I find it really annoying that some women don't change their name. How am I supposed to know that you didn't change your name?

Anonymous wrote:I try to respect my friends who kept their maiden name, unless their and their husband's names are too long to fit on one line, i.e., Jane Smith and John Doe easily turns into the "Smith/Doe Family" or the "Smith-Doe Family". If you are "Larla McDonald and Larlo Barfstein" I will shorten you to "the 'McBarfstein' Family". Haters going to hate, but this looks so much nicer:

The "McBarfstein" Family
123 Main Street
Anytown USA

than this:

The McDonald/
Barfstein Family
123 Main St.
Anytown, USA

It looks nicer to you but as a "Larla McDonald" I'd rather get the second version, regardless of how it looks. I understand that it works for you but do you think anyone else is really paying attention to how it looks on the envelope?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always write "Jane and John Doe". I figure that even if you're not Jane Doe, I'm still correct?

I only write "Jane Smith and John Doe" on my unmarried, living together friends cards.

Nope.

I think this is correct. Technically her name isn't next to the last name, it's just avoiding using her last name?

What's your family name if you don't hyphenate or take your DH's last name? Smith Family and Jane Doe?

OMG, seriously, are you this dense? The family name would be "The Smith & Doe Family." They are one family with multiple last names. It's really not rocket science. Why would it be Hislastname Family with her as an outlier? They are one family.

exactly. They are one family. But if 3 of them have the family last name and she has her married last name, it's not really Smith & Doe Family.

I assume the women who don't take their DH's last name don't monogram? Or buy thing that say "Smith Family"? There's never enough room for the huge hyphenation or ampersand.

Seriously, do people even monogram anymore? Can't imagine this being a concern at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AH, I totally get it. I would be frustrated by that too. What can I say? Casual sexism is alive and well and built into our patriarchal society. At least you know you are fighting the good fight

Yep. This is why we decided to give our kid my last name and not DH's. Enough with these assumptions. Naming traditions are rooted in pretty nasty history of women being akin to property - which isn't to say that changing your name is weak or makes you property. Take DH's name, hyphenate, keep yours, whatever you want. But it's a personal choice and that choice should be respected.

We did this, too! You're the only other one I've encountered on DCUM. Let's be friends.

OK! (Were you kidding?) (Was I just scary?)

Totally wasn't kidding. I need more awesome mom friends.

To the both of you -- when you name your child with the mother's last name, the normal American world thinks that your husband is the child's stepfather or if it's obvious that your husband is the child's father, we think you are not married. It's not misogynistic, it's just our culture. Pat yourself on the back, but the average person a going to assume divorce or illegitimate child. Congrats on your stand against society.

I try to respect my friends who kept their maiden name, unless their and their husband's names are too long to fit on one line, i.e., Jane Smith and John Doe easily turns into the "Smith/Doe Family" or the "Smith-Doe Family". If you are "Larla McDonald and Larlo Barfstein" I will shorten you to "the 'McBarfstein' Family". Haters going to hate, but this looks so much nicer:

The "McBarfstein" Family
123 Main Street
Anytown USA

than this:

The McDonald/
Barfstein Family
123 Main St.
Anytown, USA

If I had married Mr. Larlo Barfstein, I also would have kept my last name.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AH, I totally get it. I would be frustrated by that too. What can I say? Casual sexism is alive and well and built into our patriarchal society. At least you know you are fighting the good fight

Yep. This is why we decided to give our kid my last name and not DH's. Enough with these assumptions. Naming traditions are rooted in pretty nasty history of women being akin to property - which isn't to say that changing your name is weak or makes you property. Take DH's name, hyphenate, keep yours, whatever you want. But it's a personal choice and that choice should be respected.

We did this, too! You're the only other one I've encountered on DCUM. Let's be friends.

OK! (Were you kidding?) (Was I just scary?)

Totally wasn't kidding. I need more awesome mom friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always write "Jane and John Doe". I figure that even if you're not Jane Doe, I'm still correct?

I only write "Jane Smith and John Doe" on my unmarried, living together friends cards.

Nope.

I think this is correct. Technically her name isn't next to the last name, it's just avoiding using her last name?

What's your family name if you don't hyphenate or take your DH's last name? Smith Family and Jane Doe?

OMG, seriously, are you this dense? The family name would be "The Smith & Doe Family." They are one family with multiple last names. It's really not rocket science. Why would it be Hislastname Family with her as an outlier? They are one family.

exactly. They are one family. But if 3 of them have the family last name and she has her married last name, it's not really Smith & Doe Family.

I assume the women who don't take their DH's last name don't monogram? Or buy thing that say "Smith Family"? There's never enough room for the huge hyphenation or ampersand.

