn't do for them. Including snubbing her own family.

Then FIL died, MIL was diagnosed with diabetes, had both legs amputated, ended up in a nursing home, family riches gone to pay that including the sale of the home, MIL still alive after all these years, sister's husband had multiple affairs, they divorced, sister now in a run down apartment in a bad part of town broke as hell with no family to help. She too thought she was entitled to an inheritance. She thought wrong.

Giving it all away to charity isn't the only way to keep things equal between you & your brother. They could still provide you both with trusts but have them managed by a respected wealth manager. Or the PP's suggestion of it going into a trust for the grandkids.

Anonymous wrote:It's not your inheritance. It's their assets.

And it could be worse: they could leave the bulk of their estate or even everything to the screw-up sibling, to "provide" for him. I've seen it happen.

I think it depends on the situation. Why is the sibling screwed up? Is he/she suffering from mental/physical illness and has limited ability to work and provide for themselves. Or does he/she blow money on stupid things that he/she doesn't need and then claim poor mouth every time an emergency expense comes up (they can afford a salon makeover - hair, make up, mani/pedi but can not afford a new tire for their car). Or is he/she seriously in deep with drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.

Details matter.

It's not your inheritance. It's their assets.

And it could be worse: they could leave the bulk of their estate or even everything to the screw-up sibling, to "provide" for him. I've seen it happen.

I come from a country where the core inheritance can only go to the children, by law. Parents may give some of it to other individuals or institutions, but not the entirety.

I would be dreadfully upset, of course! Why are they punishing you? The solution, as PPs have said, is a trust fund.