Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 15:06     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm always early to everything. I've never been late to anything ever. 10 min early to me is normal.


I have a friend like this. He's not a really super close friend, but is always invited to our gatherings because he's part of the general social circle. iIt's always so awkward when that knock comes at the door 10 minutes early. I feel like I have to make conversation with him and play hostess, while also trying to finish getting things ready. Then My DH and I have to tag-team any last minute things we might need to do in the bathroom/bedroom (brush teeth, makeup, get dressed), so that the early guest isn't left sitting there alone in the family room.

If really close friends arrive early, it's not so awkward.


You know, there's a pretty easy solution to not being surprised by early guests. Be ready 15 minute before your stated "start" time, instead of scrambling to the last minute. Particularly if the scrambling is about your hair or clothes. There's nothing more rude than telling a guest "have a seat, I'm just going to blow dry my hair."



You know, what's even easier than that is realizing that the time on the invitation is the time the party starts. The invitation tells the host when to be ready and tells the guests when to arrive. The time is already right there.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 14:50     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm always early to everything. I've never been late to anything ever. 10 min early to me is normal.


I have a friend like this. He's not a really super close friend, but is always invited to our gatherings because he's part of the general social circle. iIt's always so awkward when that knock comes at the door 10 minutes early. I feel like I have to make conversation with him and play hostess, while also trying to finish getting things ready. Then My DH and I have to tag-team any last minute things we might need to do in the bathroom/bedroom (brush teeth, makeup, get dressed), so that the early guest isn't left sitting there alone in the family room.

If really close friends arrive early, it's not so awkward.


You know, there's a pretty easy solution to not being surprised by early guests. Be ready 15 minute before your stated "start" time, instead of scrambling to the last minute. Particularly if the scrambling is about your hair or clothes. There's nothing more rude than telling a guest "have a seat, I'm just going to blow dry my hair."

Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 14:18     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ten minutes early used to be the expected norm. Far, far better than being at all late. Any prepared hostess would have everything ready, and have herself ready to greet guests.

If a host/hostess isn't dressed ten minutes before IMO they aren't organized.

I try now to be only a couple of minutes early.

You obviously don't host much. And, if you do, I bet you serve take out.


+1. I thought everyone knew that the accepted etiquette for dinner parties is not to arrive early. As other PPs have said, 10 minutes "late" is the ideal time to arrive.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 14:12     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:Ten minutes early used to be the expected norm. Far, far better than being at all late. Any prepared hostess would have everything ready, and have herself ready to greet guests.

If a host/hostess isn't dressed ten minutes before IMO they aren't organized.

I try now to be only a couple of minutes early.

You obviously don't host much. And, if you do, I bet you serve take out.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 13:59     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:I'm always early to everything. I've never been late to anything ever. 10 min early to me is normal.


I have a friend like this. He's not a really super close friend, but is always invited to our gatherings because he's part of the general social circle. iIt's always so awkward when that knock comes at the door 10 minutes early. I feel like I have to make conversation with him and play hostess, while also trying to finish getting things ready. Then My DH and I have to tag-team any last minute things we might need to do in the bathroom/bedroom (brush teeth, makeup, get dressed), so that the early guest isn't left sitting there alone in the family room.

If really close friends arrive early, it's not so awkward.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 13:52     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.


Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.


Now that's rude. Unless you have another party starting 30 mins later, you really shouldn't be ushering guests out the door of a dinner party. To me the mark of a good party is that people are enjoying the company and conversation and want to stay.

Even when we do larger open house type events I am happy for people to linger. When we've got 50-75 people over I probably haven't had a chance to talk to all of them and I enjoy getting to spend a little more time with people at the end.


When the invitation is 6:00-11:00, I'm sorry, but that's plenty of time to enjoy the company and conversation. If I start cleaning at 10:40 or so, then that is the sign that either you can help or be ready to say your farewells. I've made it clear at the start that I'm willing to entertain for the evening, but I'll be darned if that means I'll be cleaning until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.


Who says 6-11? That's a really early start for dinner, and a long time for an open house. When we do an open house it's normally a 3 hour duration. I've never been invited to a longer one. It would be hard to have the food available and fresh for 5 hours. When we do dinner parties of course there is just a start time. You never put an end time on dinner parties. It's not necessary since the party ends an appropriate time after dessert and coffee.

Starting to clean 20 mins before your fixed end is also odd. If you adhere closely to your end time start cleaning at 11. If 11 is too late then pace the party to end earlier.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 13:45     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd love to know if all of you punctual party guests also *leave* the party at the designated "end" time, too.


For a dinner party, there should be no designated end time. The invitation would say 7 pm. If you receive an invitation that specifies both start and end time, it is a drop-in or open house type event instead.


+1. This is my understanding of the correct etiquette too.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 13:43     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd love to know if all of you punctual party guests also *leave* the party at the designated "end" time, too.


For a dinner party, there should be no designated end time. The invitation would say 7 pm. If you receive an invitation that specifies both start and end time, it is a drop-in or open house type event instead.


I always within an hour after dessert. Basically, I like to be the second couple to leave.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 13:39     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.


Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.


