Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not try to befriend black and hispanic upper class moms too?

It looks like OP wants to befriend only upper class white women. Other posters are asking questions about befriending blacks and hispanic women- OP never responded back but has been back on and responded to others and/or added more comments.

Anonymous wrote:I really don't care about what color my friends are - I find it weird so many posts here self identify by color. Most of you who do this tend to be from other places (like the midwest) where race and color are such a big thing.

My friend are from all over and all colors and all religions and genders (and all levels of those genders) and who really gives a rats ass about it.

The fact is, you become friends with someone because you have things in common - and those things are not the color of your skin, the things between your legs, how many kids you have, etc.

If you can't see past that - well, you are the one with issues.

Anonymous wrote:Why not try to befriend black and hispanic upper class moms too?

Anonymous wrote:I am an Asian-American mom of ES kids. I was born in the Midwestern US. I had more non-Asian friends than Asian-American friends my entire life and married a non-Asian. Since being a mom, I feel really left out of the mom social scene, despite my best efforts to be involved. I always figured it was something about me as an individual but, on DCUM, I see there is a lot of negativity towards and stereotyping of Asians. I don't know if this is actually common in real life in the DC area. I am shocked by the attitude because part of what I like about this area is the diversity.

My question is whether you feel less comfortable befriending someone who is non-white, or specifically of Asian origin, than you do someone who is white.

This is an anonymous forum, so please be honest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, this is a difficult area to make friends. Some people are terribly competitive (read: insecure) and don't have their own merits to stand on.

OP, since you asked. We live close in, and there are tons of Asians, especially Chinese and Korean. I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable with certain cultures believing that their issues/rules/whatever you want to call them - hold true here. They often do not. Sometimes you need to adapt.

Sometimes your rules don't apply to everyone else, or anyone else. Sometimes, even though you come from a culture that is accustomed to dictatorship, huge class disparity, and blatant wrong doings - you chose to go elsewhere to avoid all that - and you can't look a gift horse in the mouth. KWIM?

Your culture's government mandates one child per family and advocates drowning baby girls. So now, who does that government think all of those grown boys are going to marry? Because we ALL KNOW about the cultural class distinctions and pecking order, to that cultures dismay - and inevitable demise. Chinese consider themselves "superior", then "Koreans", etc.

I get it, "world dominance....blah, blah, blah..." But doesn't that sound a bit paranoid and excessive to you? That bullsh*t doesn't fly here.

For example, one of my good friends is a great parent, from a great, successful hardworking family. They happen to be white. One of the new, Chinese moms in our school started talking trash about this wonderful family. Now that Chinese family wonders why everyone hates them. Because, the one you were talking trash about is a great family! What did you *think* was going to happen? "Oh let me be friends with this woman who talks trash about people she doesn't even know?"

Good luck with that!

You can choose to get along, or you can choose to alienate. I suspect you are making a genuine effort. I suspect you do not point out everyone's faults, or look for faults that are not there. I suppose you know when to keep your mouth shut. That is a start.

I fully realize the last two paragraphs could pertain to anyone, but a newly arrived mom should do her best to keep things positive, lest she be known as a troublemaker. And who wants a troublemaker around? I guess my point is, be careful who you alienate.

To answer your question, in our community, I think people are a bit wary of the two groups I mention in particular. They come from such extreme living situations, and there is a Tiger Mom legacy that the Asians think is secret. It's just not.

Being a Tiger Mom may be a label you detest, but it is alive and well unless you disprove it yourself.

I realize this will get flamed, but you asked. I gave you my perspective based on my community. I won't say where for obvious reasons, but I happen to know there are many moms nodding in agreement right now, even if they are reluctant to come forward.

The OP is born and raised here and married a white guy.... how does any of this apply to her?

I agree with this PP's comment. OP and many asians around here are not off the boat, pushy, dictatorial mainland Chinese. Many are second generation or grew up here or came via other countries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, this is a difficult area to make friends. Some people are terribly competitive (read: insecure) and don't have their own merits to stand on.

OP, since you asked. We live close in, and there are tons of Asians, especially Chinese and Korean. I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable with certain cultures believing that their issues/rules/whatever you want to call them - hold true here. They often do not. Sometimes you need to adapt.

Sometimes your rules don't apply to everyone else, or anyone else. Sometimes, even though you come from a culture that is accustomed to dictatorship, huge class disparity, and blatant wrong doings - you chose to go elsewhere to avoid all that - and you can't look a gift horse in the mouth. KWIM?

