Anonymous wrote:Good discussions on who is the default parents when one spouse has such a demanding career.

I just found what prompt the original post to be ridiculous. Really, neither of you wants to buy Christmas presents for your son? I love buying Christmas presents now that I have a child. I look for interesting things for him all season long.
That is not a hardship at all. I will delegate all other jobs but not this one.

The husband can buy his own mother a gift, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^IDK, the big law wives I know, are well aware of the tradeoffs. But we married our DHs before they were big law and love them nonetheless.

And you understand that you are the default parent, right? OP does not. She wants her cake and to eat it too.

She wants her cake and to eat it too...how? I think she's asking for a fair division of labor, which she shouldn't have to ASK for because he should be doing as much as she does by default. Poor lawyer, he works too hard = baloney. I've known a lot of wily lawyers who make their jobs work for them. I'm certain he could do the same. Well, okay, not certain, but woe-is-me sob stories about the pressures of truly cushy jobs do not garner much sympathy from me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the DW with an insane job and my husband is the one with a sane job but not a ton of flexibility. Our kids are 5 and 8 and in school full time. To make it work we have a very reliable nanny/housekeeper who works 50 hours a week and is 100% in charge of the house. Before the kids were in school full time we also had a cleaning service. Honestly, that resolved 90% of our issues. I have a tendency to "organize" the kids' lives and my husband is more the implementer. We also make sure we have a pediatrician who keeps hours on Saturday so all medical appt can be on the weekends. Peapod is our friend, and the rest we just work out on a case-by case basis. For example, Christmas present buying consists of a bottle wine after the kids go to bed and me on the computer and DH on the laptop as we figure out what to get them from Amazon and Toys R Us. We don't go to the stores to shop b/c it isn't fun or efficient. We wrap presents together late one night and catch-up on our day. I actually look forward to it. We also reevaluate our life on a regular basis to figure out if it s right for us. I can see myself stepping way back career wise in 4 or so years to be more physically present when the kids go through their teenage years.

There is no right or wrong answer, but remember you are going through some really tough parenting years. Keep lines of communication open, outsource everything house related, and look at the big picture.

What is DW?

Divorced Wife?

Anonymous wrote:I am the DW with an insane job and my husband is the one with a sane job but not a ton of flexibility. Our kids are 5 and 8 and in school full time. To make it work we have a very reliable nanny/housekeeper who works 50 hours a week and is 100% in charge of the house. Before the kids were in school full time we also had a cleaning service. Honestly, that resolved 90% of our issues. I have a tendency to "organize" the kids' lives and my husband is more the implementer. We also make sure we have a pediatrician who keeps hours on Saturday so all medical appt can be on the weekends. Peapod is our friend, and the rest we just work out on a case-by case basis. For example, Christmas present buying consists of a bottle wine after the kids go to bed and me on the computer and DH on the laptop as we figure out what to get them from Amazon and Toys R Us. We don't go to the stores to shop b/c it isn't fun or efficient. We wrap presents together late one night and catch-up on our day. I actually look forward to it. We also reevaluate our life on a regular basis to figure out if it s right for us. I can see myself stepping way back career wise in 4 or so years to be more physically present when the kids go through their teenage years.

There is no right or wrong answer, but remember you are going through some really tough parenting years. Keep lines of communication open, outsource everything house related, and look at the big picture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^IDK, the big law wives I know, are well aware of the tradeoffs. But we married our DHs before they were big law and love them nonetheless.

And you understand that you are the default parent, right? OP does not. She wants her cake and to eat it too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is is why I SAH--so that there is always one of us available to make sure the kids are covered. On any given day, my DH can cover kid appointments/emergencies/activities, he just can't do it (on weekdays) with the regularity required when you have kids.

That being said, he does the majority of the kid stuff when he is home and has done about half of the Christmas shopping for the kids (Amazon makes it pretty easy).

This is also a big part of why I became a SAHM. Five years later, though, I'm really missing my career and want to go back to work, except the process of getting back into my old field while also being the default parent and having a biglaw partner husband who doesn't have a lot of flexibility is daunting at best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^IDK, the big law wives I know, are well aware of the tradeoffs. But we married our DHs before they were big law and love them nonetheless.

And you understand that you are the default parent, right? OP does not. She wants her cake and to eat it too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^IDK, the big law wives I know, are well aware of the tradeoffs. But we married our DHs before they were big law and love them nonetheless.

And you understand that you are the default parent, right? OP does not. She wants her cake and to eat it too.

Anonymous wrote:^^IDK, the big law wives I know, are well aware of the tradeoffs. But we married our DHs before they were big law and love them nonetheless.