Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 14:47     Subject: Re:What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Anonymous wrote:I would give anything to have my sweet little family back. I would make sure that I hugged my kids every day and told them that I loved them. I probably did, but I'm not sure now. I would have put my job LAST- I would LEAN OUT ( yep, Sheryl Sandberg, you are dead wrong...) I would make sure that our finances were better by never going into debt except for our house. I would do more with my parents and included them in things more. I would have stopped thinking about the future and would have been more mindful about the present.


My kids are adults now- living their own lives. My Mom died and my father is dying. It all happened so fast it seems. It really is so few years that that you have in this wonderful chaotic circus..and then...it stops.


Amen! Yes. I WAH (about to turn 45 next month). I love being there for my boys (now 6.5 and 9) before and after school.

It gets MUCH easier. I was sad to see baby/toddler stage go--but this stage us even more fun with less work and more sleep!!

Workout whenever you can. Wear sunscreen. I have worked out 5-6 days my whole life and I have no joint or muscle pain and don't feel any different physically. I had a 30-year old in my boot camp ask me how old I was when she overheard I had a 9-year old and she was in shock and awe and told me she thought I was her age. But-I workout primarily for mental health and to keep up with my active boys.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Cut out the drama and hi-maintenance negative people the best you can. Try to enjoy and really savor the moments with your kids--/but don't worry if it's just about getting through the day sometimes when they are tiny.

Be kind, love hard, have empathy and kindness.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 13:39     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Anonymous wrote:

Private school isn't worth it unless your kid needs extra support. (We did private school.) Save the money for a top college.

.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 13:31     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
To my 35-year-old self:
This Thanksgiving is the last time you will ever see your mother. Don't fight. Be a thoughtful, loving daughter because she will be dead before Christmas.

You will -- surprise!-- have a kid by the time you are 38, and it will be the absolute best thing and the hardest thing ever, especially because you will end up raising her alone. It will get easier once she hits age 4 , but watch out for age 13, when she will become possessed, but slowly revert to her more lovable self without the need for an exorcism by the time she is 17.

Even though you have virtually no extra cash for many years, continue to funnel as much as possible to retirement (even if maxed out will never be in your vocabulary) and start doing automatic contributions to a 529 plan BEFORE she hits middle school.

Do not eat all the Goldfish crackers and Teddy Grahams every night after she finally goes to sleep as a reward for getting through the day because you will end up 30 pounds heavier in 20 years.

It all goes by so, so fast even though there are excutiatingly long minutes and hours that tick by on those cold, rainy Saturdays when she gets up at 5:45 a.m. and you cannot deal with one more game of Candyland or you will scream.

You will be 55 and have absolutely no idea how it happened because weren't you just 35?
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 13:11     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
I would tell myself that parenting is stressful but there's a better way to parent and it doesn't have to be this hard. I would tell myself to swallow my pride and get to a therapist.

I wished I'd done this at 35. I waited to get into therapy until my 40s and lost some valuable time int he process. I wish I could rewind and do it over knowing what I've learned since being in therapy. So worth it!
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 13:04     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Yes to so much of this!

Max out the 401(k) so that retirement can be a reality.

A mentally unstable man isn't worth the drama.

Private school isn't worth it unless your kid needs extra support. (We did private school.) Save the money for a top college.

Each phase of your children's' lives is different, but still wonderful.

Sunblock!

You are your child's parent, not his or her BFF. It's usually a thankless job. But, our 16-year-old, who had a few rough patches, has actually thanked us several times for setting expectations and boundaries.

Have family dinners as many nights a week as you can. It will get crazy with all the extra-curriculars, but do your best to squeeze these in.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 11:03     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Anonymous wrote:Today is my 35th birthday. I am going to resolve to max out that 401k, lost that pesky 25 pounds and make more quality time for my kids.


Happy birthday! Good for you. Promise you will thank us in 15 years!
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 10:22     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Today is my 35th birthday. I am going to resolve to max out that 401k, lost that pesky 25 pounds and make more quality time for my kids.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2014 10:36     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It will get MUCH easier when the kids get a little older and don't need be watched every single second. Even then, it will seem like they will be little forever; but one day you will blink and they'll be big kids, and you'll wonder how you will survive without the babies who needed you so much. Then they'll turn into charming and intelligent people who will be so much more fun than little kids, and you'll wish they could stick around forever while you start planning to help them leave.

If you are working full time, keep in mind that they may start to need you more in the afternoons when they hit middle school.

Oh, and you will lose the extra pounds when you have a little more time for yourself. Don't worry about it and buy some nice things to wear in the meantime.


Crying reading this. 35 and holding my sleeping DC2. I already feel like I can't believe how fast his babyhood has gone.

But your post (and my sweet DC1) gives me hope - just don't know how I can handle not ever doing this hard but rewarding baby stuff again. I really don't know what I will do when I'm an empty nester. I didn't expect to find motherhood to be so amazing and so much better than my career or hobbies ever were.



Two boys
Let me also give you hope as those sweet babies get older. I have teenagers and I love them! They are truly great kids, and they each hug me every day. We actually talk at dinner almost every night. They've had annoying phases, sure, but they've been short lived. It just gets better and better.


Very nice to hear. Do you have teenage sons or daughters and what are their ages?
My sons age 11 and 13 are very sweet. I think they will be pretty good teens but who knows.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2014 12:14     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
If you have options, leave the 60 hour a week job NOW if you have kids. If you aren't looking NOW it won't happen. It's not too late NOW but before you know it it will be.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2014 08:24     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and realized between working, dealing with two small children (an infant and toddler), dealing with money stress that involves the massive cost of a growing family and living in the DC area and just thought I'd love to have a conversation with my 55 year old empty nested self. Since time travel is impossible, I'm asking you all. What would you tell your younger self, who is mired in the small children, sleep deprived phase of life about life?

