I thought I would be married by now. Or at least in a relationship.

I thought I would live in a house by now.

And drive a better car.

And have a better career.

And have health problems like my mom did. And look like hell like my mom did. Thank God the last two didn't come true.

Of course it hasn't been turning out as planned but I think I can deal with this. I'm not the freewheeling, unshaved, unmarried activist/lawyer of my 20s, but I'm married to a wonderful guy and I have great kids. It's not what I expected but it makes me happy.

Well, I think it depends. Compared to how I thought it would be when I was 8, yes it's different. Compared to when I was a teen, it's not very different. The main difference is that I grew up in the suburbs and only knew life like that, but I now happily live in the city and have been exposed through urban living and travel to so much more than I ever imagined.

In comparison to where I grew up, life is so much better. I married an educated man, got an education myself, am valued by my spouse and live a happy life. No financial worries, no blue collar life and related worries. Our children live better than I ever dreamed possible. Thank God.

Anonymous wrote:No. Incredibly better

+1 Mine too. Very happy how things turned out even if I never imagined it when I was young.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was supposed to marry a wealthy Jew and shop at Saks., host dinner parties, volunteer for a select non-profit. This did not happen.

I am disappointed that I am still buying clothes for myself at Old Navy in my 40's and driving a 13 year old car. I know these are just trappings, but I feel as if I have let my ancestors down not only by failing to continue to step up the socioeconomic ladder, but by falling down several rungs.

Are you a good person? Are you raising your children to be good people? If so, then you're not letting your ancestors down. That's the real goal.

Socioeconomic security is just a means to an end, not an end in itself. If you are able to be a kind, compassionate, loving person who makes the world a better place, even in the smallest of ways, then you're doing well and should be proud.

Most people do not need tons of money to accomplish this. Hopefully you are one of them!

P.S. I love Old Navy.

Anonymous wrote:I was supposed to marry a wealthy Jew and shop at Saks., host dinner parties, volunteer for a select non-profit. This did not happen.

I am disappointed that I am still buying clothes for myself at Old Navy in my 40's and driving a 13 year old car. I know these are just trappings, but I feel as if I have let my ancestors down not only by failing to continue to step up the socioeconomic ladder, but by falling down several rungs.

But you still have a sense of humor!

Anonymous wrote:Not at all. Spouse makes a lot of money so I was the underachieving mom - just until the kids got older...but now they are older but I no longer have the skills and drive to make it in my chosen profession. Yes we have money but he's the wrong guy for me, and I don't even have the energy to get going on a divorce.

So sorry to hear this, PP. Don't lie down, though. Get up and get some exercise, then figure out what to do next. All that money can be seductive, but it ain't gonna make you happy if you don't get out there and start taking care of yourself emotionally, intellectually and professionally. See a therapist (spend some of your DH's income on that) to help you get out of your situation. Otherwise you are simply sleeping in a luxuriously appointed coffin.

Anonymous wrote:Mine is not, I wish things were different.
My parents died.
My son has issues. I worry for him.
My marriage is mediocre at best.
I no longer speak to my sister due to her mental issues.
I had higher hopes.

What about you?

I don't know how you can control any of the things you describe, except your son's health and your part in your marriage. I have a son with issues, yet I've worked tirelessly (no kidding) for years getting him better, and guess what? He is better! He's almost completely cured, thanks mostly to my effort, and partly to luck and great unconventional doctors.

As far as your marriage, it's hard to keep a marriage going when you have a sick child. It is a huge strain. If your marriage is mediocre, it's not dead, and yes, you can work on it (hate that term) to bring it up to tolerably pleasant, which is far better than mediocre. Wildly passionate is left to the young. It ain't ever going back there.

I'm disappointed and sad one of my siblings doesn't speak to me, and I'm also sad my parents are both dead because my children don't have grandparents, except for DH's complete loser parents, both of whom are still alive.

But I have many things to be grateful for. I'm happy I have so many things I never expected I'd have, and I'm still young enough to try to achieve some of the things that have eluded me, like success in my career.

Life is too short to dwell on the things I can't control. Yes, I miss my parents and my sibling, and old friends who have fallen by the wayside. So much of life is letting go of things. If you look at all the things you've lost, you'll miss the things appreciating the things you do have. All of life's a struggle. Best enjoy what you can.

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would I have ever anticipated my life would end up like it has. I came from an upper middle class family and grew up knowing very few friends whose parents were divorced.

I am 40, divorced and have two children. My ex and I do not get along well and dealing with him has been very hard on me and our children. I live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and have to use a laundromat. This is a far cry from my nice house childhood house in Fairfax. To make matters worse, I don't speak to my mother anymore.

It sounds terrible.

I do have hope though. I hope that one day I will get out of my apartment and have my own washing machine and dryer. I hope to get a better job. I hope to have a meaningful relationship and fall in love.

And you will

My life did not turn out as planned. I am 39 and have not been able to have children, despite years of fertility treatments. My marriage is on the rocks because my husband had an affair.

So I will be turning 40, childless and divorced. Not sure what the future holds for me but I am so badly disillusioned that I can't imagine getting involved with anyone anytime soon.

My life is a little different than I planned, but I'm happy just the same. I have a well paying job, my own house, and two adorable little cats who drive me crazy. It's nice waking up in the morning and just feeling content. I still have things I want to accomplish, but don't feel the need to make any major changes to my life. I don't want to ruin a good thing!

I think for the most part it has turned out as I planned.

*Happy marriage (lots of work!)

*Great kids (lots of work!)

*Very comfortable economically--always expected this but didn't realize there would be sacrifices to make it happen. Overall, I think the sacrifices were worth it.

*Successful career--I was always conflicted about having a career. I wanted one but even at an early age I anticipated that it would be tough to have a career and give my family what that needed. I was right!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not at all.

In my 20s I ended up in an abusive relationship and workplace. Both situations set me back 5 years in my career and personal life.

On the positive, it drove me to a lucrative and family-friendly career that financed both leaving the abuse and resolving the career issues.

Now I'm starting a new page in life and hope to finally find a good partner and build a better future together.

I'm rooting for you!

Thank you PP!