Haha, no, neither of us have ever monogram. Seems like a bizarre thing to do, but I guess we just come from backgrounds where it's not a thing. Christmas Cards at TinyPrints were a bit of a challenge this year, because some of the formats did not allow enough space to type "Orange & Pumpkin Family", but I found one that did and I managed. We've even had "Orange & Pumpkin Family" ornaments made. It's not as easy if we shared one last name, but I can't imagine it's any more work than going through life as a righty rather than a lefty. We are one family, but family members have different names. It's no different, really, than the fact that most families have people with different first names, some with same first names, and then with different last names in extended family. People know who family is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always write "Jane and John Doe". I figure that even if you're not Jane Doe, I'm still correct?

I only write "Jane Smith and John Doe" on my unmarried, living together friends cards.

Nope.

I think this is correct. Technically her name isn't next to the last name, it's just avoiding using her last name?

What's your family name if you don't hyphenate or take your DH's last name? Smith Family and Jane Doe?

OMG, seriously, are you this dense? The family name would be "The Smith & Doe Family." They are one family with multiple last names. It's really not rocket science. Why would it be Hislastname Family with her as an outlier? They are one family.

exactly. They are one family. But if 3 of them have the family last name and she has her married last name, it's not really Smith & Doe Family.

I assume the women who don't take their DH's last name don't monogram? Or buy thing that say "Smith Family"? There's never enough room for the huge hyphenation or ampersand.

hahaha!!! No, I do not monogram or buy things that say the "Smith Family." But I'd consider something that said the "Smith-Jones" Family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always write "Jane and John Doe". I figure that even if you're not Jane Doe, I'm still correct?

I only write "Jane Smith and John Doe" on my unmarried, living together friends cards.

Nope.

I think this is correct. Technically her name isn't next to the last name, it's just avoiding using her last name?

What's your family name if you don't hyphenate or take your DH's last name? Smith Family and Jane Doe?

OMG, seriously, are you this dense? The family name would be "The Smith & Doe Family." They are one family with multiple last names. It's really not rocket science. Why would it be Hislastname Family with her as an outlier? They are one family.

exactly. They are one family. But if 3 of them have the family last name and she has her married last name, it's not really Smith & Doe Family.

I assume the women who don't take their DH's last name don't monogram? Or buy thing that say "Smith Family"? There's never enough room for the huge hyphenation or ampersand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AH, I totally get it. I would be frustrated by that too. What can I say? Casual sexism is alive and well and built into our patriarchal society. At least you know you are fighting the good fight

Yep. This is why we decided to give our kid my last name and not DH's. Enough with these assumptions. Naming traditions are rooted in pretty nasty history of women being akin to property - which isn't to say that changing your name is weak or makes you property. Take DH's name, hyphenate, keep yours, whatever you want. But it's a personal choice and that choice should be respected.

We did this, too! You're the only other one I've encountered on DCUM. Let's be friends.

OK! (Were you kidding?) (Was I just scary?)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AH, I totally get it. I would be frustrated by that too. What can I say? Casual sexism is alive and well and built into our patriarchal society. At least you know you are fighting the good fight

Yep. This is why we decided to give our kid my last name and not DH's. Enough with these assumptions. Naming traditions are rooted in pretty nasty history of women being akin to property - which isn't to say that changing your name is weak or makes you property. Take DH's name, hyphenate, keep yours, whatever you want. But it's a personal choice and that choice should be respected.

X2 to both these comments!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always write "Jane and John Doe". I figure that even if you're not Jane Doe, I'm still correct?

I only write "Jane Smith and John Doe" on my unmarried, living together friends cards.

Nope.

I think this is correct. Technically her name isn't next to the last name, it's just avoiding using her last name?

What's your family name if you don't hyphenate or take your DH's last name? Smith Family and Jane Doe?

OMG, seriously, are you this dense? The family name would be "The Smith & Doe Family." They are one family with multiple last names. It's really not rocket science. Why would it be Hislastname Family with her as an outlier? They are one family.

^ Crazy train

This is why I just say Dick & Jane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's something as simple as I knew you as Larla Charles. You married Larlo Smith. There was no public declaration of your feminist preferences, so when we sent you a wedding gift, we were swept up in the excitement of your nuptials and addressed your gift (amd updated our address book) to Mr. and Mrs. Larlo Smith, because technically, that is socially correct.

My point is, it probably is not malicious. And unless you have taken 30 seconds to politely correct someone, you don't get to complain.

Signed, A prideful wife who goes by Mrs. HisLastName

Tee hee! Thanks for a good laugh, you prideful wife you.

Overlyproud Rude Person,

Presumably Larla and Larlo wrote you a thank you note for your wedding gift. Presumably, in the return address of that thank you note, they used the names that they prefer to be called. At that point, you should have updated your address book to reflect their names. I always presume that people keep their names unless I am told otherwise.

If they did not thank you in writing for your gift and you have received no other correspondence from them, the error is unintentional and the rudeness is theirs.

Signed,

Ms. Married Woman Who Respects Her Identity And Kept Her Name