Now that's rude. Unless you have another party starting 30 mins later, you really shouldn't be ushering guests out the door of a dinner party. To me the mark of a good party is that people are enjoying the company and conversation and want to stay.

Even when we do larger open house type events I am happy for people to linger. When we've got 50-75 people over I probably haven't had a chance to talk to all of them and I enjoy getting to spend a little more time with people at the end.


When the invitation is 6:00-11:00, I'm sorry, but that's plenty of time to enjoy the company and conversation. If I start cleaning at 10:40 or so, then that is the sign that either you can help or be ready to say your farewells. I've made it clear at the start that I'm willing to entertain for the evening, but I'll be darned if that means I'll be cleaning until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 13:36     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:I'd love to know if all of you punctual party guests also *leave* the party at the designated "end" time, too.


For a dinner party, there should be no designated end time. The invitation would say 7 pm. If you receive an invitation that specifies both start and end time, it is a drop-in or open house type event instead.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 12:52     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm not fancy. If I've invited you to my house for dinner, we're friends. So if you get there 10 min early -yay! More time to hang out and catch up. Get there 30 min early-- wow you're a real friend-- you want to chat, just us for a few minutes and you're willing to taste something and tell me if it's done, help me set the table, stir the pot while I go change. It's nice.


Me, too. But, then again, I don't host fancy parties where I have to change clothes before guests arrive. If it's a fancy party or one where I'm not good friends with the host, I would arrive 5 minutes after the appointed hour.


Why does changing clothes before a party mean it's fancy? If I'm having people over for anything, no matter the level of formality, I still want to look and feel my best.

If it's specifically a dinner party, I will have spent the morning & early afternoon cleaning the house thoroughly, cooking, possibly helping DH deal with last minute outside chores, and handling the kids --depending on their age and the situation either feeding them early and picking up their babysitter, feeding them early and getting them settled upstairs, or taking them to a babysitter/relative/friend's house for the night.

If I've just done all of that of course I will want to change out of my most likely sweaty and messy clothes into something else nice and neat so I can enjoy the evening. I definitely need those last 10 minutes -- I set my preparations based on the time I planned for people to arrive which is any time between the time on the invitation and 30 minutes after that time.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 12:49     Subject: Re:Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.


I like that wording. It doesn't leave any wondering though, and you know to be ready by X:00 because people might just start arriving then.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 12:47     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Ten minutes early used to be the expected norm. Far, far better than being at all late. Any prepared hostess would have everything ready, and have herself ready to greet guests.

If a host/hostess isn't dressed ten minutes before IMO they aren't organized.

I try now to be only a couple of minutes early.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 12:47     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.


Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.


Now that's rude. Unless you have another party starting 30 mins later, you really shouldn't be ushering guests out the door of a dinner party. To me the mark of a good party is that people are enjoying the company and conversation and want to stay.

Even when we do larger open house type events I am happy for people to linger. When we've got 50-75 people over I probably haven't had a chance to talk to all of them and I enjoy getting to spend a little more time with people at the end.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2014 12:45     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!


I detest when people show up late. It makes me think they forgot or don't care that I have a dish roasting and scheduled to come out roughly 45 minutes after they arrive. By showing up 30 minutes late, you throw off my whole party plans as now I'm trying to shove a cocktail and appetizers down your throat in 15 minutes and then hurrying you to the table.

Arrive late like that consistently and you will be unlikely to be invited again unless you are family, in which case the rest of us have talked about your poor manners for years and now tell you to be places an hour before we actually want you there because that means you might show up somewhere near the actual time of the event.


Okay, so speaking of : my in-laws are ALWAYS early. I suspect they think they are "helping" but like others it's really just an extra task for me to think of some busy work that will keep them out of the way (I consider this more work). They don't expect to be entertained, but - esp. my mother in law- does things really differently than I do and she can be unwittingly domineering about it... I cant think of an example now but stuff that I have to either will fully ignore and decide my friends will love me even if i am tacky OR subtly try to fix when she isn't looking. any suggestions? this has been going on for years but it's not as bad as it used to be. if i didn't care how they felt i'd say, "seriously, it totally stressed me out when you arive so early and it's not helpful. please dont' think you are being helpful" but clearlyi can't say that.

maybe, "hey, next time feel free to come at the appointed hour! we love being the ones to put the finishing touches on our prep but feel so bad not being able to entertain you well in the last minutes leading up to our guests arrival!"


Tell your in-laws a half-hour later. So if you are telling people 5:00, then tell you in-laws 5:30. When they show up at 5:10, they'll be right on time.

If you can't do that for some reason, then plan for what to give them and give them instructions. For example, I have a sectioned plate that I often put crudites on. I will cut the veggies the night before and put them in ziploc bags with a little water to keep them crisp. I'll say "please set up the veggies. Put the dip in the middle and then the veggies in the spaces around. Often I'll put out serving bowls and put little hand written signs or just put the items in their storage containers in the bowls. When people offer to help, I just say "please put those items in the bowls and put the containers/bags on the counter next to the fridge. I plan for that type of help and if no one shows early to do that, after I get changed, those are the tasks that I'll be working on when people arrive.