Anonymous wrote:My MIL says this to me too. I don't like it, It feels invasive of my (figuratively) personal space. She also likes to kiss me all the time. "I am going to the store, be back in 5 minutes." (Kiss). Really? Do you need to kiss me because you will be gone 5 minutes? It feels intrusive of my personal space. I don't want to be kissed and similarly saying I love you feels intrusive.

Kisses you when she goes to run an errand? Eww. I would not stand for that.

Haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to offer a possible MIL perspective. I grew up never really saying"i love you" in my family. It was known, just not stated. I went to college and heard my roommate saying it all the time to her friends and family. Thought I'd try it the next time I spoke to my parents. I did, and it was fairly awkward. I was kind of embarrassed, but whatev.

Terribly, a few days later my Mom died suddenly. "I love you" was the last thing I ever said to her. From then on, I decided to say it whenever I felt like it, just because. My DH just kind of smiles and calls me a "dork" (his version of ILY). My kids smile and usually tell me that back (or hg, or tell me I"m silly). I genuinely just say it because I want to - I have no expectation of a reciprocal statement.

Maybe your MIL thinks the same way - better to mean it and say it than not say it?

Boundary issues: get help before you hurt important relationships.

This all seems to be related to different people/families having different ways of doing things, and how we compromise when we join new families. My MIL says she loves me, and at first I was really flabbergasted and had no idea how to respond because it was so unexpected. Now I just say "love you too" and feel really awkward about it. She also kisses on the cheek at hello and goodbye, which I'd NEVER experienced and I still don't feel very good at responding to logistically. Basically, everything about those interactions feels a little foreign to me, but I'm making my compromise for family harmony. Other people make different choices.

We all just have to decide what we feel comfortable with. I think some of the PPs who are offended at OPs awkwardness maybe just don't understand how uncomfortable it can be when their norms are violated. What's normal (and unspoken) in one family can be taboo in another, and there are varying levels in between.

1005 poster here, not only does it feel intrusive, it feels a little phony.

My MIL says this to me too. I don't like it, It feels invasive of my (figuratively) personal space. She also likes to kiss me all the time. "I am going to the store, be back in 5 minutes." (Kiss). Really? Do you need to kiss me because you will be gone 5 minutes? It feels intrusive of my personal space. I don't want to be kissed and similarly saying I love you feels intrusive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I agree, if you had had a history with boundary challenged people, you might be a little less terrible about this.

PP, I hope you are joking about this, but - and again I don't want to get into details - but in some ways this is tantamount to telling a woman who was abused sexually by her father that she is a jackass and not dutiful enough to her dad now. Thankfully, my situation is less extreme than that, but it's not cool to shame the victim (again you don't know the backstory, but it's just not okay). Something you might want to consider in the future.

This is beyond ridiculous. If you dont want to share the important details, fine, but don't butt hurt when people respond with the info given. As posted, you sound like a ninny.

Oh. The butt hurt poster, or one of them. You take away all value to your thoughts when you say that.

Anonymous wrote:1. Get over yourself. This woman raised the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with.

2. Smile

3. Say, "Love you too Maisy."

4. Continue to get over yourself.

Best advice ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I agree, if you had had a history with boundary challenged people, you might be a little less terrible about this.

PP, I hope you are joking about this, but - and again I don't want to get into details - but in some ways this is tantamount to telling a woman who was abused sexually by her father that she is a jackass and not dutiful enough to her dad now. Thankfully, my situation is less extreme than that, but it's not cool to shame the victim (again you don't know the backstory, but it's just not okay). Something you might want to consider in the future.

This is beyond ridiculous. If you dont want to share the important details, fine, but don't butt hurt when people respond with the info given. As posted, you sound like a ninny.

The person who called OP a jackass was not responding to the information she was given. OP had already given enough backstory to let anyone with basic reading comprehension to understand that her she and her MIL had a difficult relationship and the MIL has violated her boundries on multiple occasions.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I agree, if you had had a history with boundary challenged people, you might be a little less terrible about this.

PP, I hope you are joking about this, but - and again I don't want to get into details - but in some ways this is tantamount to telling a woman who was abused sexually by her father that she is a jackass and not dutiful enough to her dad now. Thankfully, my situation is less extreme than that, but it's not cool to shame the victim (again you don't know the backstory, but it's just not okay). Something you might want to consider in the future.

This is beyond ridiculous. If you dont want to share the important details, fine, but don't butt hurt when people respond with the info given. As posted, you sound like a ninny.

OP here. Thanks. I agree, if you had had a history with boundary challenged people, you might be a little less terrible about this.

PP, I hope you are joking about this, but - and again I don't want to get into details - but in some ways this is tantamount to telling a woman who was abused sexually by her father that she is a jackass and not dutiful enough to her dad now. Thankfully, my situation is less extreme than that, but it's not cool to shame the victim (again you don't know the backstory, but it's just not okay). Something you might want to consider in the future.