Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we get back to the topic? I'm a SAHM, and I'm interested to know what it's like for other SAHMs that have gone back to work. (I'm not OP.)

Does every thread have to derail to SAHM vs. WM? Hold the judgment.

i refuse to read all of the post on this thread, but this one i'd love to address.

i was a SAHM for 5 years, loved the first 2 and hated the next 3. when my kids were 5 and 3, i went back to work for the Federal Government, full time, GS13. it is FLIPPING AWESOME. i love working, i feel so much more accomplished and good about myself. i love the social aspect of my job. i also like a lot of components of my job - some of it sucks, some if it i am not awesome at, but others parts of it i LOVE and am really good at. i also have amazing bosses and decent coworkers.

so, in some, going back to work (not for financial reasons, DH makes a lot of $) for me was all about working and feeling good about it.

How did you manage to get a job with the Federal Gov't after 5 years?

Anonymous wrote:Can we get back to the topic? I'm a SAHM, and I'm interested to know what it's like for other SAHMs that have gone back to work. (I'm not OP.)

Does every thread have to derail to SAHM vs. WM? Hold the judgment.

i refuse to read all of the post on this thread, but this one i'd love to address.

i was a SAHM for 5 years, loved the first 2 and hated the next 3. when my kids were 5 and 3, i went back to work for the Federal Government, full time, GS13. it is FLIPPING AWESOME. i love working, i feel so much more accomplished and good about myself. i love the social aspect of my job. i also like a lot of components of my job - some of it sucks, some if it i am not awesome at, but others parts of it i LOVE and am really good at. i also have amazing bosses and decent coworkers.

so, in some, going back to work (not for financial reasons, DH makes a lot of $) for me was all about working and feeling good about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This, PP! I cannot believe women, smart women do not realize how freaking risky it is to be a SAHM. I am the poster who's 51, with five girl friends going through horrific divorces. It is so, so short sighted to stay home beyond a short period of time and it is incredibly stupid to not take one's self seriously enough to make sure you have a plan to get back into the workforce once your kids are a bit older (i.e. retrain or new degree, etc.).

I am incredibly lucky. I did the SAHM thing for five years. But I also kept my certification valid, worked on professional development, went to conferences, and eventually went back and my career is fine. In fact, it is great. My friends who are going through divorces are all good, smart women. Their marriages weren't the strongest (obvi), but from an outside perspective, things really went downhill when the time came for them to look into working again and they just weren't ready for prime time. Their frustration, boredom, and angst manifested itself. The husbands clearly checked out and the whole mom does everything and is all knowing and dad works thing just sets the stage for affairs, checking out, and just leaving.

These women should have protected themselves. I'm not saying working would have saved their marriages. I am definitely saying their lives would have been easier now if they had taken the time to invest in themselves and their own worth by keeping their careers at least viable.

How do you know which SAHMS are keeping up with their certifications, etcetera? There seems to be a lot of sweeping judgements on here .
Frankly I don't care , it is no ones business that I have a trust that I get annual income from , for example , and am not at all worried about finances since its more than my husbands income ( and it's just interest , not touching principal ) but since I say nothing about it I realize the assumptions people may make about me

Your lack of professional success is showing - this is totally incoherent.

You know you've struck a nerve on DCUM when your grammar and sentence structure is attacked . Typing on an iPhone laying on a couch while watching my kids play outside .
You got my point

Look I'm just going to ignore much of the ridiculousness of this thread and say that it's hard to find something as fulfilling, if you're well suited to it, as taking care of your children all day long. I have been a SAHM and am now going back to work because my youngest has started kindergarten. I am excited about the new direction I'm taking. I am trying to find psychologically rewarding work in lieu of more financially rewarding work (I know some people have both! But for me and my particular training this is my trade off) because I can prioritize the one over the other and that's what I hope will make being back easier and set me on a new path. I don't care about my job being prestigious or important to anyone else. My point is...I can imagine this happening to many people since it's almost like having to leave a job you like. And for those calling it a gravy train...well...I do think I was lucky to have been able to spend the first five years with my two kids home taking care of them! I enjoyed it, was rewarded by it, found it fulfilling. There was nothing else I'd rather have been doing. I find it hard to understand why it's a paid position when handed over to someone else, but "freeloading" when done by a mom or dad, but then again, whatever! No crap judgement any random stranger could throw at me will change the fact that I got to spend all those hours, days, years with my precious children.