Your culture's government mandates one child per family and advocates drowning baby girls. So now, who does that government think all of those grown boys are going to marry? Because we ALL KNOW about the cultural class distinctions and pecking order, to that cultures dismay - and inevitable demise. Chinese consider themselves "superior", then "Koreans", etc.

I get it, "world dominance....blah, blah, blah..." But doesn't that sound a bit paranoid and excessive to you? That bullsh*t doesn't fly here.

For example, one of my good friends is a great parent, from a great, successful hardworking family. They happen to be white. One of the new, Chinese moms in our school started talking trash about this wonderful family. Now that Chinese family wonders why everyone hates them. Because, the one you were talking trash about is a great family! What did you *think* was going to happen? "Oh let me be friends with this woman who talks trash about people she doesn't even know?"

Good luck with that!

You can choose to get along, or you can choose to alienate. I suspect you are making a genuine effort. I suspect you do not point out everyone's faults, or look for faults that are not there. I suppose you know when to keep your mouth shut. That is a start.

I fully realize the last two paragraphs could pertain to anyone, but a newly arrived mom should do her best to keep things positive, lest she be known as a troublemaker. And who wants a troublemaker around? I guess my point is, be careful who you alienate.

To answer your question, in our community, I think people are a bit wary of the two groups I mention in particular. They come from such extreme living situations, and there is a Tiger Mom legacy that the Asians think is secret. It's just not.

Being a Tiger Mom may be a label you detest, but it is alive and well unless you disprove it yourself.

I realize this will get flamed, but you asked. I gave you my perspective based on my community. I won't say where for obvious reasons, but I happen to know there are many moms nodding in agreement right now, even if they are reluctant to come forward.

The OP is born and raised here and married a white guy.... how does any of this apply to her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm white and historically have always had Asian friends. My best friend/maid of honor in my wedding (to give you an idea of how close we are) is Chinese. My closest college friend was Vietnamese.
I live in upper NW and honestly I only know a few Asians. Once is becoming a pretty good friend. However, the one thing that I have a really hard time with is her endless bragging about her children's abilities. I am REALLY laid back about my kids. I'm the first to admit that they're often a pain in the ass and while they have awesome qualities they also have many weaknesses that we're working on. I have no idea what college they'll attend and I don't really care. However, my Asian friend here is all about the Ivy league and how gifted her son is and what an extraordinary kids she has. I ignore it most of the time but I do think it prevents us from getting closer. My nearest and dearest friends here come at parenting from the same perspective as I do. We're doing our best and our kids may or may not succeed in life and we'll be okay with it. We just don't the energy or desire to micromanage our kids. Instead we drink wine and hang out and laugh at stupid stuff.

Asian mom here.

1. I'm like you in bolded
2. I notice a lot of white moms with the same Ivy or bust attitude. I don't think this is an Asian thing. It's this area. I'm from SF and parents there don't seem to be as obsessed with Ivys or any college while the kids are in ES, unlike here.

you didn't live in cupertino did you?

SHe probably doesn't live in Dublin, Palo Alto, Pleasanton, Mountain View, Santa Clara, Sunnyvale or Woodside either. It's cut throat in those places!!!

Anonymous wrote:OP are you interested in having black friends too?

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, I don't think you want to go here.

Some Asian parents can behave in ways that seem off-putting to typical white, upper middle-class parents. Do you really want examples? At the end of the day, we need to deal with each other as individuals, don't we?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm white and historically have always had Asian friends. My best friend/maid of honor in my wedding (to give you an idea of how close we are) is Chinese. My closest college friend was Vietnamese.
I live in upper NW and honestly I only know a few Asians. Once is becoming a pretty good friend. However, the one thing that I have a really hard time with is her endless bragging about her children's abilities. I am REALLY laid back about my kids. I'm the first to admit that they're often a pain in the ass and while they have awesome qualities they also have many weaknesses that we're working on. I have no idea what college they'll attend and I don't really care. However, my Asian friend here is all about the Ivy league and how gifted her son is and what an extraordinary kids she has. I ignore it most of the time but I do think it prevents us from getting closer. My nearest and dearest friends here come at parenting from the same perspective as I do. We're doing our best and our kids may or may not succeed in life and we'll be okay with it. We just don't the energy or desire to micromanage our kids. Instead we drink wine and hang out and laugh at stupid stuff.

Asian mom here.

1. I'm like you in bolded
2. I notice a lot of white moms with the same Ivy or bust attitude. I don't think this is an Asian thing. It's this area. I'm from SF and parents there don't seem to be as obsessed with Ivys or any college while the kids are in ES, unlike here.

you didn't live in cupertino did you?