Does it get better?


Yeah it gets way better. I don't even remember what those days felt like. I have an 11 yr old and 15yr old. This is what I would tell my 35 yr old self.

1) max out your 401K

2) save save save.

3) buy a small shit shack in a great school district

4) don't worry what everyone else has.

5) private schools are only worth the money if your child has specific learning differences that cannot be addressed in public. Otherwise save your money

6) everyone has their "share of shit". All those perfect families you see walking around, its all a facade. They all have SOMETHING going on in their family that they don't want anyone to know about.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2014 13:28     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It will get MUCH easier when the kids get a little older and don't need be watched every single second. Even then, it will seem like they will be little forever; but one day you will blink and they'll be big kids, and you'll wonder how you will survive without the babies who needed you so much. Then they'll turn into charming and intelligent people who will be so much more fun than little kids, and you'll wish they could stick around forever while you start planning to help them leave.

If you are working full time, keep in mind that they may start to need you more in the afternoons when they hit middle school.

Oh, and you will lose the extra pounds when you have a little more time for yourself. Don't worry about it and buy some nice things to wear in the meantime.


Crying reading this. 35 and holding my sleeping DC2. I already feel like I can't believe how fast his babyhood has gone.

But your post (and my sweet DC1) gives me hope - just don't know how I can handle not ever doing this hard but rewarding baby stuff again. I really don't know what I will do when I'm an empty nester. I didn't expect to find motherhood to be so amazing and so much better than my career or hobbies ever were.



Let me also give you hope as those sweet babies get older. I have teenagers and I love them! They are truly great kids, and they each hug me every day. We actually talk at dinner almost every night. They've had annoying phases, sure, but they've been short lived. It just gets better and better.


Very nice to hear. Do you have teenage sons or daughters and what are their ages?
My sons age 11 and 13 are very sweet. I think they will be pretty good teens but who knows.


My kids are also pretty great kids, 12 and 14. And they are and always have been so much fun. I remember feeling so sad and wistful when our youngest decided that he was no longer a baby at only 9 months of age! He had been watching his older brother and was ready to be a big boy himself. Time does fly. So fast.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2014 13:23     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Personally, I would tell myself, "Do not get pregnant with this loser! He is mentally unstable and will make your life hell. Divorce him now and get on with life."
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2014 13:15     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It will get MUCH easier when the kids get a little older and don't need be watched every single second. Even then, it will seem like they will be little forever; but one day you will blink and they'll be big kids, and you'll wonder how you will survive without the babies who needed you so much. Then they'll turn into charming and intelligent people who will be so much more fun than little kids, and you'll wish they could stick around forever while you start planning to help them leave.

If you are working full time, keep in mind that they may start to need you more in the afternoons when they hit middle school.

Oh, and you will lose the extra pounds when you have a little more time for yourself. Don't worry about it and buy some nice things to wear in the meantime.


Crying reading this. 35 and holding my sleeping DC2. I already feel like I can't believe how fast his babyhood has gone.

But your post (and my sweet DC1) gives me hope - just don't know how I can handle not ever doing this hard but rewarding baby stuff again. I really don't know what I will do when I'm an empty nester. I didn't expect to find motherhood to be so amazing and so much better than my career or hobbies ever were.



Let me also give you hope as those sweet babies get older. I have teenagers and I love them! They are truly great kids, and they each hug me every day. We actually talk at dinner almost every night. They've had annoying phases, sure, but they've been short lived. It just gets better and better.


Very nice to hear. Do you have teenage sons or daughters and what are their ages?
My sons age 11 and 13 are very sweet. I think they will be pretty good teens but who knows.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2014 16:30     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:1. Teach your children discipline, more difficult to practice than it seems, but it makes the later years so much easier when your children are honest, self reliant, and have a good moral compass, because the trouble they can get into is so much more serious when they are older.

2. Save save save - they still cost a mint in the later years when you are trying to save for retirement!


Yes...and enjoy your beauty.


Agree with this 100%. Take care of yourself now and it makes a big difference when you hit 50. Losing 10lbs at 35 is so much easier than 10 at 50. Take your vitamins and get some exercise it pays off when your 50. Your children are important but it is actually more important to take care of yourself so you can take care of them and not the other way around.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2014 10:05     Subject: What would you tell your 35 year old self?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It will get MUCH easier when the kids get a little older and don't need be watched every single second. Even then, it will seem like they will be little forever; but one day you will blink and they'll be big kids, and you'll wonder how you will survive without the babies who needed you so much. Then they'll turn into charming and intelligent people who will be so much more fun than little kids, and you'll wish they could stick around forever while you start planning to help them leave.

If you are working full time, keep in mind that they may start to need you more in the afternoons when they hit middle school.

Oh, and you will lose the extra pounds when you have a little more time for yourself. Don't worry about it and buy some nice things to wear in the meantime.


Crying reading this. 35 and holding my sleeping DC2. I already feel like I can't believe how fast his babyhood has gone.

But your post (and my sweet DC1) gives me hope - just don't know how I can handle not ever doing this hard but rewarding baby stuff again. I really don't know what I will do when I'm an empty nester. I didn't expect to find motherhood to be so amazing and so much better than my career or hobbies ever were.



Let me also give you hope as those sweet babies get older. I have teenagers and I love them! They are truly great kids, and they each hug me every day. We actually talk at dinner almost every night. They've had annoying phases, sure, but they've been short lived. It just gets better and better.