Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work

At work also.

If you chose a good guy that cares about you, the rest will fall into place.

I met mine in college and this is completely true. My DH loves and respects me. He wants me to be happy and does things for the family out of a place of love. We has never been selfish or superficial. When it comes to husbands, I've won the jackpot.

College is a great place to find a husband. You never will be around such a variety of smart, attractive, eligible people around your age with free time ever again.

Yep, I married a college friend. I think knowing who DH was as part of a group of college friends told me a lot about him before matters ever turned romantic.

The short answer to the general question, though: I married a very kind feminist guy. At heart he believes in sharing household and family matters equally. Figuring out the details can get complicated, but having that starting point helps a ton.

Met in grad school. He is Midwestern, and that is the way to go. Midwestern men are generally sweet, calm, responsible, polite, and family-oriented. I recommend!

The other thing I did was, starting at 25, started being very up-front that I wanted to have kids in my early 30s. Lots of men ran for the hills, and those who remained were of higher quality. I was very disciplined about not wasting time dating people who were incompatible with me, treated me badly, or didn't want a family.

Other key factors:
Says he wants kids and is happy to discuss the topic.
Is conscientious and responsible, yet easygoing and flexible.
Doesn't need much sleep-- this is key!
Not a slacker professionally, but not trying to become a Cabinet secretary or anything.
Basic cooking and home maintenance skills. Able to manage the basics of life with plenty of time left over.
Enjoys nieces and nephews, and takes family responsibilities seriously. Eg, calls home regularly, visits old people in the nursing home, that kind of thing.

Perhaps on a dating website.

Maybe you can specify prior to meeting someone in person how important family is to you.

Are there any family-specific dating websites available?

Or how about some church groups? Or single parent meet up groups?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work

At work also.

If you chose a good guy that cares about you, the rest will fall into place.

I met mine in college and this is completely true. My DH loves and respects me. He wants me to be happy and does things for the family out of a place of love. We has never been selfish or superficial. When it comes to husbands, I've won the jackpot.

College is a great place to find a husband. You never will be around such a variety of smart, attractive, eligible people around your age with free time ever again.

Hehe. It's a buffet at that. Not too many looking to get hitched at that age though. You might meet someone wonderful for down the road..

Very true. Most of us who met at college waited 4-6 years to get married.

Same here. Met when we were 20 and juniors and got married 6 years later. Together now 20 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work

At work also.

If you chose a good guy that cares about you, the rest will fall into place.

I met mine in college and this is completely true. My DH loves and respects me. He wants me to be happy and does things for the family out of a place of love. We has never been selfish or superficial. When it comes to husbands, I've won the jackpot.

College is a great place to find a husband. You never will be around such a variety of smart, attractive, eligible people around your age with free time ever again.

Hehe. It's a buffet at that. Not too many looking to get hitched at that age though. You might meet someone wonderful for down the road..

Very true. Most of us who met at college waited 4-6 years to get married.

I know lots of people who were friends in college but didn't date. Right around 25-27, they started pairing off and getting married.

We met doing community service in college. We also talked a lot about what we wanted, so we knew we were aligned in wanting to have 2-3 kids (# still TBD, but 1 off is close enough).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work

At work also.

If you chose a good guy that cares about you, the rest will fall into place.

I met mine in college and this is completely true. My DH loves and respects me. He wants me to be happy and does things for the family out of a place of love. We has never been selfish or superficial. When it comes to husbands, I've won the jackpot.

College is a great place to find a husband. You never will be around such a variety of smart, attractive, eligible people around your age with free time ever again.

Hehe. It's a buffet at that. Not too many looking to get hitched at that age though. You might meet someone wonderful for down the road..

Very true. Most of us who met at college waited 4-6 years to get married.

Anonymous wrote:I find that children of divorce are much more gunshy about marriage in general. I dated that "good guy" folks are talking about. Was a locksmith. Dated four years and he never moved toward marriage. Still not married at 47. One thing that kept coming up was the pain from his parents' divorce and subsequent romantic relationships.

I can see that, but in my case, I think understanding what my Dad did - cheating on my Mom & leaving the family - makes me more focused on ensuring that my family comes first. He was selfish and now he seems lonely. (The woman he left us for cheated on him & left him for another guy. Shocker.)

Work, through friends, volunteering, bars (really), book groups...just keep putting yourself out there. Strike up friendships and hang out with people that you like and be patient. Mr. Right usually doesn't come riding in bare chested like Fabio. The real thing takes a little time but it is so worth it.

Church

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work

At work also.

If you chose a good guy that cares about you, the rest will fall into place.

I met mine in college and this is completely true. My DH loves and respects me. He wants me to be happy and does things for the family out of a place of love. We has never been selfish or superficial. When it comes to husbands, I've won the jackpot.

College is a great place to find a husband. You never will be around such a variety of smart, attractive, eligible people around your age with free time ever again.

Hehe. It's a buffet at that. Not too many looking to get hitched at that age though. You might meet someone wonderful for down the road..

I find that children of divorce are much more gunshy about marriage in general. I dated that "good guy" folks are talking about. Was a locksmith. Dated four years and he never moved toward marriage. Still not married at 47. One thing that kept coming up was the pain from his parents' divorce and subsequent romantic relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm my experience, family oriented guys don't have careers, they have jobs. When I left my law firm for a federal government,mother managing partner has me how I thought the move fit into my career plan, but I made the move because it fit into my family plan. My father had a career, I want to have a family.

It is hard to have a career and keep family a high priority. After 2 years clerking, 6 years as an associate and 5 years as a partner, I realispzed that I could not be the father And husband I wanted to be and have a "career".

Yea. Because you went into law. Many of us work in other fields and have a successful career and family life.

My DH is in sales and brings home a mid six figure income and works exclusively from home and only leaves the house to go on sales calls. He coaches travel sports ( was a D1 player) and gets the kids off the bus each day because I work out of the home. He could never do this as any sort of attorney. He only has to produce results, not clock hours.

It's why I find the while back billable hours thing as a metric of performance laughable. My father was an attorney - trial - an Air Force pilot in the reserves a the same time. His results were trials won and lives saved. He did coach the Little League (even sponsored the team) and was highly involved with all his kids. He did not do the cleaning, but he did laundry and did all the "man" jobs and went out with his buds and washed football, etc. in fact, football and sports was ione of the things my parents had in common and you be of the bonding experiences my mother missed after he died.

My father, and maybe I, may not be a "family man." I do not think there are objective measures.

Anonymous wrote:I'm my experience, family oriented guys don't have careers, they have jobs. When I left my law firm for a federal government,mother managing partner has me how I thought the move fit into my career plan, but I made the move because it fit into my family plan. My father had a career, I want to have a family.

It is hard to have a career and keep family a high priority. After 2 years clerking, 6 years as an associate and 5 years as a partner, I realispzed that I could not be the father And husband I wanted to be and have a "career".

Yea. Because you went into law. Many of us work in other fields and have a successful career and family life.

My DH is in sales and brings home a mid six figure income and works exclusively from home and only leaves the house to go on sales calls. He coaches travel sports ( was a D1 player) and gets the kids off the bus each day because I work out of the home. He could never do this as any sort of attorney. He only has to produce results, not clock hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work

At work also.

If you chose a good guy that cares about you, the rest will fall into place.

I met mine in college and this is completely true. My DH loves and respects me. He wants me to be happy and does things for the family out of a place of love. We has never been selfish or superficial. When it comes to husbands, I've won the jackpot.

College is a great place to find a husband. You never will be around such a variety of smart, attractive, eligible people around your age with free time ever again.