You just need to find a job that you like more, that you find more rewarding, but also maybe accept that nothing might completely compare to your best days staying home...but that's okay! At least you got to do it when you did! For me it's important that I feel reasonably good at my job and feel like I'm making a difference...but there will still sometimes be down stretches you just have to weather. Best wishes!

OP here. Thank you for the good advice. I was not offended by anyone except the person that called me foolish or that my bubble burst. I don't want to get specific about my circumstances but he/she really jumped to conclusions. This was in no way intended to start a WOHM vs. SAHM battle. I am burnt out. I have worked harder than anyone I know to get back in the workforce at a professional level after being out for some time. As a SAHM my heart was in the work, so I never burnt out, no matter how difficult the day. I think I just need a new job. Thanks again everyone!

There are so many assumptions and judgements here about SAHMs that are simplistic and untrue. Women and men choose to stay at home for a variety of reasons.

OP is unhappy back at work and wanted to hear from other women similarly situated. I'm still a SAHM, so I don't have any advice yet, but I'm going to school so I can go back to work in a couple of years. I don't know what that makes me in the eyes of the DCUM posse, but I do know that there's a lot more to my life that meets the eye, and no, I'm not about to share any of it here on an anonymous board.

OP, you've gotten some good advice here, perhaps not sympathy, but that's hard to find on DCUM, especially on mommy warring threads like this.

Best of luck to you finding a more comfortable situation. I will be working in a couple years and going through a painful transition I'm sure. It can't be easy working when you want to be at home with kids. Some women and men are more suited to staying at home with kids. I'm not, but that's another story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. These are my friends. I know the struggles they are going through and I know the mistakes that they made because they told me them selves.

I didn't mean you and your friends specifically, I just was referring to the General feelings towards SAHM's and am asking how on earth anyone would know if someone was networking and staying in their field , such as yourself for 5 years , versus the helpless, about to be divorced poor pathetic mom that is characterized on these boards

English please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This, PP! I cannot believe women, smart women do not realize how freaking risky it is to be a SAHM. I am the poster who's 51, with five girl friends going through horrific divorces. It is so, so short sighted to stay home beyond a short period of time and it is incredibly stupid to not take one's self seriously enough to make sure you have a plan to get back into the workforce once your kids are a bit older (i.e. retrain or new degree, etc.).

I am incredibly lucky. I did the SAHM thing for five years. But I also kept my certification valid, worked on professional development, went to conferences, and eventually went back and my career is fine. In fact, it is great. My friends who are going through divorces are all good, smart women. Their marriages weren't the strongest (obvi), but from an outside perspective, things really went downhill when the time came for them to look into working again and they just weren't ready for prime time. Their frustration, boredom, and angst manifested itself. The husbands clearly checked out and the whole mom does everything and is all knowing and dad works thing just sets the stage for affairs, checking out, and just leaving.

These women should have protected themselves. I'm not saying working would have saved their marriages. I am definitely saying their lives would have been easier now if they had taken the time to invest in themselves and their own worth by keeping their careers at least viable.

How do you know which SAHMS are keeping up with their certifications, etcetera? There seems to be a lot of sweeping judgements on here .
Frankly I don't care , it is no ones business that I have a trust that I get annual income from , for example , and am not at all worried about finances since its more than my husbands income ( and it's just interest , not touching principal ) but since I say nothing about it I realize the assumptions people may make about me

Your lack of professional success is showing - this is totally incoherent.

Anonymous



Let's all take a moment to read the thread in off topic about the man who bashed a hole in the wall and cried on the phone with his wife when he has to take care of 3 school age children by himself ( after school and after a part time many left )
And then come back and tell me Sahms don't contribute a valued service unless they work

That thread says nothing about SAHMs and their "service". It's all about a pathetic man who can't manage to take care of his own children while his wife is traveling for work. He's the idiot there. Working doesn't excuse one from parenting. Ask any WOHM.

Anonymous wrote:PP. These are my friends. I know the struggles they are going through and I know the mistakes that they made because they told me them selves.

I didn't mean you and your friends specifically, I just was referring to the General feelings towards SAHM's and am asking how on earth anyone would know if someone was networking and staying in their field , such as yourself for 5 years , versus the helpless, about to be divorced poor pathetic mom that is characterized on these boards

That is an excellent plan I think every stay at home mom should should get a truck son as soon as they can.

PP. These are my friends. I know the struggles they are going through and I know the mistakes that they made because they told me them selves.

Anonymous wrote:This, PP! I cannot believe women, smart women do not realize how freaking risky it is to be a SAHM. I am the poster who's 51, with five girl friends going through horrific divorces. It is so, so short sighted to stay home beyond a short period of time and it is incredibly stupid to not take one's self seriously enough to make sure you have a plan to get back into the workforce once your kids are a bit older (i.e. retrain or new degree, etc.).

I am incredibly lucky. I did the SAHM thing for five years. But I also kept my certification valid, worked on professional development, went to conferences, and eventually went back and my career is fine. In fact, it is great. My friends who are going through divorces are all good, smart women. Their marriages weren't the strongest (obvi), but from an outside perspective, things really went downhill when the time came for them to look into working again and they just weren't ready for prime time. Their frustration, boredom, and angst manifested itself. The husbands clearly checked out and the whole mom does everything and is all knowing and dad works thing just sets the stage for affairs, checking out, and just leaving.

These women should have protected themselves. I'm not saying working would have saved their marriages. I am definitely saying their lives would have been easier now if they had taken the time to invest in themselves and their own worth by keeping their careers at least viable.

How do you know which SAHMS are keeping up with their certifications, etcetera? There seems to be a lot of sweeping judgements on here .
Frankly I don't care , it is no ones business that I have a trust that I get annual income from , for example , and am not at all worried about finances since its more than my husbands income ( and it's just interest , not touching principal ) but since I say nothing about it I realize the assumptions people may make about me

This, PP! I cannot believe women, smart women do not realize how freaking risky it is to be a SAHM. I am the poster who's 51, with five girl friends going through horrific divorces. It is so, so short sighted to stay home beyond a short period of time and it is incredibly stupid to not take one's self seriously enough to make sure you have a plan to get back into the workforce once your kids are a bit older (i.e. retrain or new degree, etc.).

I am incredibly lucky. I did the SAHM thing for five years. But I also kept my certification valid, worked on professional development, went to conferences, and eventually went back and my career is fine. In fact, it is great. My friends who are going through divorces are all good, smart women. Their marriages weren't the strongest (obvi), but from an outside perspective, things really went downhill when the time came for them to look into working again and they just weren't ready for prime time. Their frustration, boredom, and angst manifested itself. The husbands clearly checked out and the whole mom does everything and is all knowing and dad works thing just sets the stage for affairs, checking out, and just leaving.

These women should have protected themselves. I'm not saying working would have saved their marriages. I am definitely saying their lives would have been easier now if they had taken the time to invest in themselves and their own worth by keeping their careers at least viable.

Anonymous wrote:Let's all take a moment to read the thread in off topic about the man who bashed a hole in the wall and cried on the phone with his wife when he has to take care of 3 school age children by himself ( after school and after a part time many left )
And then come back and tell me Sahms don't contribute a valued service unless they work

It can be a valued service all day long, and it doesn't change the fact that I when my ex ditched us, my happy SAHM ass was up the creek.